Overheard in a change room yesterday

Reminds me of when I was on a tube train with my dd aged about 3 years. In a loud voice, she said to a West Indian sitting next to her 'what colour is your willy?' For a moment I froze, but then relaxed as he burst into laughter, as did several passengers sitting near us. My dd just looked round with a very puzzled face, but she never did get an answer.

melika - that sems a bizarre response on both sides. I would have just said (in an audible voice), "because her dad must have dark skin" or something. He was only asking. The other mum was odd for taking offense too. It's so easy to explain.

Standing in the post office waiting to pick sweets on a Friday, my DS turns around and says loudly, 'Mom, why is that girl brown?'

I turn round to meet with her very stern mothers face, I looked down to see the girl and could not think of what to say, I was dumbstruck.

The mother directly said to my son, 'It's because her dad is foreign!'

I floundered, 'yes, yes, now what sweets do you want?'

Never felt so embarrassed, the best thing about it was, the girl was in his school, a year below him in reception. He has got to have seen her before. He had also been to a very multicultural nursery. Needless to say, we made a hasty retreat from the shop and that woman gave me horrible looks for the next 5 years.[hblush]

My friend and I arrived at my DM's house to pick up my DS, 3. I said "say hello, DS". He said to my friend: "I had a stingy willy but my mum put cream on it and it's all better now, Spiderman shoots webs from his hands and swings on them". My friend just said hi :o

When I worked in a restaurant aged about 16, I served an elderly lady a peice of cheesecake - as I was leaving the table I heard her telling her grandchildren that the fruit on the top was a Syphalis! I didn't have the heart to correct her!

At a pub quiz, up comes the immortal question:

"What is the collective term for a group of beavers?"

Cue a mystified woman in her 60's piping up:

"Why is everyone laughing?"

'Twas my mum !

The other day I kept telling 4yo Dd to change her knickers, put clean knickers on Dd...
We left the house and just as I was locking the porch door, she says at the top of her voice Mummy! you didn't change my knickers!!!

Today, I'm walking along with my Mum and my Dd in town when Dd says something about a wet dream . I say, Dd you mustn't talk about things like that, so she again repeats what I was saying on the phone to a very good friend about my Ds needing to wear pants in bed in case he starts getting wet dreams ...I of course have to try to turn it into a possible bed wetting scenario for Dd (imagine her taking that one into nursery tomorrow!

I took DS into the toilets in our towns posh department store. He was 3 or so, and went into the cubicle alone. He was in there for ages. I was getting impatient, and there was an ever increasing queue of elderly twinsetted ladies waiting to answer the call. So... I said "Come on James, what are you doing in there?"....And the answer?..."A really big poo, Mummy!"
Needless to say, we made a sharp exit!

Elderly lady to DS: How old are you?
DS: 3 and a half.

DS: What number are you?
Elderly lady: 82.
DS: Ooh that's a big number, isn't it Mammy?

2 Old lady stall holders at the Barras market in Glasgow.

1st Old Lady - 'Jeanie, look at this (old lady is reading the Sunday Sport) - you'll never credit it! This woman has just given birth to a litter of pups (I peep over their shoulder and there is a badly doctored photo of a woman having given birth to about 8 pups).'

2nd Old Lady - 'Isa, that's bloody amazing, dear God!'

Me - snorting noisily in the background.

In a swimming pool changing cubicle I overheard a small boy saying "Look Daddy I can make my winky stand up and cry"
Daddy- "Yes but we don't do that here"
Boy- "Daddy your winky is really big. It doesn't stand up though"
Daddy- "Shhhh. Now. Please. Just stop speaking."

It was my DS and DH.

I was snorting for a long while afterwards.

Not so much what a child says.....

Was at a party in a hall Friday night. Went to the toilet, went in cubicle. Was weeing when next cubicle became free and someone went in. Cue sounds of grunting and straining very loudly - which I immediately recognised as DS1 aged 5. (didnt realise he'd followed me in) I hissed very loudly over the partition - "DS1, is that you, be quiet" to which he replied "Yes Mummy, Wipe my bum I'm ready" - I walked out the toilet to find him bent over singing, bum in the air with poo still attached in front of everyone else in the toilets!

He's nearly 5 and fully toilet trained, honest!!!

Round at PILs one evening, watching a comedian do a routine about oral sex on tv (I have no idea how this happened)...MIL pipes up "What's a clitoris? Never heard of it". Dh looked like he was going to pass out, FIL was red as a beetroot, I nearly wet myself laughing

Me going to the public loo at a country market in Sussex. Woman in the next "stall" (only two). "Oh, is that you, Miranda, peeing like a horse? I've been looking for you everywhere!" Me: "No, I'm afriad not." Was one of the few times I've not hung around to wash my hands....

my niece was out shopping with her mum when a rather portly man in golf trousers walked past. my niece who was 4 shouted loudly "look humpty dumpty".

I saw this one in one of those chat/take a break type mags but it has stuck with me. A small child and mum were out ina the street when a man with loads of tattoos walked past. The child said in a loud voice " i bet his mum will be mad and take his felt tips away now".

Just remembered a recent one.

Ds saw a man with blue hair and pointed and shrieked in a very sanctimonious tone 'does his mummy know he's done that?!'

Poor man looked mortified. I said 'erm yes'

Ds: well (shakes head) humph (obviously stuck for what to say) I think that's naughty.

Lots of old ladies nod approvingly. 2 minutes pass.

Ds: I will dye my hair red and blue when I'm big. Not just blue, that's silly.

I was in a shop a while back where two ladies of a certain age, dressed very conservatively in twinsets, pleated skirts and sensible shoes were huffing and puffing as they moved boxes of stock around. One said to the other:
'Oooh Enid, I'm really looking forward to that cup of tea, we've been humping all day'

In quiet public loo cubicle (long queue outside) with DD when she says 'Mummy, why do you have a willy?'

I do not have a willy.

Things I've learnt today, do not take dc swimming and keep up my pelvic floor excersizes so can avoid public loo's on trips out [hgrin]

Last week I was walking in town and went past a girl in her 20's and her (I assume MIL); the girl suddenly said very loudly "Shut up, shut up!! I'll talk about your sons penis!!"

I work in a pre-school and get some real gems from the kids who are all 4-5 years old. A few months after I had DS one of the girls asked "Are you having another baby?" me "No." little girl "Then why is your tummy still really big?" cheers kid.