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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
sherbetpips · 27/05/2011 12:25

Who has been making tripwires from wool and safety pins?
Please stop posting my CDs out of the letterbox.
sooo funny and sooo glad DS never went through that phase! These are all so good I can't think of a remotely funny thing that DS has said now!

AnnieLobeseder · 27/05/2011 12:24

I am crying at all of these! I wish I could think of one to add.... I'm sure one will come to me soon.

But I have to say, all these willy-related comments are making me quite glad I have 2 girls!

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 27/05/2011 12:16

My mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
My mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

Now why would I want to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
Now why would I want to put beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

You can't hear the teacher with beans in your ears,
Beans in your ears, beans in your ears
You can't hear the teacher with beans in your ears,
Beans in your ears

What's that you say, let's put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
What's that you say, let's put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears

You'll have to speak up I got beans in my ears
Beans in my ears, beans in my ears
You'll have to speak up I got beans in my ears
Beans in my ears

Say mommy we've gone and put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
Say mommy we've gone and put beans in our ears
Beans in our ears

That's nice boys just don't put those beans in your ears
Beans in our ears, beans in our ears
That's nice boys just don't put those beans in your ears
Beans in your ears

I think that all grown ups have beans in their ears
Beans in their ears, beans in their ears
I think that all grown ups have beans in their ears
Beans in their ears

Bast · 27/05/2011 12:15

Unstick your tongues from the trampoline, RIGHT NOW! (Eldest two, Midwinter.)

My most used has to be 'stop starting!' ...it works for most things.

She isn't purring, she's growling.

The dustbin is NOT a good place to hide your little sister during hide and seek.

If you want to know how an insect tastes, don't feed it to your little brother to find out. Please.

The Tate Modern would probably appreciate your mural. I don't. And it stinks.
(The youngest two when toddlers.)

deemented · 27/05/2011 12:14

How could i forget this corker...?

'DS2, please put my toothbrush down. No, you can't use it to clean the toilet. What do you mean it's what you always use?????'

pookamoo · 27/05/2011 11:44

It's ok for hedgehogs not to wear knickers...

Firkytoodle · 27/05/2011 11:38

"why are all your clean pants in the toilet?"

"you are not a lion, please stop roaring at grandma"

"Don't put your finger up Daddy's bottom when he is weeing, please"

"DD is sad that you have done your wee wee in her hair"

"Please don't drag your brother downstairs by his leg, he may be giggling but its not a good idea"

"No, thanks, I'm so full I don't think I could manage another piece of slightly soggy ricecake"

HeidiKat · 27/05/2011 11:35

I am howling with laughter at the toothbrush in willy one, this thread is even funnier than the tantrums one. Grin

blackeyedsusan · 27/05/2011 11:20

just now, to ds, stop standing in my pants!

they aare a useful stepping stone to climb up mummy, but those sharp toenails on ones bottom.... ouch

Sariska · 27/05/2011 10:24

"DD, take those stones out of your mouth."

"DD, that isn't a stone, it's rabbit poo. Put it down!"

"What do you mean you put your new shoes under the pushchair, DS? But there's only one there now...."

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 27/05/2011 10:10

"Oh look DS, you've weed on the floor. Well done you. NO don't put your hand in it!!!"

NeopreneMermaid · 27/05/2011 09:59

"Was that handful of sand/soil/compost not very tasty?"

Another mummy called my SIL after their 7yos' playdate:
"I've just got my DD undressed for her bath; why does she have "buttocks" written on her backside in pen?"

MrsJamin · 27/05/2011 09:41

"Ow! I've told you before, stop biting my bottom!"

ScroobiousPip · 27/05/2011 09:26

Still laughing at Quenelle's "Where did you leave your poo?" Grin

"stop putting your finger up your willy"

"no, you can't have my red bra, I'm wearing it"

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 27/05/2011 09:04

If hitting yourself in the head with a monkey hurts, STOP DOING IT.

Magna · 27/05/2011 08:57

Brilliant thread op Grin

Most of the things I say to DSs have already been said anything to do with poo, willies and bogeys Hmm

CBear6 · 27/05/2011 08:49

"You're not the welcoming committee, please sit down", as DS shouted hiya at everyone entering the doctors waiting room as if they were his oldest, dearest, long-lost friend and attempted to hug them.

"Stop feeding porridge to your dinosaur ... because he doesn't like it ... because dinosaurs don't eat porridge, they eat meat ... take your fingers out of it's mouth, they'll get stuck ... told you so" - breakfast this morning, he's really into asking "why?" after every sentence.

"Snorting and waving it in my face isn't going to make me give you any money", he wanted pennies for his piggy bank so decided a pig impression and some rattling would persuade me to donate, DH did come through to check on us though when he heard me say it.

"Daddy is not at the 'beer bar', he's at work!"

I'm fighting a losing battle I think. Every day he learns to speak a little more so it's just going to get worse!

bluelle · 27/05/2011 08:37

'please don't put your pants on the cat'
'no, i don't think daddy would like a poo sandwich'
'please don't tell the shop keeper that mummy is wearing pink knickers'

BarkisIsWilling · 27/05/2011 08:36

"Can you leave now, I have to wipe my bum?"

By then I'd given up asking for solitary pooing prvileges.

SkipToTheEnd · 27/05/2011 08:12

:o best thread for ages!

'No ds, please stop licking that girls shoes' (said several times on one trip to the park)

'ohhh can mummy have that carving knife please...'

'because I said so.....'

'for the love of god ds, please stop putting my knickers out of the window'

'nope, it's not a snack, it's uncooked spaghetti'

'DO NOT hit your sister with the hammer...Put it down!!!'

'Don't eat his toes, stop STOP - I didn't mean they were REAL cheese'

'DD (10) please stop telling your friends that mummy uses a 'bucket thing' instead of tampons. It's called a mooncup and it's private!'

'No love, I don't think having more is a good idea, your tummies poorly....' - said to DS (2) who threw his cereal up into his bowl and promptly tried to re-eat it....

babybythesea · 27/05/2011 08:10

Yes I do like ice cream. I just don't want your ice cream on my mashed potato. Yes, maybe later. (???? What did I think was going to change later?)

That man has got purple hair, you're right. No, I don't think it's because he's a monster. No, really, he's not... please don't scream, sshhhh, ok let's run away....

Let's only call them boobies at home, ok? When we're shopping and buying them, let's call them blueberries. Well, because that's what they are really called. (And people are looking at me in a funny way because you are yelling 'look Mummy, boobies' really really loudly.)

MovingGal · 27/05/2011 08:07

Those fancy ladies aren't ladies.

MovingGal · 27/05/2011 08:04

STOP SHOUTING!!!!

(yes, even as I shouted it I could see the hypocrisy)

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 27/05/2011 07:40

stops trying to wax your sister arm with sellotape

no, dont try and stick your toe up her bum

no you can eat it off the floor, just pour some more cereal
and
dont just walk through the spilt cereal

arrrrghhhhh

they were just this morning

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 27/05/2011 07:37

littlemad I don't speak Otter and neither do you so just tell me what you want for breakfast in English please.

These are fabulous had to stop reading at work yesterday as there was almost an shameful incident I was laughing so much.