Reality in the adverts Vs real life

It's ok to open your freezer door and find a creepy talking bear in there. Doesn't make you slam the freezer door screaming and weeping about sleep deprivation at all....

True. These days I suppose they would want to avoid getting it on their myriad of touch screen devices.

Also: it is possible to eat a Big Tasty/Whopper/MegaSooperBurger/whichever without all the sauce & salad dumping themselves all down your front.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy, I would have thought the grease of that finger-food would stop the texting. If not, well... ugh!

Women have nothing better to worry about than whether their air freshener matches their ornaments and can be smelled every thirty seconds over the pong of their sweaty layabout husband.

People sit down to eat KFC at home, around a table, and it has the magic power to stop teenagers texting.

Anybody using a wheelchair, lesbian couples, black people, gay men, Asian families, blind people, and the elderly hardly ever buy anything at all, so adverts never need to show them :(

You will get wads of money for your broken earring but it will render you incapable of correct grammar as in:

"I cashed my gold and got £200 pounds worth"

Every family owns the same dog who just happens to be Auntie Mabels' Pippin from Come Outside.

Unless it's the pure white westie puppy who chews everything and the owner smiles as she wrestles her car-keys back instead of smacking the little turd with a rolled up newspaper

If you have BUPA health insurance it doesn't matter if you get cancer because it'll be treated in nice hospitals

There seem to be one or two advertising people around who are a bit more realistic - the ones who make the aldi adverts have got it more or less right: .

I HATE the ones with the happy family all sitting down together enjoying a healthy evening meal. In real life:
Working mother in ill-fiitting clothes stomps wearily into the house, carrying bag of crapshopping bought on way home. Grubby 9 year old asks "What's for dinner?"
Weary mother drops shopping on floor, wipes sticky work surface, feeds cat, picks up discarded shoes/clothing from floor and turns on unshaven, computer playing husband and says "haven't they had dinner yet? what have you been doing all day?". Row ensues.

Mother - still in work clothes - starts hurling tuna pasta bake thingy together. 9 year old complains of starvation and raids cupboards, Mother finds uneaten packed lunch still in school bag and tells child it desrves to be hungry, wasting good food etc. Second row ensues. Mother opens bottle of wine.

Teenage daughter shoots past, in very short skirt and half a ton of slap. "dinner will be ready soon" says mother caringly. "Not hungry/ Don't want that crap/ Whatever/Going to Ben's/hannah's/Jack's...". Door slams.
Mother downs an entire glass of cheap plonk and winces.

Older teenage shuffles in, still in pyjamas. "dinner ready soon" pleads mother, absently unpacking cat food, bog roll and dented special offer tins from bag, while doing dishes and loading washing machine. "mffffugggghh blibll wuffl" mutters teen, swigging milk out of carton and putting empty carton back in machine."Would it be too much effort for you to speak civilly?" snaps mother "and how many fucking times do I have to tell you about drinking from the milk carton?". Teen rolls eyes and sighs theatrically, while glancing at dad for solidarity. another row ensues which ends with teen slamming into bedroom. 9 year old yells he's "STARVING!" and needs £20 and P.E kit for tomorrow and that dinner better not be pasta because he HATES pasta because Daniel says its made from worms so he's not eating it.
Mother swigs wines from bottle and bursts into tears and black smoke curls up from oven and Dh mutters "Christ, why do you always have to come home in a mood . I'm going to the chippy".

......or is that just in my house?

Polar bear stuffed animals make better rice than people.

Laser eye surgery leaves you with perfect vision and not at all half blind in one eye...

If you murder your husband, get drenched in blood, sweat and possibly grass, you need Ariel.

Bank clerks work in radio stations...

I asked my dentist what a "Pro Argin" was. She said "A made up thing on an advert to make you buy their toothpaste.

I am loving this thread!

Women breastfeed with their child stuffed in their armpit, and only ever in the mid afternoon. Never at 3am with bed-head and crying their eyes out because it's the child's 5th feed in 4 hours.

"- People take advice on car insurance from: tap dancing eejits, meerkats, moustachioed opera singers, nodding dogs and a man with a Lord Nelson complex"

That has just really made me laugh

If you eat a normal yoghurt, your hair will look like shit, you will look as ugly as sin, and will wince when you eat your youghurt (who fucking does that? Yogs are not as sour as lemons fgs).

HOWVER if you but a super duper smooth Frenhc yog, miraculously your hair will be washed ans styled, you will look beautiful and happy and it will make you smile.

The miraculous power of adding sugar to yoghurt!

Cats and dogs sit perfectly still whilst you apply flea stuff. Then march off happily and sit in their basket. Owner smiles smugly, even though wearing beige slacks.
My cat has not seen these adverts, therefore she still savages me and hides under the bed giving out evils.

Vacuum cleaners do not make a noise. They are pushed around pastel-hued rooms silently, by equally silent, smiling or faceless women in beige slacks.

No-one ever has a shouty conversation with their partner/child/visitor over the roar of the hoover. No-one's dog ever has to be removed from the room to prevent it attacking the hoover either.

People eat tiny pieces of pizza with a FORK

JLS practice their masturbating technique as a team while holding onto a long stick called a "wee".

The name Dr Oetker suggests home baking and Italian trattoria, not a patent verruca cure or sinister wartime Gestapo agent (in the manner of Herr Flick).

Cooking... Rice must be prepared by lobbing a plastic pouch into a geyser; unscrewing a jar of sauce means you end up with the cast of a Kung-fu film in your kitchen; popping the top off a milk bottle will make you a target for feral cats; chicken cooked in a plastic bag full of powder is both socially acceptable and delicious; fiery Michelin-starred chefs really do squash stock cubes into their dishes.

• People get £150 for their old mobile
• People with dentures live on a diet of corn on the cob and spare ribs
• People don't use toothpaste when they brush their teeth
• People walk around with headbands with lightbulbs on
• A bag of Haribo is enough to infect a family with St Vitus' Dance and an as-yet-unnamed Singing Disease
• Borrowing £100 at 4000% apr is a really good idea
• An iPhone and iPad are essential pieces of kit without which no-one can ever do anything
• Becoming a driving instructor will make you fabulously wealthy
• 50 year old women are really playful with their dishcloths, particularly when their husband compliments their clothing
• The rattle of a packet of paracetomol will be enough to remedy a woman's libido and make her want to sleep with a man who's already having it off with at least 2 of her friends
• Flavoured tea is only good for painting pretty pictures with
• You want to wring out kitchen towel and re-use it
• People take advice on car insurance from: tap dancing eejits, meerkats, moustachioed opera singers, nodding dogs and a man with a Lord Nelson complex
• If you eat chilli con carne your home will be invaded by hugely stereotypical Mexican banditos
• If you eat at Harvester you will be accosted by staff so bored they've had to make up a very bad type of half-rap

Disabled and/or elderly ladies always wear a swimming costume when they have a bath.

When a fit young man fancies you and has just copped a sight of your knickers, due to your skirt getting caught in the lift, he's going to fancy you even more when he spots the packet of TenaLady right at the top of your handbag.