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Original poster

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

245 replies

Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 17:45

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

OP posts:
rushofbloodtothefeet · 18/11/2011 21:40

Are you sure you put the <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=spider+pants&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=685&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=p25SBluf3cpyPM:&imgrefurl=insidiousclothing.com/lolspiders/tag/spider-pants/&docid=MMmdlsWVe78SdM&imgurl=insidiousclothing.com/lolspiders/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/wherermypants-oghr.jpg&w=490&h=368&ei=ZMzGToLiKomq8QPQp5ySAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=712&vpy=194&dur=2377&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=174&ty=88&sig=101626570008370845172&page=1&tbnh=137&tbnw=187&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">right pants on this morning?

Tee2072 · 18/11/2011 21:35

Oh I so needed this laugh, thanks girls.

And...

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 21:33

gigglepin

I have an entire sick family whom I have been running around after it has been a long time between wees, it was there a while

Arrgh why did I open that link

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 18/11/2011 21:27

I never should have looked at this thread. Not only am I so tightly clenched now that I'm unlikely to ever have sex again but I'm also embarassed over the number of times I've used 'literally' inappropriately.

Good job I bought the Christmas cake brandy tonight.

FriggsFlyingFalconFeathers · 18/11/2011 21:19

oh god Honey that is my worst nightmare.

Wine
gigglepin · 18/11/2011 21:18

ok, just sent dh upstairs to check each roll of loo roll in the bathroom, i shall be checking my knicker draw later....

So to clarify, do you think, possibly, that you have been harbouring said fugitive spider throughout the day today....you have been having conversations with folk, and doing stuff with a family of spiders clinging to your undercarriage?

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 21:11

I do not have the spider Waltons living up my chuff!!!!!

g'night ma

g'night john boy

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 18/11/2011 21:10

AAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!

MartyrStewart · 18/11/2011 21:10

There is a piglet in tears about to go to the slaughter thanks to your fanjo.

'No-one was with her, when she died'. Sad

AtYourCervix · 18/11/2011 21:09

or maybe it was a baby and you squashed it like a panda.

but never mind because over the course of tonight you will birth another 30.999 of them

Original poster
Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 21:08

Atyourcervix

Point 1) You can deliver them all

Point 2) Don't you get spiders in barns? Grin

Point 3) Clenches

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 18/11/2011 21:07

Funnel spider

PootlePosyPumpkin · 18/11/2011 21:04

Maybe the spider you, urm, "encountered" was a baby. Maybe mummy is still inside nurturing the other babies. Sorry, very unhelpful but just had to be said Grin.

AtYourCervix · 18/11/2011 21:00

um. maybe it was a chap spider.

who has now impregnated you

and in 9 months you will feel the urge to create a nest and lay about 40, 000 eggs which will then hatch out into 40,000 babies who you will have to try to breastfeed and imagine the nappies and pottytraining and imagine having that many mutant huma/spider hybrid teenagers?

oh i can't wait for those threads.

LeBOF · 18/11/2011 20:59

You should have signed up to a casual sex website to blow away the cobwebs, and this never would have happened.

KatieMiddIeton · 18/11/2011 20:55

Has it erm, been a while HD? I am rofling at your Miss Haversham chuff.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 18/11/2011 20:54

HopeEternal - I want to hear about it.

SkinnyMuffin · 18/11/2011 20:54

I would just go with sleeping in a full wetsuit if I were you...

flatbellyfella · 18/11/2011 20:48

So little miss muffit
Taped up her gusset
( a good idea)

HopeEternal · 18/11/2011 20:48

Would anyone like to hear about the frog I found on the rim of my loo one day?

groak · 18/11/2011 20:47

Dh has just read this and asked:

Was it a funnel spider?

Was it after the flies?

Grin
thousandDenier · 18/11/2011 20:45

this makes me feel better about the spider that got squashed by my baps.

It clearly thought it had found a delightful haven in my brassiere but ended up looking like it had been steamrollered.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 18/11/2011 20:35

Maybe the spider was dwelling in the crapper and came up to bite meet you?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 18/11/2011 20:35

Oh god, I can't breathe.. this is THE funniest thing I have ever read. FACT.

BUT - I will now forever check the entire bathroom for the Fucking Bastard Arachnids every time I wee.

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