Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

Explain the history and origin of the following MN emoticons: -

Include the exact circumstances that lead to their creation including key MNetters and/or politicos involved.

If one MNer swallows a piece of lego on Tuesday, calculate the number of hours before she starts an MN thread.
Multiply the number of posters responding to the thread by the actual progress of the lego.
Estimate when the lego is likely to reappear.

Discuss, using examples where appropriate, exactly how 'doing BLW' differs from just letting your baby help themselves to food.

Question 8726: You are posting the question: "Guess what I found in my teenage DS's bedside drawer?"

What it is the precise number of replies that must be posted before you provide the answer, in order to produce the following results:

a) a feeling of dissatisfaction, akin to premature ejaculation, amongst MNers unable to post their replies in time

b) genuine interest in the actual answer, with a variety of witty and original suggestions leading to an overall feeling of bonhomie towards you, the OP, as you dripfeed/reveal the fascinating solution

c) frustration, boredom, anger, despair and eventual abandonment of the thread in droves, as MNers actually have a fucking life to lead and have already suggested every sick combination of used condom/jazz mag/gay porn/gimp mask/snaffle bit/8-week-old roast dinner/wank sock/nude picture of Anne Widdecombe/fossilised turd/Lord Lucan and no longer give a flying shit about what actually was in the OP's depraved teenage DS's sodding bedside drawer; leading to a disproportionate amount of ill-feeling, hatred and loss of MN credibility for you, the OP?

Answers must in whole numbers only - you must show your working out.

Should you
(a) Google Dragonbutter
(b) Go on a blind date to a Penguin Park
(c) Offer a Pom Bear as a pre-dinner snack

if not, why not?

Discuss

This is the best mumsnet thread I've ever read.

Your booble plate has fallen down the back of the toilet. Do you:

a) Call the fire brigade
b) Have a nervous breakdown
c) Call upon MNetters to laugh and take the piss for evermore....

For which thread title would the response 'Have you thought about going to Relate?' not be appropriate?
a) My DH has just beaten me and DCs black and blue but he's a wonderful father WWYD
b) My DH has given me a STD
c) My arse is soooo ittchy lol
d) I think I might be bi-polar AIBU
e) Is Eton any good

248. You discover piles after the birth of pfb/dd/s[x] do you: a. ignore b. go to the gp c. follow the clear guidelines laid down and tested by the amateur arse doctor.

LRD's "agree with Hecate" has made me cry - along with Terry Wogan's cock.....I mean piece 2.

hahahahahah

Edu pieces 1 & 2 have left me incapable......

discuss why posts that dont revert to yeah been done to death are lame and clichéd. consider the group herd need to be samey and homogeneous

Whose was the BWA?

Compare and contrast the following two pieces:

Piece 1

Piece 2

Choreograph and perform an interpretive piece of dance based on one of the following:

a) River of Sweetcorn
b) Cube of Poo
c) Booble Plate

discuss merits of brown nosing someone youve never met
will mn oscars mean no more are you new questions
does obsequious crawling lead to fulfilment

Discuss the phases and reactions of a Favourite Mumsnetters thread.

Please give estimates for numbers of
a) upset posters;
b) chuffed posters who didn't expect to be nominated;
c) nominations for Pagwatch;
d) royalty bashings;
e) posts by Scottish mummy stating that there should be no favourites as we are all justwordsonascreen;
f) new quiches formed as a reaction.

Bonus points can be scored for predicting which MNers feature in a and b.

Your child's school has adopted a healthy eating policy and asks that lunch boxes do not contain sweets or crisps. Which of these would you give your child as a packed lunch:

a) organic hummus, focaccia bread, some crudites and a banana, because these are Ptolemy's favourites

b) pork pie, packet of cheesy wotsits and a Mars bar, cos it's your democratic right not to acquiesce to the school's nannying

c) a pound of lard and can of Fanta, as you've had that for lunch every day for the past 20 years with no ill effects

Which of the following should not be offered to guests at a party?
a.
b.
c.
d.

Provide an artist's impression of blue waffle.

aibu thread,do you
thank and namecheck sychophants
strop and namecheck anyone disagreed with you

*dogface / homebase??

Clearly to say 'never google dragon butter'

Which if the following is a famous MN river?

A) The River Thames
B) The River Avon
C) The River of Sweetcorn

Were your DC to inadvertently shit on your neighbour's new moroccon pouffe (that had been delivered to your address ) would you

A) Take the pouffe round and apologise profusely using phrases like "he accidentally did a stinky poo, I'm so sorry
B) Take the pouf round and say nothing. After all you've given it w good clean
C) Engage the services if MNers to find you a lookilikey pouf, then Take the pouffe round anyway and, speaking in a Sean Connery-esquire voice, apologise that your DC has had a 'little s(h)it on it'

You plan to paint the bathroom and are thinking about paint colours. Do you

A) pick a nice aqua from the deluxe paint card
B) Use commercial dogface White or magnolia
C) Spend days staring at Farrow and Ball patches on your wall - all of which are variations on a muted grey

Use a venn diagram to illustrate your undestanding of 'sense of entitlement'