What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

Blistered my legs after sleeping with (too) hot water bottle.
Poured bowl of piping hot soup over my very tight jeaned legs. Luckily the bath was full of cold water so I just jumped into that.

Could I just say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone sharing their stories. I had to take my mum to the hospital today for the results of her breast biopsy and the consultant was running late. To try and distract us both we were reading this thread and ended up giggling like two naughty schoolgirls. The garlic press and nipple is now a personal favourite!! Anyway the results were not good and she needs surgery but mum said having a really good laugh made her feel much more upbeat and positive. So your pain has been our gain! Please keep the stories coming......!!

I was painting the ceiling in the porch and just had the last corner to do, so I took one foot off the ladder and stretched, still didn't quite manage to reach so I stretched a bit more

Somehow I managed to take the remaining foot off the ladder and gravity took over

I fell into an undignified heap at the bottom of the step ladder but not before the front door handle hit me in the arse, all up my back and on the back of my head.

I'm a percussionist and was lifting a music stand from a set of tubular bells to put in front of the xylophone. I didn't bother to check if there was anything on said music stand before I lifted it in the air and the mallets ( think actual wooden hammers which weigh a ton) for the bells rolled off the stand, fell from a great height and landed on my nose

I was left with a huge scab on the bridge if my nose and two black eyes. Took ages to fade away!

Omg I am laughing so much I think I might have woken the DC's

My DH always finds massive hilarity in my self inflicted injuries - I poked my self in the eye with a coat hanger scratching my retina when taking a coat out of the wardrobe, cut my finger then fainted falling against/down the side of the fridge giving myself a black eye and numerous other cuts and bruises and managed to burn my forehead with hair straighteners leaving massive blister on forehead...nothing is as impressive as my best friend though who managed to sit on her iron whilst ironing semi naked leaving an emormous iron shaped burn on her buttock! Ouch!

I impaled (in one side and out the other) my hand with a kitchen knife while removing a stone from an avocado, now I use a spoon.

But at least I have a "be careful when using sharp knives" story for DS :-D

I managed to trap the top part of my ear in the car door as I shut it. I have NO idea how. It went purple...

I poured nail varnish in my own eye after rummaging around in my drawer with my eyes closed when suffering with sore and itchy eyes in the hayfever season. Bottle was the same shape (ish) as my eye drops.

I broke my finger by roller skating over it.

"What's cossack dancing Mummy?"

A twisted knee, a sprained ankle, a bruised toe and zero dignity, that's what.

I have not encountered one myself.

Birdbaths are among the most common causes of trips to A&E.

This is schadenfreude in its pureset form!

Putting up Christmas decs last year whilst balancing on the settee.Fell of settee and got the plug of the christmas tree embedded in my foot.Pain was unbearable but everyone thought it highly amusing especially nurses at the hospital.

This is great-Dannyblanchflowers key up nose is a classic
I was replacing a loo seat and got my head jammed between loo and hot radiator, had to really talk myself down from having a major panic/claustrophobia attack while i decided which of the neighbours i could send the kids to fetch. Luckily i managed to release myself without that humiliation

These are amazing, theyve made my day.....the best so far tho has to be the so eloquently put...

Or the time I walked barefoot through the park and slipped on a massive pile of dog shit

AMAZING!

Ive a bit of my tongue missing from the time I tried to open a bottle of budwiesser with my teeth like they do on frat boy movies...I was just too lazy to get up nd get an opener. Long story short, cap moves, tooth chips, glass breaks, takes a big ol' chunk of my tongue and my oh my, did it bleed!

I was up on the top step of a ladder, painting. I overstretched and fell backwards off the ladder into the paint pot below. My bum was a lovely shade of purple.

My husband recently put his back out and spent days in agony after leaning over the trolley in Sainsbos to put something in it and sneezing at the same time! It would have been funny had he not been in such pain.

Day before I went on honeymoon I was prepping baby food for MIL to have whilst she looked after ds1.

Hand whisk, jammed with a bit of chicken, cleaning it out with finger and not switched off...

you get picture!

Spent entire cruise with a massive bandage wrapped around my hand, glamorous creature that I am.

Also got stuck between car and the house wall one day when heavily PG, so rateful that Dh was the first eprson to pass as was on full view (no front gardens here).

I think my absolute best injury ever has to be this one though.

I was eighteen and stone cold sober, and given where I grew up this kind of thing isn't unusual. We were on our way to a party and on the way up a long track decided we'd all get out (bar the driver) and sit on the outside of the car. Two on the bonnet, two on the boot. Myself and the other girl on the boot were quite clearly slipping. I saw her fall and land on the road, not moving, so jumped. My feet hit the road and my body continued to move at the speed the car was travelling at, sending me flying backwards until my head collided with the tarmac.

I ended up with cuts and scrapes, a four inch fracture in the back of my skull, concussion, three weeks of bed rest and no sense of smell. Eight years later my sense of smell is still dodgy even though I'm pregnant and certain smells make me sick.

The other girl had a few grazes on her back.

When I was little I ate fibreglass because I thought it was candyfloss.

I also got a plastic robin from the Christmas cake, embedded in my foot, which went septic.

When I was little I loved watching Dr Who so my Dad decided to entertain me by pretending to be a dalek. Unfortunately, he ended up with a sink plunger stuck to his forehead which left a huge bruise for a week!

Oh yes, and an electric shock from putting my fingers down the back of the electric socket we'd taken off the wall to wallpaper. I, rather logically, thought I'd be able to get better purchase to turn it off if I braced my fingers behind the faceplate...

i also have managed to iron my bump whilst pregnant. When I was 17 was giving my lady garden a trim with very sharp hairdressing scissors and cut myself - lots of blood

During particularly enegetic sex my ex DH somehow bent his willy, and had to go his GP to check it out. Had a massive blood blister on it which took ages to go

I put my back out taking a ginormous turkey out of the bottom oven of the Aga last Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I could barely walk and it took about 6 weeks to get properly better. Who said turkey meat was good for you?

I broke my foot by dropping a saucepan on it last year..

When I was a child I thought I was a tightrope walker extraordinaire (despite never having done it before) so I walked across a bar which was about 6' off the ground in the playground at a day camp obviously slipped and fell with it between my legs.. my.. lady area was all black and blue for a good while afterwards.