Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'

Oh god I did one of these yesterday. Was on the beach. Dh and dd were in the water playing. I was trying to discreetly put my bikini on under my dress. Fiddled around for ages with the top, got it stuck within my breastfeeding bra, faffed around some more and managed to get it on finally so took off my dress. Did some other stuff like lay out towels, put cream away and then looked down. At which point I notice that I've forgotten to put on my bikini bottom and am wearing the worst, saggy, tent-like and most threadbare pair of granny pants imaginable. Not only that but they have a hole in the front and some nice little tufts of bush are poking through. Then I look around and see an ex bf whom I haven't seen for oh at least 15 years staring straight at me and smiling. I threw my bikini bottom on, ran straight into the sea and didn't get out until he'd left.

Esian that made my pregnant stomach hurt laughing.
Calamity, my friend made the school bus stop in the rain to rescue a headchog which turned out to be a furry hat, she also made a real show of the rescue as there was a whole bus watching her. Previously mentioned ex of the bad milk measuring also tried to cook baked beans by putting 'closed' tin in a saucepan and heating it. It is damn hard getting beans off the ceiling but I had a giggle watching him try.

HipHipOpotamus - that's such as classic tune isn't it? I crack up at "There ain't no pardee like ma grandma's tea pardee.... hiiii....hohhhh". I was confused until I realised you meant telephone call - sitting here thinking "But why would that be stupid - surely she'd know her name by age 3?"

Nine/Nein is an absolute classic. I mix metaphors a lot so empathised with "I can read you like a glove"... once said to my mate "Come on Em, just bite the biscuit."

And yes always trying to swipe into work with my Oyster, or vice versa.

Several times at the playground, when I've briefly lost sight of DD my first instinct is to call her.

She's 3!

The Doh! Moment of realisation astonishes me everytime.

PIL took me and DH out for a meal. We were discussing table manners and they were saying how you should squash peas onto the back of your fork.
So I said 'but I like to feel the pea-ness explode in my mouth!'
I didn't realise what I'd said until I saw their faces and played it back in my head

The lump of mud story is killing me. I had to step outside for a minute to try and calm down.

I hope you gave the lump of mud a little stroke before leaving, gingerly.

Tipped a brimming (think "Royle Family") ashtray directly into my own face.

I was lying flat in bed, didn't have my contact lenses in, couldn't be arsed to sit up and thought the ashtray was the alarm clock.

Rescued a hedghog in the middle of the road at night in the pouring rain, realised it wasn't a hedgehog but a large lump of mud, but was so embarrassed (fairly busy road) I made a big show of placing it tenderly in the bushes at the side of the road.

The Angela Hernandez story made me weep with laughter the first time I read it. Time hasn't made it any less funny!

These are hilarious. But 'nine' is so funny it made cry with laughter hahaha

Last night I was walking around upstairs trying to find where I'd left my baby. The thing is I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my first child and the baby is inside me.

Ohh we made it into classics

-proud-

I have been having hysterics at these. My dh has just rung from work, on his break. I answered the phone, but couldn't speak for laughing and crying at the same time. DH said "My God, what's wrong? What's happened?". I still couldn't answer for crying with laughter. "That's it" he says "I'm on my way home" and puts the phone down. I have had to get dd to call him back and tell him we are all OK and explain it's just mum reading Mumsnet.

I laughed so hard at "5cm of milk", coffee came out of my nose

Queen Stromba - yes I am 8 months so am doing loads of nappy brain things. My DH calls them 'vodka bottle moments' as when I was with my class I told them all to put their hats and vodka bottles on the table, I meant water bottles and have no idea why I said vodka.
I once asked an ex to measure out the milk for a recepie. I thought he would check the recepie and use the measures on the jug - erm no! I came back into the room to see he had poured milk into a cup and used a tape measure, was very confused when I was told there was 5cm of milk
Keep these coming guys they are hilarious

Bwahahahaha at parakeet interruption. How rude of them :o

QueenZombra - Thats just where the eggs live !!! And eggs should not be kept anywhere else

Ooh not me again.

I was once in a club (a looong looong time ago) and there was a cardboard cut out of the statue of liberty in the corner.

A very, very out of it guy spent over half an hour cuddling and talking to it.

The bouncer/dj/several others went over to say 'mate you do know that isn't a chick right?'

He told them to 'go away I'm in here' and proceeded to snog it/cuddle it for the rest of the night!

Why on earth have you got an egg that lives in your scales CarnivalBizarre?

Not me DH. The other day he left his phone at home. I was out.

He proceeded to call me 12 times from friends phone, leaving irate messages that I wasn't answering.

It was only when he got back and listened to his voice messages that he realised that he had in fact been phoning his phone the whole time.

No wonder I didn't answer!

I think I am going to have one of those dreams tonight where I wake DP up with my laughing.

ummm I carried an egg arond the house for the good part of an hour - I got a message on ebay asking for postage costs to another country - so I took the solitary egg that lives in my scales and weighed the item.....went back to my laptop and sent the message ......carried the egg upstairs while I had a piss ....took the egg into my daughters room and tidied up ( whilst thinking ....there is a fucking raw egg lying on the bed ....picked up the egg and carried it to my bedroom , put it on my bed while I tidied my wardrobe ...picked up the egg and carried it downstairs where I laid it in the scales thingy - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT????