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Original poster

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

245 replies

Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 17:45

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:25

Oh great not only have I potentially got spiderbabies, I've got a thread title that is attractive to Pedants

OP posts:
Psammead · 18/11/2011 18:25

It is fitting that the eulogy of the spider should take place on the web.

echt · 18/11/2011 18:24

Blast you, Psammead. You got there first.

echt · 18/11/2011 18:23

Was about to roll up my pedants' sleeves and go on about how people who say "literally" invariably go on to describe something figuratively.

However...hahahahahahahaha.

Just be glad you don't live here in Australia, that's all I can say.:o

Best thread title, after the one about the woman who told her husband his cock was small and now he wants a divorce.

Ariesgirl · 18/11/2011 18:23

Oh my good God

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 18/11/2011 18:23

How's your pelvic floor? If you've been keeping up with the exercises, you should be able to expel any lingerers.

Fiderer · 18/11/2011 18:23

You do realise there are scores of MNers now crossing their legs and refusing liquids.

Tomorrow's "Happy To Help" advice - UTIs. Sales of cranberry juice go stratospheric.

Psammead · 18/11/2011 18:22

Crying at the poetry Grin

Psammead · 18/11/2011 18:21

Oh, I clicked on this in a fury, all ready to point out that you did, in no way literally twat a spider to death.

I stand corrected Grin

My deepest sympathies.

MartyrStewart · 18/11/2011 18:21

Little Miss Muff
Was wiping her Chuff
With a sheet of Velvet
A giant great spider
Was nesting inside her
So she screamed and tried to kill it.

Grin
Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:19

Nutty, after 24 hours of being vomited on my various family members you'd think the Arachnids of the house would choose another fanjo to perish in Hmm

OP posts:
DameEdnaBeverage · 18/11/2011 18:19

Incey mingey spider climbed up the muff
Down came the wee and washed the spider off

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

MartyrStewart · 18/11/2011 18:17

Girls are always bigger.

Brings a whole new meaning to 'checking for spiderlegs' Grin

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 18/11/2011 18:16

Silly, girls are always bigger. Think Black Widow.

thunderboltsandlightning · 18/11/2011 18:15

LOL that the thread title demonstrates the correct usage of literally.

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:15

Sue

You truely are an example of why Mumsnet is simply the best place to go for help in your hour of need.

Surely if my lady bits killed Mum they'd kill the babies. It was a quite large one does that make it a boy

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 18/11/2011 18:15

Oh dear Honey- you are having a bad day aren't you?

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 18/11/2011 18:11

nooooo, that would never happen.

ears

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:07

oh god what if they pour out my eyeballs?

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:07

I don't want spider babies!

OP posts:
SuePurblybiltbyElves · 18/11/2011 18:06

YY. What if Squished Charlotte left her egg sac behind? Lots of little spiderlings, making a run for the light. Some may not make it. Some may go north Confusedand no good can come of that.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 18/11/2011 18:06

Did the cobwebs not give you a clue?

Grin
HerdOfTinyElephants · 18/11/2011 18:05

This is the best thread title EVER.

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:05

GreenEyesandNiceHam

one word

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 18:04

You do know the conker thing is a lie don't you?

I'm all itchy and can't stop clenching.

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