Reality in the adverts Vs real life

d) Michael Winner

Old people are either a) slightly bonkers and think they can knit breakfast cereal, b) rather glamorous and using disability aids even though they are able-bodied or c) Michael Parkinson

Thought of some more: women actively sit around in cafes telling their friends in a loud voice about their constipation problems, and their friends, instead of running away screaming, continue eating their cakes, and miraculously also have a remedy in their handbag.
Also, Dolmio will give you a real taste of traditional Italy, despite the fact that it says on the screen that it is made in the Netherlands

A cardboard tub with about 4 small pieces of chicken and some baked beans in it is considered enough for a family meal. I have never actually experienced the "delights" of a KFC bucket, but whenever I see that advert I always wonder how on earth the content can be considered enough for 4 people. I could probably scoff the lot on my own!
Also, if it has a sciency sounding bullshit made up word in it (think Bifidus Digestivum, or my personal favourite, the Pro Argin toothpaste formular), it's official IT MUST WORK!!

'Larger ladies' do not appear in public. They do not drive new cars, rollerskate, sunbathe, mop floors, moisturise, experience constipation, exclaim at washing or drape themselves in baths eating chocolate bars. Their social life involves sitting about with other large ladies in massive bras chortling about how supportive they are.

All French women are very young and unhinged. They throw things, sulk and have major tantrums, which can always be sorted out with a snog from a topless, unshaven, young French man, and maybe some chocolate.

If you are constipated, shitting in your handbag might work (or have I misunderstood the message behind the Senokot ad?)

Duracell, because nicking the batteries from your kids toys at 11pm for your rabbit is just not cricket.

Spraying Lynx on you will be used as a lure to slightly dodgy looking young women, rather than a olfactory warning to keep anyone over 19 as far away as humanly possible.

If you don't have an iphone, you have an extra few hundred quid in the bank and a perfectly usable normal phone.

She's just pleased he thinks she's a natural blonde and 5 years younger than she is ....

A guy on a station platform strums a guitar and sings a song about how much he fancies a young woman on the opposite platform. Instead of finding it creepy and embarrassing, she gallops across to indulge in some close range simpering.

Any mess in the home is always arranged in neat but oh-so-exquisitely asymmetric piles; skipping ropes artfully draped across banisters, a plump and fluffy soft toy on the stair.

Obviously not a sniff of the bastarding play mobile secreted in the stair crevice that only becomes dislodged as you galumph downstairs at three in the morning to feed your face go to the loo and becomes embedded in the bottom of your foot, prompting you to shriek so loud the neighbours call the police. And defiantly no precarious towers of papers threatening to topple and release the spores that have been happily cultivating themselves for a decade couple of months.

If you buy your DS a dodgy crap little bit of plastic shite they will automatically have a lifelike-but-to-scale lake and desert to play with them on....

20 year old very hot looking women like to spend their afternoons pretending to scratch a 3D pretend dog's arse ..... and get very excited about it .....

If you buy a pair of Lelly Kelly shoes:
a. The dog in the make up really does come to life
b. You have to use them for everything from school to shopping days to partying and need no more shoes and can happily swap the strap over without remotely scuffing the toes or wearing down the heel

Hmm - i think 'a' is more likely tbh ....

You can use a bazooka on a verruca. Presumably without blasting your foot into smithereens.

shouldbe the waxing is also pain and mess free and you can do it in a shoe shop.

All parents of small children are so unfeasibly young that they must have been about 12 when they had them and yet they never seem to encounter most of the problems real pre-teen parents tend to have. They have perfect relationships, enormous clean houses and children who like sweetcorn and poo at Paul's house.

It's perfectly normal to wax your already smooth and hair free legs.

You'll get slim if you eat two small bowls of Special K instead of two normal meals.

Of course you will, the portion size that they suggest wouldn't feed a hamster.

Playing online bingo alone in your dining room of an evening is exactly like being in a nightclub dancing to Gloria Gaynor with all your girly mates.

Anti-ageing creams are advertised by 14 year old girls.

Adverts for sofas always show enormous lounges with the sofa smack-bang in the middle of it whether it's a corner sofa, 3 seater or 4 seater. No-one ever has a sofa wedged up against the dining room door that you can't open, with biscuit crumbs all over it and dodgy lookins stains that are actually chocolate milkshake but look like diarrhoea.

All teenagers exclaim about how fresh their mate's room smells when his rancid sheets have been ripped from the bed and rinsed with fabric softener.

When the woman at the stain-removing demo throws muck on a cheap tee shirt, all the women watching will gasp in horror, as if she has just disembowelled a kitten.

When you have a new air freshener in the house, everyone who walks in will sniff deeply with an ecstatic and beatific smile on their face.