tell me about your oddest colleague?

Wow @ these! I'm sure I have some!

And I only mentioned the height because we used to think that maybe his willy was proportionally big, and therefore too heavy to have full control over - hence wee everywhere.
I forgot to put that bit in.

OP, eughhhh!

The lady at the Examining Board where I worked as a temp when about 18. She never called me by my name, I was just 'the girl'. She used to tie up her hair in a chiffon scarf, different colour for every day. Her hair though, remained unwashed, rife with dandruff and everybody could smell her coming. She wore tweed suits, even in the height of summer, she had quite a few of them I reckon they belonged to an elderly relative.

She was young, maybe in her early thirties but acted and looked a lot older. I saw her years later and she looked exactly the same.

I worked with a really tall man for a short time (about 6'7"). Whenever he went to the loo he'd wee all over the loo - on top of the cistern and all over the floor around the loo. When he was asked about this unfortunate habit he denied it.
It was definitely him though, another colleague used to go and check after he'd been, and would go to the boss to say "the dirty pissing nobber's fucking pissed on the bog again" and got warnings for his language every time :o

StealthPolarBear yes it was invalid type whispering as if she had lost her voice.

She put a lot of effort into her frequent sick days, sometimes starting the preamble a day or two before. One of my favourites was when she had leftover beef stew or something similar for lunch and wondered if it was safe to eat it as her DH had left something else in the fridge uncovered near it. When I didn't rise to that one, she came back from lunch saying she hadn't heated it properly and wondered if that would make her sick. She made sure everyone she encountered all afternoon noticed that she wasn't feeling too good despite soldiering on before eventually going off to the toilet to be noisily sick, first making sure there was someone else around to hear. Think she was off for a day before coming back with the whisper again.

The guy who absent-mindedly rubs his nipples with the palms of his hands when he's thinking. In front of clients, everyone in fact.

The guy who used to sneeze all over his computer screen. It was disgusting filthy.

The guy (a different guy who sat two desks away!!) who sneezed and sniffed and coughed up gunk on a frequent basis which he sued to spit into his waste paper bin. He was gross. He never did anything (like go to the doctor or try taking antihistamines if it was allergies) to try and fix it. Or deal with it more discretely (at least spit into a hanky or something so we can't hear you spitting into the bin!!!).

Bloke I worked with in an office, he used to disappear every hour to spray himself all over with Lynx deoderant. He had two cats, because he knew women liked cats, and he used Lynx a the adverts seemed to attract women.

He never had a girlfriend, but told us he slept with a prostitute. We also disvcovered his fetish for muscley body building women . And he was obsessed with anything American. He went on a holiday to NY with "friends" apparently, but all the photos, you could tell it was him holding the camera to get himself in the snap, none with friends.

When I first met him I thought he was gay, still do, he is in the closet.

The former college librarian used to sleep in the basement after his partner kicked him out. The IT officer found him one morning.

We have a colleague that sings. everything. she sings to herself. she will sing to the customers. when she talks. she sings instead of talking. it's odd

Where do I start?

The Head Teacher who strutted around the corridors muttering things like "The Jews went to their deaths willingly, to save the sins of the world" and "In my next life, I am going to run a country, that is why I am doing this job in this life" before putting memos in all our pigeonholes telling us to save paper?

BeaOnSea that just made me snort

There was the one who lived in a house filled with floor to ceiling newspapers. Literally. And there was the one whose leg moved of its own accord. The more excited he became, the more it jiggled. There was one who looked like Basil Fawlty and wore a bow tie as if it were not strange. There was another who slept in his clothes in his office.

This was academia.

I worked for someone once who called me at home at 9pm to ask if I was a secret agent working for HMRC who had infiltrated his company as part of an investigation.

one colleague I worked with in sainsbos was a stalker. He would follow the pretty girl colleagues home and wait outside thier houses and actually followed one girl to the next town.

He had several warnings, he was then caught (apparantly by another colleague) having a wank behind the recycling bins in his uniform. ugh ugh ugh. And was also rumoured to have unsavoury relationship with his sister

He still works there, nows he appeared at dd's school having just moved there with his girlfriend and young daughter. Shuddering just thinking about him

Yes Cloves.
One jar every 2 days.

Sometimes he brings in a larger bag of cloves to refill the jar and I wonder why he doesn't just eat them out of the bag.

Another colleague (same office) rang in sick one day with "24 hour flu".

She turned in the next day with a perm

Even his name was weird, but I am not going to say, I will call him PS.

He was the pale one at the summer social in white top and shorts, black socks and shoes and a brown leather stetson.

Worked in a medical/academic place where it really was anything goes (one bloke used to commute a few miles in on a unicycle) but he stood out:
I was walking down the corridor at work, I heard PS talking to a medic colleague about a pain he had. I stopped, pretending to tie my shoelace so I could listen and heard the medic say, "Is it a sharp pain or a dull pain?". After an inordinate pause he said, "hmmmm, yes." Just like that. Medic looked startled and I scuttled away.

In the pub, office mate leaned across and said, "so P, Maths or Physics" (you know, he was the archetypal Maths/physics postgrad) and he did his pause and "hmmmmmm, Physics".

We were obssessed with him in our office. We used to keep a file on him. Reading this back, we were the weird ones weren't we?

Oh I miss the good old days in the asylum where I wasn't really a colleague but an inmate.

Cloves?! Someone eats cloves? BLEUGH.

I've posted before about ........ The Phantom Crapper. Seriously, it was on the floor, the walls, the seat, even on the closed toilet lid.

1. The manager of the pub I worked in as a student. Despite having a face that would scare a police horse, he managed somehow to bag a fair amount of attractive women. Including his sister-in-law. The dirty article. He used to "test the water" with me and I used to give him short shrift. He actually said to me one day "Why are YOU the only woman who won't give in to me?" I told him that the only way I would be going anywhere near him is if he had a ready supply of rohypnol. Which I wouldn't put past him, the creepy fucker.

I used to work with rather an eccentric (but loveable) old guy who brought his drinking water to work in an old shampoo bottle c. 1970. He even took it into meetings with him - which always raised a few eyebrows.

Mine eats cloves. Straight from the spice jar.
'Crack crunch grind Crack crunch grind' all through the day, every day.

Occasionally a bad one seems to crop up:
Crack crunch grind
Crack

spit*

Crack crunch grind.

*large 'ptooey pthah pthah pthah' comedy spit into the wastepaper basket between our 2 desks.