Overheard in a change room yesterday

I have to admit that I'm like Keith's wife!

Sent dh shopping and i had nipped in to PIL's when he phoned asking if he could buy some sprouts; cue me on the phone saying no you can't have any/not allowed any (you really can't imagine how bad they make him stink the house out!) cue funny looks from PIL that i am telling their son no he can't have sprouts cue funny looks in the supermarket that a grown man is asking his wife if he can have sprouts

I've loved reading these!

Today in Starbucks I overheard a woman and her husband -
H: Oh, didn't you get me a coffee?
W: You asked for tea, so I got you tea.
H: mumbles
W: You got what you asked for, now shut up and drink it!

It reminded me of Keith and his bananas

I remember being mortified by my mildly autistic 14 year old DS on a plane. We were off for a weekend away and I was in holiday mode so I'd ordered a bacardi and coke from the stewardess.

DS: " Alcoholic!" (said very loudly in an authoritative tone)

The stewardess laughed outright, and nearby passengers tried to cover up their sniggers. I had to pretend to find it amusing too. After She'd moved on I whispered to DS: " Why did you say that?"
DS: "Well, it is."
Me: " What is what? What are you talking about?"
DS: " Your drink. It is alcoholic."

Nojustification and LadyClarice - dh had the entirely opposite problem with ds3 on a train, when ds3 was about 3. Dh let him go to the loo on his own - he knew how to work the buttons to open and shut the doors, and didn't need to leave the carriage they were in, so dh thought it would be fun for him.

Dh's attention switched back to the other two boys, and he suddenly realised that ds3 had been in the loo an awfully long time, so he went in search, to find a queue at the loo, and ds3 still inside, singing cheerfully to himself. When dh asked him why he was still in there, he said he couldn't find the 'Open' button (which stumped dh somewhat - he was pretty sure that they were unlikely to have designed a loo without a button to open the doors from the inside). He advised ds3 to press all the buttons he could see, and very quickly, ds3 opened the door - and when dh checked, it turned out that, whilst the train loos that ds3 had used before and was used to, had Lock and Open buttons, this one had Lock and Unlock buttons, and poor ds3 didn't know 'Unlock' yet!

DD1 (4) in m&s loos with me on a very busy Saturday afternoon... And I'd just had a bit of a tummy upset...

DD: "ugh, mummy, that STINKS"
Me "shhhhhh"
DD (getting louder) " NO, mummy, that really does stink, ugh, let me out" (cue lock fiddling)
Me. "(hissing loudly) "Leave that alone and just wait for one minute"
DD. (very loud) "hurry up mummy, I just can't bear it any longer, it really really smells"

Mortified, I shuffled out without making eye contact with anyone

'Oh well done Mummy, you did a great big poo!'

...said my DD to myself in the House of Fraser toilets on an extremely busy Saturday afternoon.

DD was potty training.

Believe me we stayed in the cubicle till the queue outside would well and truly have been & gone

I have been reading this with tears rolling down my face and trying very hard not to laugh too loudly (don't want to wake the kids).

But I work with someone called Keith and I won't be able to look at him now without laughing.

apparently just after db was born (i was about 3) my mum had explained about how babies are made

on the bus was a heavily pg woman - i shouted very loudly and very clearly - look at that lady mum, we know what she's been doing!! She's been having sex!!!!!

in the pool changing rooms with dd - for some reason she likes stroking my boobs. i asked her to stop but she pipes up to a full changing room 'but mum i love boobies and yours are so lovely'

ds used to be in the car when dh dropped me to work - it's in a city centre which is busy etc. one morning a woman cuts dh up and ds pipes up in the back 'stupidfuckingwoman' - ds again in the back of his childminders car. the little girl mindee had nodded off and they were nearly back home. ds pipes up 'xxxx wake up'....'xxx wake up'.......'oh for fucks sake xxx wake up'! cm had to get him to repeat it as she thought she'd misheard. dh is a mechanic and was so used to swearing at work it sometimes used to pop out - we are much more careful with out language these days

DP had taken DS1 with him to fetch a chinese takeaway last year, and they had a bit of a wait so DP suggested sit down. He picked up a paper and DS1 (6 or 7 at the time) reached for another, opening The Sun he announced loudly 'Wow, they're huge!' To the amusement of several other customers. Poor boy must've gotten a shock as he'd never seen a copy of The Sun before!

DP had taken DS1 with him to fetch a chinese takeaway last year, and they had a bit of a wait so DP suggested sit down. He picked up a paper and DS1 (6 or 7 at the time) reached for another, opening The Sun he announced loudly 'Wow, they're huge!' To the amusement of several other customers. Poor boy must've gotten a shock as he'd never seen a copy of The Sun before!

I was at a parents information day at the school at which DS was due to start in September. He had a boob fascination thing going on at that time. He spent the whole time trying to squeeze my boobs whilst I was sat at a table with about 20 other prospective parents. I was trying to whisper to him to stop squeezing my boobs but he just thought it was a game and just kept on trying to squeeze! I didn't dare look up and catch anyone's eye whilst also trying to stop myself from sniggering as I could see the funny side whilst simultaneously being mortified!

nojustification, a similar thing happened to me and I empathise deeply! Although I didn't have kids with me (I was just too stupid to operate both the 'close' and the 'lock' buttons), and my audience wasn't a crowd of footie fans but just one, young, attractive, young man ...

Would like to add one, just so I feature on this brilliant thread...
When I was 11 I was asked by the school chaplain what religion I and my DSis were...
My answer was 'We're little heathens!' Because that was what my parents had always told me...

DM was when she got a call from him and we got christened shortly afterwards!

Ok not in a changing room but a card shop............

Customer: Do you have any of those commemorative keys for an 18 year olds birthday?

Assistant: No I'm Sorry we have sold out.

Customer: Oh well, I suppose it is the time of year when they all come of age, I knew I should have bought it when I first saw it.

[hgrin] - not as obscure as you'd hoped, eh, JM?
have another

Ah, so that's why you sounded like jacksmama
all is clear
Especially my gin and tonic! :)

Ooops, jacks, sorry, I got the second half of your name wrong. Probably due to the tears of laughter clouding my eyes! :o