Reality in the adverts Vs real life

Oh I wish there was a 'Like' button for the Car advert.

Mumsnet Advert - Car

Long, sleek, sweeping shots of car exterior. Lingering camera work takes in the finger-drawn picture in the dirt, mudsplats on the wheel surrounds, dead flies on the windscreen and tiny dent which you swore to DH was caused by someone in the carpark catching it with their car door whilst you were shopping, but was actually caused by you not noticing that lamppost when you opened the door.

Several rapid shots of the car in various on-the-go situations, at funky, unexpected angles. Pulling out at a roundabout. In a traffic jam. Trying to reverse park into a space. On the M4 behind a Sainsbury's lorry. Waiting for a gap to pull out of your road.

Slow, panning shots of car interior. Focus on the kids arguing in the back. Crisp packets and plastic bottles on the passenger seat. Soft toy wedged down the side of the dashboard. Sun visor hanging forlornly from it's slightly-broken clip. Packet of mints in the glove compartment. Everyone looks miserable because they are late for the school run again.

Slogan - Mumsnet Car. Because From All The Cars You Could Afford In The Second-hand Dealership, You Liked The Colour Of This One Best.

madamedeathstare that ad sounds great . Why don't we have one like that? We could use One Shit.
'One Shit does the job' Gun wink, hands over the box of three.

MadamDeathstare.

Any Sad Single Dad with greying locks should allow himself to be persuaded by his two adorable teenage daughters to apply a certain hair-dye. Looking weirdly mannequin-like with his new, startlingly-dark 'do he will, of course, cop off immediately. Probably with the woman who empties all her meals into her handbag and walks around in a half-crouch grimacing in constipated agony. Thus leaving the daughters aghast at the consequences of their actions.

When people wake up in the morning, they're smiling and do the big arm stretch thing. They don't groan, swear at the alarm clock and start randomly hitting it. And all bed linen is white. FACT

Mumsnet nappy ad.

2 A.M.
Parent gingerly eases shit stained vest down rather than over the head.
Baby giggles and kicks mushing crap everywhere
Nappy is removed and hastily put to one side as parent tries to hold the baby up by the legs to stop shit going on the mat. Notices it is all up the back as well.

uses about 50 wipes
lowers baby down and reaches for the cream and clean nappy
Is about to put clean nappy under bottom when baby pisses everywhere (including own mouth)
Parent swears and tries to stem the flow by shoving nappy over it. Knocks shitty nappy onto floor.
Swears again
picks up nappy
mops up wee
reaches for another nappy
Baby blasts shit out when legs are lifted. Hits wall behind parent.
Swears again
clean up more poo, get nappy onto wriggling demon baby who does not want one on. Ditto clean clothes.
Puts baby aside to clean up with more wipes.
Picks up baby who promptly shits again.
Swears again.
Parent gingerly eases shit stained vest...........

And how come when they kiss the naked baby they don't pissed or shat on eh? Not. Realistic. At. All.

"aquaspheres" as the miracle ingredient in anti-aging moisturizer. I can splash water on my face for less money any day, thanks.

All babies are giggly and wide awake when being nappy changed. Now granted, my DC1 is due in seven weeks, but from having looked after other people's children my exepriences seem to involve lots of screaming, kicking and, in the case of boys, pissing on the ceiling.

A pint of Strongbow makes it worth carrying a sofa up fourteen flights of stairs.

Petit Filous will make your children strong enough mentally to defeat any obstacle and strong enough physically to beat chldren clearly several years older than them at arm wrestling.

If you have taken a laxative that works overnight, then your cat will definitely still sleep on your bed all night right next to your bum.

bloody briliant thread i have been snorting like a loon!

psammead that was fantastic

If you're on a private plane and constipated, one Senakot will cure the problem before you have to descend for landing. You emerge smiling with relief

Would love to inject some reality into the newborn baby doll adverts as well.

psammead

Psammead - brilliant

One Shit can save your wedding dress.

When your period arrives you don't reach for the "1000-wash grey" big knickers and a hot water bottle...oh, no.... you reach for your skimpiest shorts, roller blades and headphones and skate away into the sunshine.

Mumsnet Advert - Soap Powder

[Early evening. Scene opens on a pissed-off looking, slightly grubby 11 year old boy hollering down the stairs...]

'Muuuuuum! Have you seen my football kit? It's PE tomorrow!'

[Cut to mother, sitting with laptop, glass of red in one hand, picking a chin spot.]

'Oh shit.' 'Well if you would put your clothes in the basket once in a while we wouldn't have this problem, would we?'

[Mother stomps up stairs with big blue Ikea laundry bag]

[Cut scenes, showing mother entering various untidy bedrooms, trying to scrape enough colours together for a full load.]

[Cut to kitchen. Mother creakingly kneels down in front of washing machine and stuffs it full of ageing, slightly faded clothes. Last minute pocket-check reveals three bits of lego which she flings behind her, a sticky boiled sweet with her blows on and bungs in her mouth, and a fiver in dad's trousers, which she tucks into her bra]

[Enter small girl]

'Muuuuuum! I want a drink!'
'Well, there's water in the tap.'
'Nooooo I want a milkshake.'
'Well you'll have to wait a minute I'm busy'
'But muuuuum I'm thirsty'

[Mother sighs, stands up, puts powder in machine and switches it on. Turning, she steps on the discarded lego and swears loudly. Little girl looks shocked and runs to tell brother what Mummy said]

[Mother returns to laptop and starts an AIBU thread about whether it would be really decedant to buy lots of spare football kits. She name changes and starts another about swearing in front of children]

Slogan - 'Mumsnet Washing Powder! Because It's Quite Cheap and Doesn't Bring Anyone Out In A Rash!'

As a mother the only thing that matters in your life is whether or not your child eats it's vegetables. Fact.

A man dressed as a giant hot dog leaps out at you in a cinema foyer and you feel compelled to share your medical issues.

You can send your kids out to play in the mud, wearing white clothes, because certain washing powders are so good the will get the clothes sparkly white using cold water and a 30 minute wash cycle

Fluffy white cats eating brown cat food in gravy stay fluffy white

Mummies always go to sleep/wake up, get into/out of shower wearing full make up, which hasnt smudged all over their face. I want some like that please.

I think this is the ideal opportunities for MN-ers to collaborate and produce the most realistic advert ever.