tell me about your oddest colleague?

There are a couple of guys in my department who wear the same clothes day in, day out. One of them at least appears to wash them and shower. The other sadly doesn't and whiffs to high heaven. One of my colleagues was allocated a desk next to him and told HR she was leaving unless they moved her, or did something about it.

A man who openly wipes bogies under the desk and chair of wherever he happens to be sitting.

A colleague who left an enormous block of blue Stilton in my desk drawer, it wasn't even wrapped! When I asked why he said "because you like cheese"

My mum worked with a woman who started off normal but spiralled downwards to being a complete lunatic. At one point she left a massive scab on my mum's desk . She would bring gin to work disguised as lemonade, and refused point blank to answer the phone even though she was a secretary.

my friend worked with a blind guy who really liked to feel his way around the tea room.

funny how blokes never got in the way.

she reported him, he got the sack, we rofl!

PlanetoftheGrapes, DH tells the story of an interview panel for a position in a cutting edge gene therapy type science project. (He got the story from one of the interviewers, all who are multiple PhD types.) One of the interviewees, after her (frankly luckluster) interview, thanked each of the panel, shook hands with them individually, then proceeded to hand out literature from the fundamentalist church she attended.

cat afterbirth on a jumper?!

I had the one colleague who farted and picked his nose up to the knuckle whilst speaking to you. Being the manager and having had a difficult red wind fuelled night I told him if her persisted in doing that I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't vomit on him.
He was either picking his nose or scratching his bits or picking his teeth. Yuck ! When he passed me parts for work I had to play keepy up with them until I could get a pair of gloves on.

There was also another minger colleague who used to turn up at work in the same clothes for weeks on end. We worked in an engineering environment where it wasn't uncommon to work up a sweat. Yuck. He once came in to work with stuff on his jumper which he explained was where the cat had given birth to kittens on the jumper during the previous night! We complained to the next level and they took him aside and had a word. The next day he turned up looking like something from miami vice in a light coloured suit - it was finally chisselled off him 4 weeks later !

My friend works for Northampton county council and he was interviewing people for a job, one lady came in and listed one of her attributes at having being the chair woman of the Northampton Budgerigar society!!!!!!

PrivateBenjamin, please accept my apologies for being too harsh...Its just that I seen people like that being bullied by the more extrovert "but I was only having a laugh" types

i was on an interview panel once, for a librarians job in a University. we interviewed seven people in total, but one of them came in looking like a walking corpse and sat in the chair, throughout the whole interview his chair squeaked. he didnt get the job because we thought that we would find him at the end of one of the aisles, rocking.

thing is, i sat in the chair and couldnt get it to squeak at all...

Limbergse you have just reminded me of the 34 year old woman who was a self-confessed virgin who brought in her contraceptive pills to show us when she got engaged to someone she'd only met online. It was like being back in the fourth form.

Hmm I think this is a bit harsh. I monitor things he does but i am nice to him (that's why he bought me the timeshare in the mug), and he's not in danger of being made redundant PlanetOfTheGrapes.

He knows that i have the leaving times spreadsheet, he jokes about his 16.38 leaving time, and tells me when he has done something different to his routine because I'm interested in it. He is really sweet, but an odd workmate. I thought that was what this thread was about?

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I've just come out of a meeting where one of my colleagues put down her key fob on the table, along with her packet of contraceptive pills.

I used to work for a company that leased photocopiers years ago - yawn!
One of my colleagues had been there forever, she told me that when they used have board meetings, the Chairman would go for a wee and leave the door open and carry on the meeting. Sometimes, he'd say I'm going for a dump, so I'll close the door, don't minute that bit Margaret !!

I also worked at a place where we had a receptionist who had just left school on her first day, she piped up, I had sex behind Jack Fultons last night with a boy I just met, does that mean he's my boyfriend?

Same girl again, in a meeting, one of our colleagues was a lesbian. Just before the meeting started, there was a lull in conversation and the girl shouted, well my problem is I couldn't be gay, I just love cock too much. Cue much coughing and erm, ahems from branch manager............

Never had any phantom shitters though !!

Ooh I have another couple.

The manager with the book that I talked about in my last post also had a thing with the security cameras. He used to walk into the room and just stare at the screens and then ring us on the shopfloor with really bizarre requests and would always make a point of describing what we were doing so that we'd know he could see us. Very odd.

I worked with one guy who came into work very upset one day. I asked if he was ok and he burst into tears. The manager took me aside and told me that my colleague had been arrested at the weekend for taking photos up women's skirts. Needless to say I avoided him after that until he eventually resigned during his disciplinary process.

Yup, huge red flags for ASD or some variant of OCD there. Probably invovles huge panic attacks for him if you leave out the cup and quite potentially fall out for anyone who cares for him.

But you know, ha ha.

privatebenjamin awww your colleague sounds lovely to be honest, I feel sad for him

A fella who was obsessed with loading the printer paper (the old dot-matrix type that was just one long roll). One day it went wrong and chewed up the paper, and he slid down the wall pretending to have a heart attack.

A 40-odd year old woman who, on her first day, set up her desk in an open plan office by absolutely COVERING it in soft toys, including a huge hammock hanging from the section divider thingy full of toy rabbits.

I also worked in an all-female office once where there were hormones aplenty. Girls who'd had rows with their boyfriends would come in crying, there'd be a big heart-to-heart, and then they'd be sent home to 'rest' by the far too understanding office manager

PrivateBenjamin

The guy you're spying on sounds like Aspergers.

I know it keeps you amused, but give the poor guy a break and let him get on with his work, and keep his job - of course when redundancy rounds come along the slightly odd are the first to loose their jobs.

Less colleagues than company
I temped at a famous ferry company
to get a new biro you had to take the old one to the stationery manager so she could check it was empty
lovely lady
I only lasted two weeks there

There was a bloke I worked with who, every morning, would come in and make some back handed comment about my weight. We were always the first two people in the office at the time so nobody to back me up when I complained about it, and nobody ever heard him as he would only do it in the morning . I wasn't even that big, size 14.

Same bloke would say he has chosen the spot on the car park roof where he would sit and kill everyone if we continued to piss him off.

O where to start! The man who throws hissy fits like a 7 year old if he gets too many phone calls or the marketing lady who loves herself and thinks she looks like a page three model?

Not odd so much as creepy and plain wrong: when I was 17 I worked for a few months at a department store. The security guard on the door at the staff entrance was always a bit too friendly, and loved going on about how I had red hair just like his 3-ish-year-old son (I don't, it's got a red tinge, but only slightly). Anyway, he used to monitor all the security cameras and one day I was at the till (in ladies' accessories, since you ask) and he phoned me up to tell me he'd been watching me on the camera, and didn't I look lovely today, and he could see everything I was doing. I wasn't too pleased but didn't say much other than 'That's nice, bye then' - to which he replied that he'd be 'keeping an eye on me'...

Thinking about it, that was the job that on my first day a stranger put his hand up my skirt on the tube on the way to work. When I turned round to confront him, at the next stop, he simply indicated with his head that I should get off the train with him and go... god knows where. When I think of the things like that which happened to me in my teens, I really worry about DD - even though she's not yet 3. Mind you, she's far more bolshy and fearless than I ever was, even at her tender age...

Some of these are brilliant!
Mine are very boring in comparison but I've worked with the 'fart' guy ('Can you smell that? Ahhh that's a beaut, smell it, smell it, ahhhh that smells disgusting')

The manager who used to regularly take the phone off the hook and put up paper on the window to his office and tell everyone he had an urgent meeting. I had to get him once because something very urgent came up and he was sat there on his own, reading a book. A couple of minutes later he went on a 15 minute break for an hour and a half. He once also disappeared in the run up to xmas for 4 hours whilst he did his xmas shopping. He switched off his phone and so we couldn't call him about a customer who was waiting to speak to him. When he eventually turned up he bribed her (with money!!) and us with boxes and boxes of chocolates so that we wouldn't tell his boss. We didn't. He got promoted.

Then there was the sexual predator who used to hide around the stock room, jump out at you and try to feel your boobs. This happened at least a dozen times a day. Luckily the manager sacked him as soon as we complained.

I do suspect I was probably the weird one in most of the places I've worked though.

I once worked with a very sad individual, who had a very hard time outside work and little emotional support.

This person could not through anything away - think of cupboards full of used, ripped envelopes. When moving the office for the first time in 30 years, there were tears and tantrums as it was very difficult for her to cope with. During the clear out, we found an old cardigan in a cupboard. 'Oh, that's X's, he left here in 1987 and he's dead now, so I've kept it'

After a bereavement in the family, a car accident revealed a major issue - her house was full, so in clearing out the relatives house had filled the car up. And left it there for about 4 years - been driving around with a car full of her relatives' stuff, until someone crashed into her and the garage needed the car empty to repair it!!

I sound mean, but actually felt very sorry for her. Drove me mad though!

PrivateBenjamin I hate to break it to you, but you really are the weird one, sorry.