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Original poster

The Mumsnet guide on how NOT to raise your children.....

293 replies

Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 12:31

I'll start

Never let a toddler drink out a shoe

Never leave face paints unsupervised on a inadequately high surface

If breastfeeding, always return you boob to it's rightful place before answering the door

Do not relent when people say your child will like Knex, it is Satans plaything.

Never let your teen read child rearing books on raising teens, they will use them against you for purposes of evil.

OP posts:
piprabbit · 16/08/2011 14:34

ROFL @ honeydragon.
Not sure which would be worse, Immacing a 6 week old on purpose or by accident?

AbsDuCroissant · 16/08/2011 14:27

Surely honeydragon you should also include
NEVER immac your baby's head?

piprabbit · 16/08/2011 14:27

Sudocreme doesn't wash out of anything - hair, carpet, soft toys.

If you cut your child's hair, make sure they don't know where you keep the scissors.

Do not let your 7yo DD read MN over your shoulder - you will have to answer some tricky questions.

If you explain the facts of life to your LO (perhaps because your are expecting DC2 and DC1 is curious), make sure that you use words that you are happy to have quoted back to you on the bus, in Tesco and to be shared with all DC1's more innocent pre-school friends.

TheArmadillo · 16/08/2011 14:20

Keep sudocreme in a locked container that only you have the key for (kept on your person at all times), otherwise no matter how high a shelf you put it on your child will at some point get it and cover themselves/your house in it.

Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 13:57

i guess from bear beheading they can only get better Smile

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Hellishday · 16/08/2011 13:47

We were on holiday, ds was about 3 or 4 and had refused to do something. No idea what. Dh lost it, got the (blunt) scissors from the villa and hacked off Blue Bear 's head. It s a very low point in dh's parenting skills, which thankfully have improved.

cornsilx · 16/08/2011 13:37

when they go quiet do not carry on Mning. They will be busily unscrewing doors from their hinges. Or is that just mine?

InfestationofLannisters · 16/08/2011 13:33

Please link, Hellishday. I don't remember the full story. I'm often tempted to do that to the Nursery Bear.

I have trained DS (4) to call MNing, "Mummy working" and was most amused to discover the other day that someone else had too (am SAHM)

Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 13:22

Hellishday

What did he cut the head off with Confused

OP posts:
Hellishday · 16/08/2011 13:17

Do not cut head off ds's favourite cuddly when abroad.
Especially not in front of him.
(disclaimer..it was dh not me)

Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 13:14
OP posts:
kittensliveupstairs · 16/08/2011 13:03

Pretty simple one really. She thought it would be funny to squirt a whole tin over the taps in the bathroom.
She didn't think cleaning them was anywhere near as funny.

naught · 16/08/2011 13:01

Make sure your co-parent is another adult, not a child. Grin

Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 12:44

kittens

what kind of prank?

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 12:43
Grin

May I also add if a random and unfortunate series of circumstances on a day trip leads you to providing your dc a meal that is basically a Doughnut and chips. They WILL TELL PEOPLE. In particular your most judgy diet concious acquaintances.

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kittensliveupstairs · 16/08/2011 12:41

Don't leave your DC unspervised with shaving foam. Even though she may be 10.4. DD did a prank yesterday. How I laughed.

SummerLeaps · 16/08/2011 12:34

YY on the teen reading raising teen books. When I was a teen, my DF did a degree in child psychology... i avidly read his books and knew ALL the techniques the poor man was trying to implement.

He talks about it to this day....post traumatic stress.

Original poster
Honeydragon · 16/08/2011 12:32

your boob

OP posts: