Overheard in a change room yesterday

DD always talks at the top of her voice. We were getting changed for swimming and she'd already been at school that day.
She asked me if I'd seen a boys willy. I said yes.
She said was it a hula hoop or a banana? I said I didn't understand the question.
She proceeded to list the boys in her class who had hula hoops and the boys with bananas.
I worked out that some were circumsised and some weren't.
As we were leaving the cubicle to get into the water, she shouted out, is daddy a hula hoop or a banana?
One mum,who had clearly heard all this, just asked 'well?'

I was in a shopping centre toilet once with my son, when he was about 2. This happened:

Son: "My willy's bigger than daddy's"
Me: "Yes, it probably is"

Son: "Daddy's willy looks like my little finger"
Me: "Ok. Are you done now?"

Son: "Actually. I know exactly what daddy's willy looks like. It looks like a COW'S UDDER!"

Whenever she does a poo she grunts incredibly loudly, full on sound effects, the works. This is my fault because when she was being potty trained, I exaggerated her normal "pooing in nappy" face with some extra dramatic sounds to try and encourage her to poo. Now she thinks that is what you are supposed to do.

Whatever you do, don't let her take up tennis.

Brilliant example of overloud, competitive parenting and child hot housing all at the same time at Bristol Zoo last half term.
Two yummy mummies, both with approx 10 month olds in buggies; we followed them from the tills and caught up with them en route around the zoo.

"Sophia, I've solved the great Meercat mystery"
"Oh, well done to you Goergie, "O" is for Oscar, would have been devestated if we hadn't found them" (The O was pronounced phonetically)
""L" is for Lilly is exactly the same, she instantly recognised them from the pictures".

My Dad was in a cubicle in a public toilet and overheard a chap who walked into the toilets singing a little ditty to himself...

Dum de dum diddly dee - I think I need to have a wee...
Dum de dum diddly dit - I've changed my mind I need a shit

Chablis, I get the nappy comment, too, usually in a really, really busy toilet.

to be in lingerie department of large store for DS to run over with bra he insisted on carrying for me and hold it up to a GG cup bra and say mummy look it is so much bigger than yours.

Then when I decided not to buy bra he would not leave it back as he insisted I would look so pretty in it!!

Have had many a don't you dare open that door in public toilets and also mummy whats that on your pants when its my period and mummy why do you wear a nappy sometimes?!!!?

In church, when DS was christened at the age of 15 months. The godparents were doing their promises. Vicar got to 'Do you reject the devil'. DS who has just learned to walk and does not want to be held pipes up with his only word: 'NO!'

At Tewksbury Medieval Festival yesterday, this made me

"Mummy look at the dolly it's lovely, can I have one?" - little girl to her mum about some knitted dolls"

"No darling, you don't play with girls toys, you play with BOYS toys, remember? lets buy you a sword..."

Ha ha,thats made me laugh so much,i can just imagine the old peoples faces

Dointhebestican Yes - DH did poo his pants (well, his swimshorts) in Corfu!

I love 'Uncle Gary's' disappointment in the Mona Lisa - priceless

I was at an inspire morning at my son's school. (it's a day where all parents spend a day in the classroom doing fun activities).

There was a lull in proceedings and my ds asked very loudly " mummy, do you know any lesbians?"

I replied, "yes darling I do". He was happy with my response.

Many moons ago when DSD was little she had 2 hamsters at our house that she called, inexplicably, Granny and Gravy.

Cue conversation in the swimming pool changing rooms "I'm really sorry that Granny escaped" "Well DSD you shouldn't have left the cage open"

whilst I hastily explained to the surrounding shocked faces.

Love threads like this :o

I have a fond memory of my friend's late father, a very straightlaced man (a local councillor). I was at their house and walking past his office to go outside, and just heard him say "oh... KNICKERS!!!" :)

clutches sides

My dd (13) admiring my crystal bracelet over dinner in Wetherspoons last week.
" mum what's that stone called again? Hermaphrodite isn't it?"

Well, it was Haematite, but cue peals of stifled laughter from the table behind!

A couple of weeks ago I was in Burger King with all 4 dcs (treat for ds1 and dd1 passing gym badges) when they opened their free toys (ben10 wristwatch type water pistols) dd1 (5) got all excited and shouted to her big brother "db I've got a strap-on"!........ Cue silence in the restaurant [hblush]

Not overheard but my ex mil always used to call it 'High Street Musical'

Conjures up all sorts of imagery!

Many years ago I worked in Sainsburys. I had an elderly lady come through my till and she was buying smoked salmon which was on special offer.

"The salmon here is alright, but it's no match for the salmon from Lid-ells"

Took me a while to realise she meant Lidl..

And just last week DD1 (4) pulled the old "Mummy, your bum is REALLY FAT" in a toilet cubicle :(

Whenever she does a poo she grunts incredibly loudly, full on sound effects, the works. This is my fault because when she was being potty trained, I exaggerated her normal "pooing in nappy" face with some extra dramatic sounds to try and encourage her to poo. Now she thinks that is what you are supposed to do. Cue nursery ringing me up a few months back expressing their concern over a particularly noisy visit to the bathroom she had made

lol when i worked in a chippy as a teenager a man ordered chips and 3 tubs of mushy peas ......mushy peas are well known for giving you wind - I innocently said Im glad Im not sleeping with you tonight .......So am (I boomed this stern headmistressy voice) have you slept with him before?? it was his wife.

DF always has the same thing from the chinese/chippy, large chips and a battered sausage. One night he had gone to see his mum so I popped in to get my usual order - sans his.

The lovely first generation Chinese lady that served shouted really loudly when my order was ready...

"Ahhh! insert my real name here! Your chip! Your boyfriend, he have no sausage no?!?"

Overheard in a zoo somewhere, think it was Australia Zoo:
Man to small son: yes son, those are lemurs. Yes, like King Julian in Madagascar, that's right.

We were standing looking at the meerkat enclosure. [hgrin]

Another Chester Zoo one, overheard in the loos:

Kayleigh's mum: "Right, now wipe. Well done. And flush. Good girl, Kayleigh."

Still Kayleigh's mum: "URGH, NO, KAYLEIGH, GERRAWAY FROM THEM SINKS, THEY'RE MINGING. STOP WASHING YOUR HANDS NAAAAAAHHHHH!"

The sinks were fine. Particularly when compared to the loos, which had got a bit Saturday afternoon.

Another time I was in the loos with DD2. As we left the cubicle, DD turned to the queue, and said, "Mummy's just done a poo. Well done Mummy. Hooray". What's more, some of the queue joined in with her round of applause

Oh good god, thats fantastic!

Lived and worked in Place called Los Gigantes in Tenerife. They are the tallest cliffs in Europe.

One day in a coffee shop overheard 2 older ladies talking. one says to the other 'Oh aren't those cliffs lovely, I wonder when they were put there as they weren't here when we came last year'

I actually snorted coffee.