Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

245 replies

Honeydragon · 18/11/2011 17:45

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

OP posts:

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 19/11/2011 23:38

bloody love this. I am particularly enjoying the 'David Attenborough' image.

Welcome to this week's Life In The Undergrowth...

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 23:23

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! not classics now my spider foof shame will live on forever

OP posts:

FloydieDoydie · 19/11/2011 23:21

Hahaha! Good one Skinnymuffin .... Did you get a look in the mirror whilst sucking off attempting to lose the spider Brambleschooks?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/11/2011 23:21

Ooh, hello classics!

SkinnyMuffin · 19/11/2011 23:13

<

Is this what a spider blow job looks like floydie?

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 22:24

I was with Mooncup at the time, you have just made me VERY glad I was wearing it!

OP posts:

SausageSmuggler · 19/11/2011 22:09

Honey have you invested in a mooncup? Would stop any stragglers adventuring too far north.

Also someone should pitch this to beauty salons as a new type of vajazzle (or whatever the hell it is).

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 19/11/2011 21:57

though painfully arachnophobic am now laughing hysterically into sleeve in effort not to wake up baby sleeping on me

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 21:40

I think I actually strained my pelviv floor at the idea of killer foof spiders

I am NOT going to Australia!

OP posts:

Bigglewinkle · 19/11/2011 21:24

My mum once found a HUGE huntsman spider lurking in my Dad's y-fronts, as they were hanging on the washing line.
Disclaimer: we were living in Australia at the time
Although if you're squeamish about bugs don't live in Oz

I LOVE this thread, have giggled all the way through

FloydieDoydie · 19/11/2011 20:02

Hahaha! I love the 'spider blow-job' image

Glad I could clarify

Did you find any errant legs Honey?

Funtimewincies · 19/11/2011 18:38

You need one of these. I had wondered why they needed to be so phallic-shaped, but now I know .

Brambleschooks · 19/11/2011 18:22

And I thought i had it bad with my accidental spider blow job. I was driving along and wound the window down a bit. A massive spider carrabinered down in front of my mouth and I spent quite some hundreds of yards silently screaming and blowing at it to keep it off my face until I stopped and begged a passer by to open the car door and remove it from in front of me. Whilst blowing.whilst stopping at waist level of passers by. Fortunately a nice lady with a pram took pity on me.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 19/11/2011 18:11

lovely and pink

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 18:10

Perfect normal up there thankyou!

OP posts:

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 18:10

recent view of my cervix for for Sues benefit

OP posts:

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 19/11/2011 17:44

I like to think it was like Charlotte. Praps it spun a lovely word web up there, to describe the finer points of your passage, Honey?
ROOMY perhaps, or SOME CHUFF.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/11/2011 17:38

Dh and I are both crying with laughter here. That is soooo much worse than when a spider ran up my face during the Harvest Festival service, when I was in the church choir, and I batted it off and then had no idea where it was!!

Rushofbloodtothefeet - dh wanted to know about accidental foof-shaving too.

This thread must go in classics.

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 16:25

I was telling MiL about this incident today, she has informed me it has done wonders for her pelvic floor everytime she replays it in her head.

OP posts:

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 19/11/2011 16:23

I love this thread. Honey, have you unclenched yet?

nursenic · 19/11/2011 16:08

Hope it's not like Charlotte and leaves three of its babies behind to keep you company......

wrigglerstea · 19/11/2011 16:00

I am so cross. Didn't feel very well yesterday evening and was MNing to take my mind off it and my stupid pedant alarm meant that meant that I kept skipping over this thread because of the title.

Return today feeling slightly better and thought "I wonder if she did actually" and you did. And I could have spent the evening pissing myself at your expense while DH snored on the sofa.

(instead of spending the evening throwing every toddler toy I could reach at him instead)

susiedaisy · 19/11/2011 15:33

I thought that, I've been trying to imagine how the razor may of run out of control and shot up your leg mowing down everything in it's path

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 19/11/2011 13:00

I am...

Original poster

Honeydragon · 19/11/2011 11:51

I'm not laughing at you much

OP posts:

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10