Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

1. A thread has been posted in AIBU with 6,898 replies. Do you:

a) skim the OP and fall over your fingers posting a blindingly insightful reply too page 1.
b) read all 32 pages and post a short, considered response looking at both sides of the issue and citing the names of all the major players in the thread to date.
c) Read pages 1 and 32 and threaten to report the cunts who blatantly didn't bother to READ THE FUCKING THREAD.
d) Agree with Hecate.

When presented with an unexplained link, what is your reaction?

I'm weeping with laughter and absolutely unable to answer half of these (let alone attempt anything wittier).

Also praying I don't get expelled from MN (and - oh the horror - sent to NM) for accidental late-night misspelling/txt spk in this post... Will I get away with it if I add an inappropriate ?

What do you consider to be the most suitable birthday celebration for your 5 year old child?

a) a party with 10 friends at the soft play place, followed by a buffet of shop-bought sausage rolls and froot shoots

b) a performance of the lesser known works of Shostakovich by a Bulgarian string quintet

c) there isn't space in Timothy's schedule for any birthday celebration, as he mustn't miss his French lesson and his ballet exam is next Saturday

Score one point if you can answer yes to any of the following questions

Have you ever?

Accidentally vajazzled yourself
Had a vigorous discussion about bumsex on a Friday evening
Used a mooncup
Eaten nice ham
Told anyone to fuck the fuck off & when you get there fuck off some more
Been horrified by the language in the above statement
Found yourself making up imaginary lives for people with, quite frankly, ridiculous names
Flounced
Said 'Dump the bastard'
Tried controlled crying
Tried to kill someone who tried controlled crying
Breastfed a child
Breastfed a child for longer than two years
Thought anyone who breastfed a child for longer then two years, was, quite frankly, a loon with ishoos
Been repulsed by the sight of a woman breastfeeding a child in public (particularly if there is a flash of nip)
Flaunted your womanly bazoomas whilst breastfeeding your eight year old. In the pub.
Been a WOHM
Been a SAHM

Take one point away if you can answer yes to any of the following questions;

Have you ever?

Used the phrase hun, hugz, LOL, LOLing, lil'
Fed your child a Gregg's sausage roll/fruitshoot/turkey twizzler/McDonald's Happy Meal
Worn Crocs
Worn Per Una
Worn a waterfall cardigan
Smoked a fag
Worn linen trousers, particularly 3/4 length
Read or regularly read any of the following, The Daily Mail, The Daily Express, The Sun, Nuts, Zoo
Bought your children any Disney Princess items (discount if said child is a boy, this, is ok)
Allowed your children to watch Ben 10
Allowed Your children to play on an electronic gaming device for over 2 minutes at a time
Enjoyed a hen night where the participants wear pink/fairy wings/schoolgirl outfits/cowboy hats
Had a useless or indiscriminately priapic husband & not, in fact, dumped the bastard

Bonus round

Award yourself 50 points if you can answer yes to any of the below;

You know the whole Cod story.
You can write a coherent argument as to why both breast & bottle feeding are acceptable (award yourself 100 bonus points if everyone agrees)
Tell me what did happen to the Moldies?? Do they now only exist in an alternative reality?

Deduct 50 points if you can answer yes to any of the following;

Are you 15 & off school for half-term?
Are you a member of Netmums?
Do you get your jollies by pretending to be skint/betrayed/a woman/in need of help when you are none of the above?

dont recall who bj for mcd poster was,damn funny though

Gina Ford - her baby routines are obviously fantastic - describe how they worked for you without saying anything negative at all about it in 1000 words or less.

Oh I suddenly feel like all is well in the world....thank you Chaos

pa, I just feel grateful to realise that I wasn't the only person (after several years) to remember whose thread that was! Twas very funny though....

Compare and contrast the approaches to parenting contained in the following works, including the full name and author of each:

UP
How to talk...
Playful Parenting
That Angel child one that nearly drove me demented
That dreadful one by you know who that definitely drove me demented and for which I held a burning ceremony

Not chopping off your Mooncup stem leads to unfortunate chafing. Discuss.

Chopping off your Mooncup stem leads to the bloody thing getting stuck up there and DH having to fish it out. Discuss.

the bj for McD was a hilarious thread
all righteous indignation
a woman went under a horse so likes of you can suck meat for capitalist meat type shit

1. Front hall: clunch, slipper satin or blackened white? Give at least three supporting reasons.

1. I've been with my DP for two months. He's on a course today and even though I've texted him 67 times and left 18 voicemails he hasn't got back to me! Really panicking now. Is he:

a) emotionally avoidant
b) a narcissist
c) shagging a colleague?

scottishmummy - i was so badly flammed for that transgression that i never had oral sex ever again!!

Compare and contrast the emergence of the sub species commonly known as 'ex wives' and 'step mothers'. Pay particular relevance to the 'sacred cow' ideology applied to each species in the context of 'AIBU' threads.

(Extra marks will be awarded for the use of 'crazy ex wife' and 'BM')

is my DD

1. A genius?
2. Emotionally mature?
3. Politically sensitive?
4. Artistically gifted?

Is your DD

1. Slightly behind her peer group in reading?
2. A bit of a worry, what with not having all her teeth yet?
3. A TART, she is wearing a glittery teeshirt!
4. A narcissist. At four months, she should have developed some empathy!

Question 622

Your partner has come home tonight with a large bunch of flowers for you. Should you

a) Throw partner out and change the locks, as this is clearly a guilt offering after some unforgivable indiscretion
b) Throw partner out and change the locks, as you realise that this gift represents the commodification of women under the patriarchy
c) Throw flowers out, as they clash horribly with your decor
d) Throw flowers out, as they are not organic and possibly even imported
e) You are a modern and independent woman and can buy your own flowers, thank you very much
f) Say "how lovely" and put the flowers in a vase

hehe bigmac for bj.classic
1.do you suck harder for extra fries
2.swallow,think of the golden arches
3.after liberation by the mn chatteratti leave and join a mooncup commune
4.think thats last time i get gobby on mn

My cat has just pooed in her litter tray. I have shot her.

Can't be too careful she might venture outdoors..................and then your children might die.

Also, my neighbour's dog looked at me and drooled. Will he eat me and the DC's?

with regards to ali's post

Have you ever traded a blow job for a pair of shoes?

Nup, i sold myself out for a bigmac!!

My exhuberant puppy of a ds wishes to bring a huge supersoaker to a party mainly comprised of girls in pretty frocks with no supersoakers. AIBU to think this is a fabby idea?

Spooning while bf - hippy dippy lurrvliness or you twisted sicko?

Finish these phrases:

river of __
cube of __

Classics, please MNHQ

Group posters on this thread into categories based their pubic topiary habits.

woman with shaved armpits
1.is she anti-feminist
2.strumpet
3.a good ride
4.my nan

Your best mate is getting married to her partner, with whom she's already got two children. Are you:

(a) breathless with excitement about her Special Day?
(b) horrified at her capitulation to the patriarchy
(c) pleased by her pragmatism in sorting out the logistics if one of them dies
(d) worried for her, because obviously if he really loved her he'd have married her before kids?