Please remove your book from my knickers DS

He does it to his cousin too, she's five months younger than him and about half his size. He waits for her to fall over (and isn't above giving her a helping shove), as soon as she's down he straddles her back and starts making clip-clop sounds complete with bouncing. Basically any unprotected back is a potential horsey.

ROFL @ "That lady did not want to give you a horsey ride, she was just tying her shoe and it was very naughty of you to jump on her back and make clip-clop noises".

"Let's all keep our willies to ourselves!" About 5 minutes ago!

ps. yes I am female

your skin is not paper, stop drawing on it.

said by dd"i have a peep peep in my fandangle".. me "no you dont".. ds "yes i do look.. a really tiny one where my pee comes out"... i had to think.. and agree there was a similarity.

while i am busy giving DD a rollicking the whole time she repeats "i love you mummy".. over. and over, and over. then she gets a rollocking for not being quiet while she gets a rollocking. then she gets put on the naughty step where she sings and happily swings her legs gleefully.

"dont lick snails"

"put the dog down before you drop it"

dont stick you fingers in wrapping paper rolls as monster live in them... and they bite"

"noooooo... if you look inside to see them you will go blind"

"JUST STOP TOUCHING THE WRAPPING PAPER ROLLS"

"its illegal to have a dog as we dont have a garden. ask your dad. he has a garden "

don't hit mummy with a cricket bat
don't bite mummy
don't poke mummy in the eye
let go of my nipple before you pull away

from battered mummy of enthusiastic 2 year old

you tube pepper pig loads of epsoids on there this thread is great so funny

Not something I said but one of my favourite moments none the less... dd (2ish) put something from her finger in xdh's mouth whilst eating lunch... xdh - 'what was that darling?' dd - 'booger'

"You are not a dog, please get up off your hands and knees. And stop barking" - to DS (21mo) when walking on his reins.

"The dog can bark well enough on his own, you don't need to bark too!" - my parents' dog started barking at another dog while we were walking him and DS decided that it needed some back-up.

"DS ... DS!!! No! You need to take the bread out of the packet, you can't just chuck the whole bag in the pond ... ... you know that bread is for the ducks, right?" I think he ate more than they did.

"That lady did not want to give you a horsey ride, she was just tying her shoe and it was very naughty of you to jump on her back and make clip-clop noises".

"You can't eat that until Mama pays for it ... No, don't put it back on the shelf half-chewed".

"Please don't empty the tins cupboard into the bin and especially don't applaud yourself, it's not a good thing".

"There isn't a baby in Daddy's tummy".

'Don't eat my shoe'
'Don't chew the radiator'
'Don't laugh at Mummy when she's naked'
'Where is your nose? No that is your willy'
'No, I don't think that man wants your half eaten soggy rice cake'
'Let go, let go, LET GO!!' said with increasing panic to 13mo DS who finds it hilarious to grab his nappy when its full and to throw it around.

LOL muchly,

DO not eat ANY more lettuce till you have eaten your chips.

Sooo funny, had tears of laughter running down my face so much DS1(8) thought i was just sobbing and i couldnt explain cause couldnt get my breath

Will be back later if when i think of some and have clamed down
In the meantime keep them coming

This has made me want DCs. I always have wanted them in a couple of years but threads like this really take away the fear and make it sound incredibly fun

These are hilarious, can't stop laughing

All to my 17mo DD:

"Take that tissue/paper/wipe/stone/hair slide out of your mouth"
"Mummy can't read to you while I'm having a poo"
"Don't poke me in eye please"
"Leave mummy's top alone - these people don't want to see my belly"
"Put mummy's shoes back please"
"Get your hand out of the toilet"
"Yes, that is a bit of grass/a leaf/a stone etc, leave it alone" - DD wants to stop and pick up everything she sees on the pavement

"Bogey is not a moisturiser."

"Please take that fork out of your willy, it will hurt you."

"Please stop trying to see my wee; I am on the toilet."

"Mummy's bra is not the best place to store your half eaten biscuit 'til later......"

"Sweetheart, I don't think trying to put the spider up Daddy's nose while he's asleep is a good idea....."

DD: (shouts) "Daddy - did poo!!"
DH: "Lovely darling, go with Mummy so she can change your nappy while i

finish giving my sermon to all the lovely people here....."

To the childminder:

"Younger brother has a little willy....(pause).. my daddy has a HUUUGGGE willy"

I can't think of any because I'm too busy crying with laughter!

We also have a "underpants as minimum" rule for meals.

Yes, Mummy has a special hole for babies to come out of. Well, it's sort of where your willy is. Yes, near where the poo comes out. No, I don't care if you don't understand exactly where it is, I am definitely not going to take my knickers off so you can look at it.

'Please stop blowing raspberries on my boob, just have some milk'

DS 'a cake!'
Me 'no, it's not a cake, it's a poo.'
DS 'a poo cake!'

"DON'T stand on the windowsill. One of these days the window might not be there and you will FALL OUT."

DD scared the crap out of me, massive thud from upstairs..... her DB had "taught" her the best way to turn off his TV was via the windowsill, to reach said TV, on top of wardrobe.

Nothing as simple as using the remote.

Yes, T, you have a lot of lovely teeth. But not as many as the pleisosaur.

Am loving this thread :o

Well done for going for a poo on the toilet...no I don't need to see...it may be huge but...blimey that is big, please flush it away before you block the toilet!!!

How did you manage to pee on your clothes (said to a nude 3wk old DS who's clothes were above his head!!)

Where is aunties phone...why is it in the toilet...but the phone doesn't need to be flushed away

I know that the dog will clean your pooey pants but I'd much rather you rinsed them & put them in the washing basket

I know girls get 2 boobies & boys only have 1 willy, yes life isn't fair

these are brilliant!

I am amazed by how many times I have to say 'just because there is a hole you don't need to put your finger in it' but the one that always sticks in my memory is 'please don't put your hammer in your poo' (it was a toy hammer when I was trying to change DS's nappy).

Most days though its just various forms of 'yes thats what willys do', 'yes if you leave it alone, it will get smaller again', 'please stop trying to stand in your potty', and 'please stop eating your bogies/wiping your nose on my clothes'.

I never imagined motherhood to be quite so repetitive!!

MarkingHerPlaceToComeBackAndReadTiggaxx