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Original poster

Reality in the adverts Vs real life

261 replies

chunkythighs · 01/09/2011 23:02

None of this happens in my life.....

  • Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

OP posts:
RedRubyBlue · 02/09/2011 12:55

In adverts you can always park right outside the shop you are going to.

ningthemerciless · 02/09/2011 12:54

Sarah Haskins says it better than I could.

Psammead · 02/09/2011 12:50

faverolles that made me laugh!

Every bar, pub, club or restaurant you go to will be full of young, slim, beautiful people, tastefully dressed, having witty conversations whilst all drinking the same drink. Advertisers have obviously never been to Stevenage on a Friday night.

You take huge delight in absolutely everything. Opening a website makes you gasp with glee. Tasting a new product makes your eyes open wide with amazement. Taking washing from the machine makes you marvel in merriment. And the things shampoo can do to a girl, well, best left unsaid.

Test driving a new car will transport you to completely empty roads winding through the mountains and across the plains, down deserted French avenues with autumn leaves whooshing up as you sail past. Even if you live in Slough.

Columbia999 · 02/09/2011 12:46

Brilliant thread! Especially this one:
- if a shop assistant is sneering at you for wearing a ridiculous woolly hat and daring to aspire to a pair of fuck-me shoes, removing said hat and swishing a frankly alarmingly unnatural red dye job at her will show the bitch who's queen. Wonderful! Grin

When you roll up a fajita, but forget to fold up the bottom bit first, all the stuff doesn't fall out.

The friends of the patronising cow who serves them yoghurt and calls them "Laaydiz", don't feel the urge to punch her in the tits.

The friends of the grey-rooted woman don't realise that it's really talcum powder; everyone applies hair dye wearing a white jumper, and giggles hysterically because the foam doesn't fall on the floor when you turn your hand upside down; all female friends walk down the street in threes, in slow motion and the middle one continually turns right to left to right to left, gurning and head bobbing.

stripeybump · 02/09/2011 12:28

If you have perfect skin and one weird red spot in the middle of one cheek, use Clearasil and you will not only lose the spot but gain loads of friends and a social life in the process.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 02/09/2011 12:23

this needs to be classic'd - bloody hysterical

allhailtheaubergine · 02/09/2011 12:09

Love that link bullet!

BalloonSlayer · 02/09/2011 12:08

If you are having trouble getting your baby to sleep BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO CLOSE THE FECKING CURTAINS a squirt of something in a purple bottle will knock them out for a good 12 hours.

What is it, chloroform?

RedRubyBlue · 02/09/2011 12:04

Mackeral

I find gin or Stoli works better for me and a steak Smile

HandMini · 02/09/2011 12:02

When you change a nappy, the baby, always topless, will smile and giggle while bathed in a golden light (rather than rolling messily in the shitstorm created in its nappy, having exploded all up the back of an already slightly grey and baggy babygro, screaming merry hell).

I would love nappy and baby wipe adverts to show a few real life nappy change shockers!

TheArmadillo · 02/09/2011 11:59

Those female friends who come round apparently to visit your newborn baby are actually only here to judge you on the state of your toilet. That one thing determines your entire worth, they will make no exceptions for you just having had your newborn. And obviously this only reflects on you and not your dp. These is what good friends do.

MackerelOfFact · 02/09/2011 11:54

If you buy a half price kitchen, bathroom, sofa or bedroom, you will have an unfeasibly enormous room in which to place them.

Sitting alone eating salad is an irrepressiblyjoyful experience.

RedRubyBlue · 02/09/2011 11:42

Cocoa Pops are the ideal thing to give the kids after school.

NorksAreMessy · 02/09/2011 11:40

Nutella is a healthy start to the day

I like that one

Fatshionista · 02/09/2011 11:35

Both of mine are about hair and orgasms.

Bad hair day and lacking orgasms, YES!

Fatshionista · 02/09/2011 11:35

Herbal Essences guarantees an orgasm every time.

Vibrant red hair stays vibrant and perfectly coiffed in the rain and during momentous swirling and twirling.

BalloonSlayer · 02/09/2011 11:34

Anyone who has a meal with chips only has about twelve of them. Then spends the whole time inventing oh-so-funny ways to steal chips off other people's plates. Just give yourself a sensible amount to start with you moron

Twit · 02/09/2011 11:32

That fucking annoying wankery Haribo ad; No poncing around an open bag here, it's every Twit for themselves.

BalloonSlayer · 02/09/2011 11:32

Fruit shoots make your DCs behave in an astonishingly mature and intelligent fashion.

Am still waiting.

(Remember those ads when they first came out? Grin )

MardyBra · 02/09/2011 11:23

Everyone who produces a dairy product has a pastiche West Country accent.

MardyBra · 02/09/2011 11:22

Cows want to be horses.

mycatsaysach · 02/09/2011 11:22

Grin bullet

AbsDuWolef · 02/09/2011 11:14

If you have a wii, ALL your friends and family will come and play games communally and you will all have a great time. And for some reason if you're playing the dancing game you will also have disco lights in your living room.

The guy who cleans the windows on office buildings is ridiculously good looking and toned, and likes to take his top off (he is on no account a surly pudgy man in layers of clothing)

BillBrysonsRucksack · 02/09/2011 11:13

Sweets prompt you and your family to have a spontaneous karaoke session, singing along to the advert jingle you conviently have in your car CD player.

bullet234 · 02/09/2011 11:06
sums the adverts up.
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