Overheard in a change room yesterday

DD1 (nearly 3) is very into sounds and will question what every sounds is. Public toilets are the worse..

Mummy whats that noise? Is it a lady weeing?
Yes
Shes doing a very big wee mummy. Oh I hear a plop.. is she doing a poo?

Overheard in the baby room in John Lewis - " These dummies are really good, they're orthopedic!"

Overheard a mother say to her five-ish year old
" It's not innit, it's ain't it"

My rather posh granny stated in a loud voice to my mum over Sunday lunch one day that "Sylvia from down the road keeps Grandpa supplied with tarts."

No Sylvia wasn't a madam running a brothel but she was a 68 year old with rather prolific baking habit and a widow too with no husband to appreciate her tarts. Granny couldn't bake any edible cake or biscuit to save her life.

We children almost pissed ourselves laughing and got a right telling off, plus were sent outside to calm down or we'd get no pudding.

Was walking behind two mid-fifties respectable men in a shopping centre.

man1: i'm you know, bi...
Man2: Bisexual?
Man1: No, bipolar.

Doctor: so have you had any other serious illnesses?
Friend: I've had cancer
Doctor: Where was your cancer?
Friend: In Dublin

I'm with them, glamour!

Bit different to the others on here but my jaw dropped.
In a shop 2 women talking. "I don't see why our kids should get a day off school just because two toffs are getting married."

Also took her to Tate Modern last year. Sat outside having an ice cream before going in and a middle aged bloke walks past, head to toe in black leather biker gear, bald as coot with just a patch of hair over either ear dyed scarlet and gelled into completely upright triangles. She just pointed and shrieked with laughter.

Naturally we ended up virtually following him round the entire bloody gallery and she still talks about 'Mr Pointy Head' a year later.

DumSpiroSpero - I think that was Simon Price

www.guardian.co.uk/media/mediamonkeyblog/2008/sep/30/independentonsunday.pressandpublishing

DH was in the toilet cubicle with DD just when she'd started toilet training. He obviously helped her on to the loo and held on to her whilst she wee'd. Nothing was said. DH went for a wee. DD said very loudly "Daddy, do you want me to hold you while you have a wee ?". Cue lots of giggling from outside

Overheard from the loo cubicle next to mine on a UK campsite this summer.

Mum: Oh! Virginia!! What is THAT on your leg??
Virginia (aged about 3): Don't worry Mummy it is just a bite from a ant.
Mum: An ant bit you on your leg?
Virginia: Yes Mummy. It was a ant. A ant from Thailand.

I'm up to ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch Sun 10-Jul-11 23:21:35 and now have to stop reading as I am on my lunch at work and will start getting odd looks

My ds1 on the bus one day. We were stuck in traffic & sat at the back of the bus. "mummy I like this, it's making my willy bigger." Naturally the bus was quiet when he said that.
Another time on the bus he pointed out a man with acne & said "oh look at that manes spotty face " "shush" "no mummy, look does he have chicken pox"
My dd when ds1 was born. I was changing his nappy. "mummy, ds has a tail" Bless!
DH has taken ds1 swimming. In the changing room ds1 said to DH "oh wow daddy, your willy is huge!"

In the swimming pool cubicle: Mummy, you're not going in the pool are you?
Me: yes
DS: but you can't
Me: why not?
DS: because if you get in, then all the water will come out and splash everyone on the side!
Me:

Ds1 (6) recently announced loudly that he'd worked out the difference between men and women. Cue me think oh no, don't want to start having that chat now as I'll never hear the end of it. But I do ask 'and what's that?'.

Turns out the difference is eyebrows - well actually eyelashes we then established - apparently all girl characters have eyelashes whereas boys don't.

Was better than a recent trip round the supermarket with ds2 (3) who was contained riding in the trolley suddenly announced 'look mummy I've found my willy!' and when I looked, he had indeed not only found it but was wingling it around out of the top of his nappy for all to see. Luckily we were in the boys clothes dept at the time so just snoggers from the other mums around who were thinking thank goodness that's not happening to me!

I did tell him to put it away obviously at which he protested as 'it feels nice mummy' but he did put it away with a little help from me. But then every few minutes as soon as I stepped away to pick something up he'd announce 'look mummy I found my willy again' and ne so pleased with himself at which point I'd have to quickly hustle it away. Felt like one of the longest shopping trips I've ever had...

Woman chatting up my Mum's friend who was a keen birdwatcher asked him if he'd ever seen a dodo.....

Just remembered...

Was in a jewellery shop with my friend - she wanted a ring repaired.

Assistant was jotting down the details and asked "Is it Tanzanite?"

Mishearing him, and thinking he'd said "Is it town tonight?" and slightly thrown by why he'd be enquiring after her social life, she replied "Er, well no, I'll probably just stay in..."

Cue assistant looking at her like this , and her looking back at him like this , each wondering what the hell each other was on about...

My favourite overheard conversation, between an old woman and her middle-aged daughter in the supermarket:

Mother: Get me those dishcloths there. How many are in the packet?
Daughter: Three
Mother: Lovely, those will see me through to the end.
Daughter: For Christ's sake, mother!

Oh I'm really, properly LOL'ing at these!

Especially poor, banana-less Keith, and the pooing yellow dress girl on page one...

ds1's first day at school, headmaster greeting new boys and parents at door.
'Good morning, how are we today?'
'mummy's got her period'

"uuuurgh, I don't want to play with girls. they are gross. they have PEEERIODS!!"

I was in front of a harrassed-looking mum in a supermarket who had 2 daughters with her, maybe 7 and 9-ish.

The girls were talking about sex, and how it happened. They'd obviously just learned. The mum was trying to shush them. Then the older girl had a lightbulb moment and said to her mum, "UUUURRGGGGHHHH! Did you have to do that with dad?!"

The mum said "Well...I didn't have to..."

That's when I started openly laughing.

I was standing next to a man holding his baby son, it was a really sweet tender moment they were having and then the man stroked his son's cheek and said really lovingly

Ah, you're a cheeky wee cunt

i actually cried laughing at granny escaping from her cage there that is so so funny!!

Sitting on a table next to a couple in a restaurant. The man was a bit of a knob being quite condescending to the lady with him. Eventually he said, "Well I think we should agree to disagree. I mean....we're at completely opposite ends of the speculum"...

I felt like leaning over and saying "I sincerely hope so sir..."