Overheard in a change room yesterday

FPS, fantastic son. I hope they were siutable ashamed

When I worked in a clothes shop we sold these awful t-shirts which said "3 some" on the front.

A small child had grabbed one off the rail and was waving it at her mum, while the mum was desperately trying to ignore it.

"mummy mummy!! mummy!!!! look at this!!! you like these don't you?"

When my DD's were about 5 and 4 we were waiting in Newcastle airport for our flight to Menorca an elderley couple started chatting to them about their holidays and told them that they (the couple) were off to Corfu.

"Oh" says DD1 "We've been there - haven't we Mammy? That's where Daddy pooed his pants in the sea wasn't it?"

Cue very red faced DH and a rather startled couple of pensioners

I have said this before on here- but last year whilst pregnant, went to loo with dd (3 at the time). DD1 asks loudly why my bits are hairy. And carries on asking. To which i reply-
'to keep the baby warm'.

I couldn't make eye contact with anyone when I left the cubicle.

She is now insistent I am having another baby. DD2 is 10 months old- I am very conscious I look 11 months pregnant- so thanks, DD1!

I overheard two young (not older than 11) girls in a changing room. Their mums were running around getting clothes for them

Girl1 : he totally ruined my valentines day so i'm going to ruin his birthday!
Girl2 : why. What did he do??
Girl1 : he gave me LIKE only 20 quid.. It was okay though, the Other guy gave me 30.
Girl2 : oh my gawd, 20 quid?
Lots of laughter

I was like...... I didn't get 20 quid for valentines, what the hell!

I'm actually quite proud of this one. ds who was 5 at the time had been present at a family do. My two brothers and mum got drunk and started having a go at me. I was boring...up my own arse etc. (I was pregnant and suffering from spd, so not really in a sociable or happy mood). The next time we saw them ds stood in the centre of the room with his hands on his hips. He then declared that anyone who was mean to his Mummy was nasty and had to leave. Then he said with a wagging finger. "That means you Uncle Simon and you Nana!" I was impressed that my son stuck up for me off his own back. He was only 5 at the time.

At a christening a couple of years ago. "Auntie Julie! Auntie Julie! My mummy says you are stuck up. How do you get stuck up? Can you sit down?"

My neighbour was at a church social do and happened to be wearing hipsters. She sat down on the steps and obviously a little bum cleavage was showing. Cue her 7 year old DS shouting from the other side of the place, "Mum! I can see your bumhole!"

One of my sons asked to see my tummy. He said "it's just like a marshmellow". "You need to go on 'The Biggest Loser'"

Thanks son!

DH and DS were coming out the men's loos.

DS (to random stranger entering the loos): You can do poos or wees in the toilets. I've just done a poo. Are you going to do a poo or a wee?

Another time I was in the loos with DD2. As we left the cubicle, DD turned to the queue, and said, "Mummy's just done a poo. Well done Mummy. Hooray". What's more, some of the queue joined in with her round of applause.

DS hasn't done this to me yet, but it's only a matter of time, especially as he's another lock-opener on the loo cubicle door.
DoingTheBest - I did snigger out loud at your one but partly in sympathy!

One day I will get pay back for my own mother-embarrassment - in the shopping trolley, so facing backwards, I said to my Mum "mummy, what's wrong with that man's face?" Mum, cringing and mortified, didn't want to look round in case there was some poor soul with a nasty scar or deformity or something, but when she did sneak a peek she saw a man with a huge bushy ginger beard, grinning broadly.

I was in the loo once pre children and laughing at a wee girl who had this conversation with her mum:

Girl: mum I'm doing a poo
Mum: (quietly) good girl
Girl: (grunting) its a really BIG one
Mum: ok hurry up darling
Girl: its still in my bum mummy AND its touching the water too - it. Is. Enormorous.
(Girl stands up)
Mum: turn round so I can wipe you
Girl: (indignantly) I'm not finished mummy I just got off to have a look so I can tell daddy about it later
Mum: dies of shame!

I now have kids so have a few corkers of my own:

At fish counter:
Ds: are those fish dead mummy?
Me: yes
Ds: who did it? Who killes them? (Looking around accusingly)
Me: the fisherman
Ds; is that (pointing at fishmonger) the fisherman?? Did he kill them?
Me: erm no...
Ds: (ignoring me) well that's not nice is it mummy? It isn't nice to kill things is it? He is a BAD MAN! You shouldn't chop things up and kill them mummy.
(Pauses for a minute)
Ds: are you getting any fish for tea mummy? I like eating chopped up dead things, I like eating chopped up dead things (he then sung this all thje way round tesco)

Another one in a cafe not long after having dd

Ds: why is your tummy still big?
Me: errrr
Ds: cos you said it was cos the baby was in it but its come out the special tunnel thingy now and its still big. It actually is. (Folded arms in a 'end of' way)
Me: thanks ds.

why wsn't your dd in the buggy though?

oh kellstar, nightmare!

No, I don't think there is - once they are old enough to stand and understand instructions of "don't touch anything" going for a wee while out and about gets much easier

I can't cope when people say "Embroidery Anglaise" instead of "Broiderie Anglaise"

If you were in Bristol Ikea toilets one evening last week you would have seen a very desperate new mum. Buggy laden with shopping, loo with a kiddies seat to allow you to pee in comfort had a lovely little poo on it!! Braved a normal cubicle with DD slung over one shoulder so jeans and panties could be shimmied down, why I decided to wear the skin tight jeans with no stretch, I dont know. getting on with my business, DD is waving at the motion sensing flush, not a very nice thing at all, cold water goes all over my bot, then I notice no loo roll, hell on earth holding DD trying to pull these jeans back on one handed over a wet bot. I was trying to lean against the cubicle wall to get some compression going on, ended up having to waddle out of the cubicle and ask for help. I don't know what they thought was going on, but when I came out with DD over my arm, they did chuckle. Sooo embarrased, she's 6mo so know there is much worse to come.

DH heard this in a changing room, while he was waiting for me:

woman Trying on a dress: Do you like it?
man: Yeah - it's nice.
boy: Mummy, mummy
woman: Shhhh, mummy's talking, (to husband) Do you think it suits me?
man: Yeah, it suits you
boy: Mummy, mummy!
woman: Not now, I'm talking to Daddy. (To husband) You don't think it make my bum look big?
man: No (he really couldn't've cared less according to DH).
boy: Mummy, mummy!!
woman: WHAT? (really cross and irritated)
boy: Your arms look fat.

DH said he had to do his best not to burst out laughing.

years ago ds3 drew on the staircase wall ......H was furious he yelled and made ds try and scrub it off,Ds3 was trying but it just wouldnt lift and the wallpaper was taking a battering.

H wouldnt let him leave.

So I deliberately distracted H by showing him my boobs whilst ds3 wasnt (I thought, looking)

Ds3 made his escape .

Next day on taking ds1 and 2 to school Ds3 told the headmistress and the school priest 'I was naughty last night,I drew on the wall Daddy was cross but Mummy showed him her boobies and it was ok.

The head said 'isnt your mummy kind'.

Old neighbour used to drive her son to nursery. It's a five min walk. I told her she should maybe walk. Her response was
"I suppose it would save on h2o emissions"

Ds in cubicle at swimming
"don't look at me mummy"
"MUMMY!!! Don't look!!! It's really weird!!!!". He was 3

Another time, a girl at nursery had just had a baby sister. She told ds the baby came out of her mummys tummy. Ds responded by saying "don't be silly, babies come out of ginas!" loudly in front of everyone. I had to later explain that,in this case and some cases women have a c section

Having lunch in a pub recently - on the next table was a young man, with his baby DD, who was having lunch with his parents. He started to tell them a story about his DD's 'bibs and Muslims', the phrase being repeated a few times. His dad didn't appear to have noticed what his DS was saying but I could see the mum struggling to keep a straight face

I once had a parent-teacher meeting with a difficult boy and his difficult mum. Difficult step-dad was in prison for GBH so mum brought difficult lesbian partner with her instead. Said partner lit up a fag in my classroom! I was just summoning up the courage to say something, when the child said "Fuck's sake- you can't fucking light up in here!" The mum said "Stop swearing!"

Many parents do, and it is so much a part of their lives that they don't see anything strange in having a conversation like that with a helpful teacher in school.

and just for the register I'm no angel, I am regularly a shouting, cross, grumpy mummy and sometimes not nice to DS :( But the casual swearing is a revelation!