Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'

Has anyone ever gone to throw their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and lifted up the lid of the toilet and thrown them in there instead?

Or is that just me?

Not my story but DH's.

DH & friends had been on a heavy stag weekend in London. They met for breakfast the final morning all still half cut from the previous night. The last member of the party to make it to breakfast walked right past the group, loaded up his plate at the buffet and proceeded to sit down...at a table of eight Chinese people.

Apparently took him a good few minutes to realise he had sat at the wrong (really, really wrong) table, at which point he got up, muttered/slurred an apology and joined the rest of the stag party at their table.

Picture the scene ... Al fresco lunch with smart potential new boyfriend ... glasses of wine on the table, perusing menu....

A fly was on the edge of my glass so i flicked it off and then stuck my tongue out at it as i'd got the wine and not it (iyswim) - knew he had his nose in the menu. Unfortunately the alcohol must have slowed the fly down because it got stuck on the end of my tongue.

Yup ... just as he looked up he sees potential new girlfriend apparently catching flies like a frog.....the look on his face was

A senior manager at work wanted to send an email to someone whose name he couldn't spell. He asked me and I answered with (can't remember the actual name) Suh-Muh-I-Tuh-Huh. He looked a bit surprised, but said thanks and walked off. Then i realised what I'd done . In my defence, DD was learning to read and write at the time and always asking how to spell words.

I locked myself and my then 18mth old son out of the house at around 4pm. DH was abroad working so no way to get in. I went round to my friend's house, dropped DS off with her, then proceeded to literally RUN round the town retracing my steps, even walking to the other side of town to check the hall where I'd helped run a toddler group that morning. Even rang the local police to see if anyone had handed any keys in. Nothing. In the end I went to a friend's house (who had also been ringing people to see if they'd picked my keys up) and she recommended a (thankfully cheap) locksmith. He came round at about 8pm and changed the lock so I could get in the house. Phew! All's well that ends well, DS went to bed late but at least we got back in the house.

A few days later I went to put some washing on the line and found my housekeys in the peg bag. I'd obviously put some washing out the day I locked myself out, popped the keys in the peg bag (for safekeeping!) and literally fifteen minutes later thought I was "locked out". What a prize plum. Have never confessed to my lovely friends who put themselves out to help me!

Dh once put his hand firmly down on our ceramic hob to see if it was hot. It was.

I've done the opposite of rumaging in the handbag for an email attachment: I'd lost my car keys so went to the PC and brought up the 'Search' function.

I have done this more than once.

DD wears "Pull Up" nappies nowadays that don't have tabs at the sides.

She did a big stinky one, the third that day, and I thought I just can't be bothered taking tights and shoes off YET AGAIN.

I thought, if I just push the tights down and make sure I hold her legs out of the way, I can slip the nappy up over the tights and shoes once she is all clean. I genuinely didn't see any difficulties with doing this. Imagine my surprise when the nappy ended up on the outside of the tights.

Spatial reasoning not great ....

Oh my god I am literally wetting myself reading this thread!

Mine is soooo fecking embarassing and makes me sound like a pyscho. I just can't explain my actions in any way, whatsoever, no way, no how.

I was at the bar at a pub and a friend introduced me to her Spanish friend next to her. I said 'Hi'. She bent down to get something out of her handbag on the floor and I grabbed her on the back of the neck!!!! She was trying to get up and it took me about 20 seconds to realise what the bloody hell I was doing! Then all I could say was 'God I'm so sorry'! As she looked at me in terror.

Can I just point out I didn't hurt her or grab her hard and have never done it before or since!! Honest.

Oh god, I am howling at "Hello Bronagh"

Muggles, that's hilarious!

My favourites are 'I'm Angela Henandez', the poster who assumed someone was speaking German when they said '9' and the poster who drove onto the pavement and stalled her car trying to get away from someone she mistakenly beeped her horn at

CalamityKate I managed to get most of the way through reading this thread without laughing hysterically (barely mind you) ... until I got to yours :)

This thread is hilarious.

I once had a very important meeting with a senior client. I was really nervous but the meeting had gone well. I notices she had a hair on her lip stuck to her lipstick. I leaned across to pull it off for her and then realised it was stuck to a mole just under her bottom lip. I pulled it and she squealed.

I honestly didnt know what to do, my boss was giving me daggers and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Luckily I went on maternity leave not long after and I never met her again.

Oooh, and there's the time I forgot I didn't have DS with me, and proceeded to ask the rather fit guy outside our local shop if his "doggy" was friendly...

Cue looks from him and his friend.

Oh god...

I once sat through an entire two hour seminar before realising I was in the wrong room. It dawned on me as the register came round at the end of the class. Needless to say, I haven't selected that module for this academic year. Haven't recovered from the shame.

Also, answered a text on my touch screen phone the other week, went back to my laptop and tried swiping my finger across the screen a few times, receiving some very odd looks from classmates in the process.

Walking up the stairs at uni the other day, somehow left my shoe at the bottom, much to DS's amusement.

Accidentally threw a glass of juice over DS the other day. The shock on his face, poor mite. I was already tired and emotional so went and sat on the naughty step and had a little cry.

Clarence, that reminded me of a similar incident that I witnessed - my friend had a close encounter with a skip.

We were in a very narrow road that was a dead end and despite the presence of a skip my friend thought it would be ok to do a 750 3 point turn. I'm not sure how she managed it but she had the corner of the skip break her little triangular window at the back of her car, finally managed to turn the car but ended up on three wheels with the corner of the skip through her other rear window (again the little triangular window, but this time on the other side of her car.) She had to ask some of our work colleagues to help lift the car off the skip. To this day I can't explain how this could even happen!

To add insult to injury this occurred outside the front door of our workplace. I'm not proud to say that I wasn't a very good friend as I was curled up on the doorstep laughing.

It wasnt that. It smelt more like rancid chicken...I am thinking it was the chicken sandwich he must have taken upstairs. I honestly dont know..it wasnt shit, well it was, but I doubt that was the original substance.

I bet he shat in the box because ... well, just because!

Cleaning out Ds's room today, found a load of flies...then horror of horrors a sealed box which as leaking and a nasty odour emiting from the area around the box.

Instead of ust taking the box out, dozy mare here, only goes and opens the box. Out fly what seems to be a thousand flies and the smell...omg the smell....I'm heaving at the thought, I can not even identify what he'd put in there.

I'm still heaving now.

I used to leave the door keys in the bread bin so much it's still a running joke 12 years later with my old flatmates any time I can't find my keys.
I was really annoyed with my boss for days but didn't want to approach her about it. Good job too, as the thing I was annoyed about only happened in a dream

I once got my car into an awkward position wedged up to a ticket machine (god this makes me all hot and embarrassed just thinking about it )

I was trying to leave a car park but was approaching the exit the wrong way down a one-way section. There were no other cars approaching so I thought no-one would mind. However the ticket machine was on an angle (favouring the sensible people who came the CORRECT way down the one-way section) so for me to exit I would have to swing the car round an extremely tight angle.

So I merrily swung my (quite big estate) car around and didn't leave a wide enough space and got very (very) close to the ticket machine. There was a crunching sound as I hit it. I reversed a bit (more crunching) so moved forward a bit (lots more crunching) and started to panic.

The loud crunching noises seemed to have attracted some attention because I looked up to find the previously quite empty car park was now alarmingly full and I could see people pointing at me . I heard a little boy say 'mummy that lady's just hit her car' and I saw two men chuckling at me as they walked past (bastards)

To top it off a queue of cars had started to form behind me and there I was well and truly wedged up against the damn ticket machine. Either way I tried to move resulted in more horrendous metal-crunching noises and I was getting more and more panic-stricken in the car. I actually considered getting out and just running off (but I couldn't actually get the door open so would have had to climb out the passenger side)

Eventually a gentleman took pity on me and TALKED ME THROUGH the steering wheel motions to get me out. He didn't come over to help me, but stood across the car park waving his arms doing 'right-hand-down, straighten up etc' gestures while I slowly backed out, taking half the machine with me.

NO-ONE else came to help me at all, just sat there in their cars no doubt killing themselves at the stupid woman in front.

Mortified

More than once I have taken a good ten minutes to realise that putting the cursor on the screen where the fly is sitting on the monitor, and clicking like mad, wil NOT make the fly move

Oh and when I was working with horses, particularly breaking young ones, I would often reassure my bicycle when a big lorry or tractor passed with a comforting "Steady..." or "Good boy".

Stodgy supermarket trollies would often be encouraged with a tongue click, to the confusion of fellow shoppers.

LOL at the furry hat/hedgehog!! So it's not just me then.

I once got flagged down by a Policeman on foot (his car was parked up) one frosty morning. I pulled over, unsure why (couldn't actually see the copper due to my windows and mirrors being totally iced up except for a small hole I'd cleared in the windscreen), sat for a minute, thought "No, he must have just been directing me down this road as a detour" (I was a new and confused driver), drove away a few yards, thought "No, he must have been pulling me over for something", stopped again, repeated the whole thing a couple more times before I heard a bellowed "OI!" ...

Pulled over again and eventually a very irritated and out of breath Police Officer caught me up and explained that he'd pulled me over because my tax disc wasn't on show. It had fallen on the floor.

From his POV, he'd waved me over, I'd stopped at the side of the road, let him ALMOST catch up, then driven off a few yards, let him catch up, then driven off again and so on

I explained that I hadn't in fact been taking the piss but just didn't see him, due to aforementioned frosty windows. At which point he told me off again, advised me to clear them before I went any further, and stumped off.

His mate was just across the road in the Police Car and was absolutely pissing himself