Overheard in a change room yesterday

I am howling ... poor Keith and also at the round of applause for the pooing Mum

Shopping on Saturday with dd 2.2 who is only just talking really (Gawd, I've got years of this to come haven't I?)

The woman in front of us was wearing one of those all in one jumpsuit type oufits - very floral and floaty.

DD pipes up "pretty lady" - everyone is like"Aww, how cute!"
Followed very quickly by "pyjamas!" clear.as.a.bell.

We left in a rush !

Another one overheard last year. I live in the town where we have "Goth weekend" - so hundreds of Goths walking around the streets etc. One Mum with her ds aged around 4 walking along. He's literally shouting "Oh look, there's another one Mum!" and pointing them out. His Mum loked like she wanted the ground to open

Overheard in soft play centre, two mums sat in ball pit "well I had to stop doing monkey music because of my fanny farts at instrument time"

And my 3 yo dd in swimming pool changing rooms "that boy has got a willy like daddy's. But it's not as nice as daddy's and I wouldn't touch it because I don't know him do I mummy?"

(expecting visit from social services any day now)

heard sorry!

Not over eard but me;

In the bank once the cashier asked me for my mothers maiden name... I did not know what this meant (is was around 18) so i replied with:

"she is a customer service assistant"

Cue roars of laughter...

My aunt and her first husband split up because 'the marriage wasn't constipated' according to my aunt's cousin. (First Husband couldn't get it up).

speaking to one of "the ladies" at nursery while collecting my son. she told me he had stood up at lunch and told everyone "mummy and daddy were making lots of loud noises last night" we were arguing over who was going to switch the light off honest!!

he also took a pine cone to a south african at my work and said really loudly and slowly " PINE CONE can you say that" D the south african speaks english, and luckily saw the funny side

School playground a few years ago...

"Chelsea, how many times do I have to tell you? STOP FUCKING SWEARING!"

Swimming changing rooms, again

DS, then around 3, loudly states 'that man's willy is much smaller than yours, daddy'. DH finds a cubicle promptly.

My mum, delivering a talk at church, means to say the group is like a living organism. Yes, you guessed it. It's a living orgasm. Sniggers from me and various other teenagers and everyone else bless her.

yrs ago getting off the train as a group of woman came on we just overheard this one woman going '' and i thought god what a stupid place to put a lamppost!!'' yrs we've wondered where this lamppost was ..

Overheard on the bus many moons ago:

Teenage girl 1: When Im old I hope i end up senile

Teenage girl 2: Why?

Teenage girl 1: Well, they always look really happy and like they're having a great timei think it would be great.

Teenage girl 2: Yeah you're right, that would be ace!

Overheard on a train a few weeks ago ' I don't want to sit on Daddies lap ' said about 7-8 times increasingly louder until he says 'well, what's so different about mummies lap then?' and the little boy replies ' mummies lap is big and fat and squashy!'

the mum just sighed and said 'come on then...'

My DD in church one Easter as the vicar is proclaiming Jesus rose at Easter to forever be with us: 'Jesus is alive??? He must be really old...' cue sniggering from me and a couple of others.

The vicar goes on to explain how he received his 'calling' from christ and a minute later someone's phone rings and DD asks loudly 'is that Jesus calling that man ?' :o

Overheard on the escalator the other day

"You know, the fit one out of Only Fools And Horses"

My friend's dh: "yeah, and when you get bitten by a snake you have to find an anecdote really quickly or you die"

My daughter (7) informed her father that when she is an adult her breasts will get bigger and then hang down...

Slowshow - you might be right actually - wouldn't swear to it, but is certainly possible.

Have just shown that pic to DD who is now ROFL!

NOt sure if anyone overheard this but my as teenagers my friend and I were discussing skincare. She declared that she had a 'greasy G spot'! She meant T-zone!

My mums New neighbours have some 'colourful' language and last week a boy shut his dad out of the house and this followed:

dad: Open this fucking door
son: No!
dad: Do as you're told you little cunt
son: Say please...
dad: No!
son: Do as you're told you big cunt

and a week before that, hanging out mums washing and a different neighbour comes to do the same, we started chatting about the new family and she mentions she doesn't know any of the kids names. Her 3 year old son says 'I know the little boys name. He's called cunt, his daddy said it'

I still don't know any of there names :(

DD to me in the toilet cubicle in Sainsburys.
'Have you finished Mummy, are you going to bend over and wipe your bottom'

in the middle of buying poncey cheese at Waitrose.

DH: what do you want for lunch, DD?
DD: can we go to MacDonalds, Daddy? Can we pleeeeeeeease?
DH: OK, I s'pose...
DD: can we go to the magic window, Daddy, Can we pleeeeeeeease?
DH:
me: (light dawning) she means drive-thru

All ponce-cred instantly lost as the cheese counter guy corpses.

DD1 changing for swimming with her cousin, both about 6 years old. Cousin dancing around saying , "look at my willy". DD1 says, "I think you'll find it's called a penis, and girls have a VINEGAR" [hsmile] (thanks MN for the Harry Potter smileys [hgrin] )

DH when he was a child, apparently in bus queue behind woman in huge fur coat (it was the late 70s) turns to his mum to ask, "why is the gorilla getting on the bus?"

2 dozy mares in the kiosk queue in Sainsburys by a stand of DVDs, dozy mare 1 says how she liked Groundhog Day, and asked the other who the guy was in it. DM2 looks at the DVD stand (DVDs partially hidden by each other) and says, "you must know, it was Bill Murr". DM1 nods sagely, "yeah, Bill Murr, he's really good...)

Just yesterday at work, discussing a colleague who is poorly in hospital:

Me: Have they any idea what's wrong with her yet?
Friend: No, but she's having one of those thingys tomorrow.
Me: ????
Friend: Oh, what is it called? An autopsy! That's it!

I sincerely hope not

Gerald had probably gone for a pint (and a banana) with Keith.