Overheard in a change room yesterday

Husband's best mate was stood rifling through the singles on a stall outside a record shop. A rather drugged up guy stood by him turned to him and asked 'You feel my bum?' but husband's mate thought the guy had said 'You feel the sun?' to which husband's mate replied 'Yes, it's lovely isn't it?' before he realised his mistake.

Years ago I worked at a Christian holiday camp. I was just trying to find a suitable way to gloss over "Thou shalt not commit adultery" when teaching the Ten Commandments, when a little girl (daughter of a pillar of the community) said "My mummy did that". I still don't know if she mistook the word or not...

before i had children of my own i witnessed a four or five year old having a complete paddy in the supermarket.

Very red faced he was shouting, "cunt. cunt. cunt".

I was suitablly horrified and storing up the story to shock my friends when he sat down in the middle of the aisle and said "mummmeeeeee i cunt do it. you do it for me". Said child was holding some sort of toy that evidentally needed mending.

Best female friend to me in pub while discussing our various and many boyfriend ishoos (we were 19 at the time so you can imagine the heartrending and emotional nature of our conversation):

"Oh Bicnod, I wish I could just have sex with you!"

What she meant was I wish I got on with my boyfriend as well as we get on. Or I wish I could meet someone who I got on with as well as you but who I fancied. Or something like that. But instead she said this very emphatically, very loudly in the middle of a very quiet old man pub.

Needless to say we had a lot of looks from fellow drinkers.

Still makes us when we talk about it now...

I embarrassed my Mum with this one.

After watching bedknobs and broomsticks (aged 4) I thought WW2 was still going. So when I saw a tank whilst on the bus I shouted "look Mummy the Germans are coming" All the old dears on the bus thought it was rather funny :)

When DBiL was about 4 years old, whenever he went on holiday he would pack his 'suitable' case.

This thread is brilliant!
My son aged about two: we were walking along the seafront and passed a woman with two Yorkshire Terriers, with pink ribbons on their heads:
Oh Mummy, look at those silly doggies!
That was my first experience of seeing a cat's bum mouth. Fortunately he has never embarrassed me in a public toilet!

Overheard by my ex at the barbers.
Barber: I'll take an inch off all over, do you want it in a shed?
Gent getting hair cut: Erm, can't I just have it cut in here?

DS (23ms) keeps giving me funny looks, because this thread has had me roaring with laughter! Thank you ladies
Me overheard by DM .
My DM has always explained everything to me to as full an extent as possible as she was always told as a child she wouldn't understand when she asked questions. So, cue me aged about 3 yrs with best friend aged 2.5 yrs in back garden playing, best friend wanted to know something so said "I'll ask Auntie

When my dcs were small we went camping, and a family from sarf London with loads of kids set up camp next to us. The kids were running wild, father just stood outside the tent, peacefully smoking & staring into space. At teatime, father called the kids & they all ignored him & carried on running round the tent in circles. He drawled, loudly enough for the whole campsite to hear him, "DON'T make me 'oller!"

For ages afterwards, if my two were naughty/not listening, a "Don't make me 'oller!" would have them giggling.

Anyone who has been past the Hayward Gallery this summer will know there's a chuffing big straw fox on the roof.

One woman to another on the bus: "Ooh, look at the lovely squirrel!"

nickschick - this one made me roar, thank you!

years ago ds3 drew on the staircase wall ......H was furious he yelled and made ds try and scrub it off,Ds3 was trying but it just wouldnt lift and the wallpaper was taking a battering.
H wouldnt let him leave.
So I deliberately distracted H by showing him my boobs whilst ds3 wasnt (I thought, looking)
Ds3 made his escape.
Next day on taking ds1 and 2 to school Ds3 told the headmistress and the school priest 'I was naughty last night,I drew on the wall Daddy was cross but Mummy showed him her boobies and it was ok.
The head said 'isnt your mummy kind'.

DD2 (2) is in the habit of telling acquaintances "My daddy has a willy."

We went to a wildlife park and she whipped my skirt up in the cafe. A man in the queue guffawed, rather ungentlemanly I thought.

DD1 at about the same age used to say "Mummy, you have a braastley bottom," loudly, in public toilets.

Years ago, in the viewing tunnel of Blackpool Sealife Centre at feeding time, everyone crowded and silent in awe, DB (about 2 at the time) decides to wake from a nap and start yelling excitedly "maffif tarts, look maffif tarts" mum swiftly pushes him out into an exhibition space whilst dad apologises and explains he was pointing at the sharks not the group of overmade-up women

Whilst making a cup of tea for my lovely Nan (92) and her friend they were discussing her recent shopping trip looking for a perfume.

"I couldnt beleive my eyes" she said "it was called F.U.C.K how disgusting"

que lots of giggling from the kitchen.

Euphemia, it's a fair point!

Pigley DD (9) said to me yesterday "Mum, I'm sooo glad I'm a girl, I mean boys have to touch their, you know, penis to go to the toilet!"

(At home with no-one else present, thank goodness!)

ThingOne, relatedly, I'm dying to post notes all round town saying 'You've ruined my day, Gerald'. Basically the Sloane Banksy.

My youngest daughter used to love going to the Indian Restaurant on a Sunday (buffet) as the waiters always made a huge fuss of her. She wanted her 3rd birthday party there so we took her and a friend and everything was going really well....then the place went all quiet and she chirped up "mum, can I have another condom please". Shocked looks from the other diners turned to loud laughs, much to her dismay as she chomped on her poppadom.

My DH is eager to go to the supermarket with me and be forbidden bananas in a stern voice, just to see the reaction [hgrin]. I think we should start a new craze. I'm not sure DH is up for being called Keith!

DS (22 months at the time) and I sat down on the bus next to a lady with a buggy with the rain cover pulled down. DS leaned over to look into the buggy and loudly declared to the whole bus "Look! Dog Woof Woof!"(He had just learned this and was saying it a lot) Mortified that he had referred to someone's baby as a dog I said loudly enough for everyone to hear "Don't be silly DS, that's not a dog that's a baby" Then I look in to the buggy and yep.... it's a Chihuahua. Cue much snickering from the other passengers [hblush] 1-0 to DS that day then [hgrin]

My DS calls his willy his 'doodie'. My DH was drying him after his bath and DS said 'you like touching doodies don't you daddy!'

not overheards but classics from my 2yr old.

In the bath with Daddy. stands looking at Daddys bits then turns to me and says Mummy I dont want to touch that. Errmmm Good!

Good friends getting married. As the bride walks down the isle DD shouts out "ohh pretty dress" which was quite sweet. Managed to keep her quiet during the vows untill the bride had finished hers when DD announces loudly." Good girl" to the bride!

After many, many toilet trips warning dd1 not to open the door while I'm on the loo it has finally got through to her. I now get "I won't open the door mummy. Nobody wants to see you bum, do they? They don't want to see your big bum cos they wouldn't like that, would they?"

Friend's daughter as a box of wine went over the supermarket scanner...

"ahh, special juice".