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Original poster

tell me about your oddest colleague?

359 replies

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2011 21:59

Past or present.
We used to have one who would pick his ears and then make the coffee, it used to have bits floating in the top.

OP posts:
YoungMotherTubby · 19/09/2011 23:29

One man reckoned he was psychic and would regularly freak people out by saying that a spirit was standing beside them. He eventually was told to stop when he was telling guys that he knew their wives were pregnant (they weren't) and told one woman that she had a child in the spirit world - that had never been born as her husband didn't have sex with her when he should have done Hmm

IwanttobeShirleyValentine · 19/09/2011 23:15

I worked with a girl that used to steal loo roll from the toilets and the cutlery from the canteen.

She used to eat her lunch then wipe down her knife and fork with a paper serviette and say something like "I'm really low on forks at the moment"Hmm and just put them in her bag! Just like that infront of everyone!

Infact, if it wasnt screwed down the most random things found there way into her handbag.

Trippler · 19/09/2011 23:14

Hee hee
I am not cool
[straight face]

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2011 23:12

OK now I sound like I'm trying to be cool and like I knew exactly what a chin dildo was! I had never heard of it, but what I meant was I wasn't even thinking about the actual, literal meaning.

OP posts:
Trippler · 19/09/2011 23:12

Nope! A big black shiny chin didlo is what it was Grin

(I shall shut up about it now, though.)

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2011 23:11

oh I see it is actually a chin dildo. I thought it was a disparaging term for something else!

OP posts:
Trippler · 19/09/2011 23:09

Bobbly I think it could be either orifice with the didlo Grin (top misspelling btw)

JumpJockey · 19/09/2011 23:06

The guywho ate the same lunch every day for the whole 9 months I worked with him (bread with margarine and pre sliced cheese). Also told me he ate the same dinner every day (vegetable sauages, potato waffles and baked beans) as he only had one plate and didn't want to waste time on washing up. Came to work every day late, then worked over his lunch hour and left early, leaving me (the junior team member) in charge. When I asked him about this, he said it was because he had to get home for Fifteen to One.

BobblyGussets · 19/09/2011 23:01

Munching carpet (or noshing cock of course) whilst bashing the bumhole with the chin didlo? Do I win?

keep · 19/09/2011 23:00

I work with a lovely lady who is 61. She is very prim and proper. Immaculate at all times, never swears and is calm and collected. She is very ladylike, never gossips and looks suitably horrified at some of the funny antics that younger members of staff get up to. Whilst straight laced she is a very kind lady and helps everyone.

We were all gobsmacked when we met her husband. They have been married for years and he is at least 8 years younger, has tattoos, BOTH ears pierced, designer stubble and is loud and funny.
He wears trendy clothes which are totally at odds with her smart attire.

They are such a bizarre couple that none of us can imagine what they are like at home. They appear devoted to each other.

Trippler · 19/09/2011 22:56

Well there's going down on a woman, and going down on her with a little extra oomph..... [ahem]

I cannot however explain why it was on a high shelf in his office. We thought it was to assert his superiority in some ultra, ultra strange and non-British way.

Pawsnclaws · 19/09/2011 22:56

If you're reading this and thinking "nope, no odd colleagues at all where I work", I've got some bad news. You ARE the odd colleague ....

5inthebed · 19/09/2011 22:55

Youngmothertubby, we had a bloke like that in our office. He would come wearing a suit, woolen coat and carried a briefcase....to answer calls in a call centre. I think he wanted his parents to think he had a high rise job (he lived at home).

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2011 22:54

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
no, still lost

OP posts:
Trippler · 19/09/2011 22:51

Grin Think about it!

Pawsnclaws · 19/09/2011 22:51

I used to work with a lady called Brenda Snickers who had the most fascinating mole on her upper lip with a long curled black hair coming out of it. It used to quiver when she laughed. You literally couldn't take your eyes off it.

Indaba · 19/09/2011 22:51

in a performance review, manager took his socks to warm them on radiator

WTF?

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2011 22:51

chin dildo?
Confused

OP posts:
YoungMotherTubby · 19/09/2011 22:49

It was a regular occurrence for the men's toilets to be off limits because someone had deliberately blocked all the toilets with hand towels and also pee all up the walls and over the sinks and floor.

One colleague always arrived at work in a bowler hat and carried a brief case with only his sandwiches in it. People thought he was senior management but he was only a step up from the junior

Trippler · 19/09/2011 22:47

The one who had a chin dildo on display on a shelf in his office.

lemonmousse · 19/09/2011 22:46
  • hit post too soon! He was a bit wierd and creepy - we always thought the big pencils were a bit of a penis extension Hmm
BoffinMum · 19/09/2011 22:46

BeeBread, I worked with someone who used to fondle his upper thighs and belly while talking to people.

lemonmousse · 19/09/2011 22:45

I had a hypochondriac work colleague who never had a 'normal' illness - she always made them sound more interesting - like a 'respitrary tract infection' or a 'urinary tract infection' - never just a cold or a water infection.

We also had a bloke who collected big pencils - the sort you get as a kid from holiday places -

AKMD · 19/09/2011 22:45

Most of the odd colleagues I've had have been depressingly (and boringly) depraved. Old, fat men sleeping with the young, blonde marketing managers, that kind of thing. Worst one was my friend almost walking in on the MD carrying on with a woman who was certainly not his wife on the sofa in his office. I have never sat on that sofa since.

DraculasMum · 19/09/2011 22:44

Wow @ these! I'm sure I have some!

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