What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

I've just remembered the time my sister was messing about with a big pair of long handled nail clippers, throwing them up in the air and grabbing them, clipping them shut...

Until she clipped them shut on her nipple.

ow.

I knew I'd bonded with my ferret when I tripped and fell flat in front of her cage. She walked slowly to the front, cocked her head and looked down at me as if to say wtf?

Not me but my DH is legendary amongst our friends. Since DS1 (7) was born he has broken 2 fingers, an elbow and a foot.
He shut his own finger in his own car door and compound fractured it.
He went on a tourist whale watching boat ride in Boston and broke a different finger on the rail of the boat
He broke his elbow stepping off the kerb at work (he denies it but I think alcohol was involved in this one!)
But his piece de resistance was breaking his foot on an Iggle Piggle drinks cup......

Sprained my shoulder whilst throwing someone into a swimming pool

Electrocuted myself plugging in an iPod charger whilst pregnant.... Gave the antenatal ward quite a chuckle - they don't get many people in with electrocution apparently

Last month - out cycling and my bike fell apart whilst I was cycling at speed around a corner. The whole handlebar post came clean off leaving me in the road with the bike in bits. Slipped a disc and fractured my sacrum. Cycling accidents are fairly common here (Cambridge), though that does not make me any less embarrassed...

Remembered another...just ast week I was reaching something from the top of one of our extra tall Kitchen cupboards. I'm a short arse so this requires a stool. As I came down, I put my hand down on the worktop to steady myself, wasn't a lot of pressure but I heard a loud 'pop'! The ball of my hand immediately bruised! I showed the doctor when i saw him for something else a few days later - while it was still bright purple - and he said I'd probably popped a vein!

Shut the car boot. On my own head.

My little brother broke his own nose trying to do a trick shot playing table tennis he smacked himself in the face with the bat

Plenty. The worst was falling off the FIRST step of a step ladder and breaking 4 ribs, knocking myself out and coming round sometime later. Really have no idea. Woke the next morning in absolute agony - obviously didn't know at that stage my ribs were broken. Drove myself to hospital and spent half an hour trying to remember what the fuck ribs were in Spanish.

X-ray showed four clean breaks. Took me two days to realise (was wonderfully floaty on fab painkillers) that my sense of smell and taste had been wiped out by hit on head. This was way way more devastating. Thankfully they came back VERY slowly over the following year.

Broke my foot stepping off the bus.

Broke my hand lifting a box out of the cupboard when I tried to remove water pipes at the same time.

Broke my coccyx during a piggy back race gone wrong down probably the steepest hills in the Scilly Isles.

Split my forehead open playing hide and had with my brothers aged about 12 when I turned and ran straight into the corner of the house.

Cut the end of my thumb off whilst trying to cut open a gigantic watermelon with a tiny Swiss Army knife.

I can beat that oldsilver - I ironed my still huge tummy after having DS!

Scatterchase I didn't realise you gave yourself a black eye with your arm - I thought your boob had sprung up and blackened your eye - I was very impressed!

I also have the strongest feet in the world, only a small bruised toe after a large horse purposely trod on it for 3o seconds, I was punching him in the shoulder and headbutting his neck to get him off me..
and also just had a small bruise when I dropped a piece if 5' by 5' window glass on my other little toe

Last week managed to lacerate the inside of my own nostril. In shower washing my face and managed to insert my little finger up my right nostril and my fingernail cut the inside.

Who knew there was that much blood up there. Still hurts. DH just shook his head sadly at me.

I accidently ironed my bump when pregnant (obviously) - was getting ready for work and my dressing gown was undone - I still hadn't got used to have a bump there. On the next visit to the consultant, she asked what scar it was from, just in case they had to operate on me for the delivery ... I don't know who was more embarrassed when I explained what it was

These are eye-watering funny! Sorry

As a teenager I decided to try and stick a golf umbrella into the ground. I dont know why! Anyway I missed the ground and managed to ram said umbrella through my shoe and into my foot, splitting the skin and cracking a bone.
The nurses had a great laugh that evening

Ruptured all the tendons in one finger stroking a cows neck.
End up black and blue every time I try to help a calf enter the world.
Fell down three steps on holiday knocked myself out, got concussion and damaged the tendons in both my elbows.

I had sprained foot last month. I hadn't fallen over or twisted my foot or anything else so I can only imagine I had done it from WALKING!

I tried to seductively eat a marshmallow off of a toasting fork that had just been in the fire

I still vividly hearing my own lips sizzle like bacon in a pan

Dh broke his foot running downstairs trying to intercept burglars. It turned our to be just the downstairs neighbours returning home from their night out. He was chatting to them trying to be friendly when the bloke noticed dh's foot and said 'erm, does your door normally have an angle in it?'. Dh hadn't even noticed it break. He had to have a metal plate put in his foot, the nobber

I picked up a puppy and broke my wrist.

I fractured my arm when I tripped on my laptop cable

sprained my neck whilst doing a toboggan death slide. explaining that to 2 frowning doctors made me blush.
'and you did this for fun ?'

Hard to choose could be the time I sucked a cup onto my chin, got it stuck and burst lots of little veins in my face, leaving me with a massive, perfectly round, dark bruise on my chin for weeks.

Or the time that I couldn't get my lighter to work and decided to put lighter fuel on the top of it (where the flame is) and went up in a ball of blue flame (only singed off my eyebrows, eyelashes, fringe and little hairs that are on your face)

Or the time I decided to do a backflip into a pile of hay and ended up not flipping at all, but simply plummeting head first and nearly breaking my neck.

Or the time I decided to go for a run with a boyfriend and tripped over my own feet and went flying.

Or the time I walked barefoot through the park and slipped on a massive pile of dog shit

There are more.

I am a walking accident.