Please remove your book from my knickers DS

"How did he manage to just roll into the lake!? He was standing up and had reins on!?"

"Put these pants in. Do you want everyone in the shop to see your diddle?" ("Yeah .... ")

"Daddy is not drunk, he's brushing his teeth".

"Don't put half-chewed food in Mama's pocket!"

'Please stop drawing on the walls/floors/tv/your baby sister'

'cats are supposed to have long whiskers - please do not trim them again'

'the dog does not need a round of applause EVERY time she has a wee in the garden'

'no the cats do not have dry skin - please do not cover them in baby lotion/sudocrem/vaseline again'

'please leave my and your big sister's make up alone'

'lets wait and see if you grow boobies, turn into a girl and need a bra like mummy when you grow up'

Plus 'please take you hands out your pants/finger out your nose' said at least 15 times a day!

A small selection said to DS aged 3.5! :)

Children are unfathomably amusing, yes. Apart from the poo/wee/vomit related stuff.

Weird - I did spell the acronym out, but had to revert to Weird .

There are days where a willy and a tadaaa would make me smile, but not every day!, But pooo...

I never knew having a child would be so much fun, but so strange as well.

spamm - DS does that with his willy

he's mastered getting himself butt naked, steps out of his nappy, throws his arms up in the air and shouts "TADAAAAAAAA!"

Another one I loved: " No, you cannot change your name to Aaron Stone. Yes, I am sorry we called you Daniel, but we thought it was a nice name."

"Please stop presenting your poo, with a "Tadaaaa" - I do not need to see your poo!" - said to DS who has started "unveiling" his poo by lifting the toilet seat when I walk into the bathroom.

DD2, why are you hugging a pickle?

"Well of COURSE the dog's eating Jesus, you kept hitting him with it"

"Yes I thought so. Your mouth is green. And this paper is now considerably less green."

Said by SiL to DNephew "Yes, Grandma's in that box, she's sleeping. Don't make too much noise please, we don't want to wake her up now." and yet at the time (during the funeral) it was just enough to take the tension off and cause me to have to fight back the giggles. Anyone else familiar with The Giggle Loop?

Both said to 22mo in the space of an hour this morning:

"DS, why are you licking Daddy's football shirt?"

"Stop licking the sofa!!!"

"Hair is not a handle."

well I 'found' an audi tt in the tesco carpark, that doesn't mean its mine

'I 'fooooound' it so its mine!!!!!'

arrrrggghhh

'Thats right you cant have sex with your brother' after sex ed at school discussed very loudly in Tesco.

'People prefer to be known as lady and man not willy and no willy... please dont point at strangers privates!'

'your nose is not a pea shooter'

'get the duck out of the house' (we have real ducks)

'get the dog out of your bath' the Jack Russell likes to have a bath with the eldest child and will jump in if invited which the children think is the best thing ever.

Great thread!!!

When my dd was 3 - 'no, that isn't a little boy with an old mans head, he's a dwarf some people are just like that..... yes that's right sweetheart, he didn't eat his vegetables so he didn't grow up big and strong...'

'That's NOT apple juice. Put the pot down Now!!!'

'it isn't a legoman swimming pool, it's the toilet - NO don't flush!!'

'You cannot post your chocolate buttons in Nannys fire and catch the melty chocolate at the bottom'

'I am pretty certain he wouldn't want to come and have your bath tonight so we won't ask him no' (DD wanted to invite old smelly man on the bus for a bath)

"Yes you can sit in in the trolley while we do the groceries but you can't tickle Grandma's boobies as we walk along the aisles."

"You need to ask before you grab someone's skirt sweetheart". While in the library, DS (just 16 months) spotted a girl in a pink skirt - he loves pink - and headed over to give it a good tug....

No, we REALLY can't call your new sister CHewbacca!

I got two more today.....oh dear
'no, you can't touch other people's nipples'
'please don't put your train in the cat's bum'

Within 5 minutes at bedtime tonight:

No, ds, I would not like a tongue kiss.

Dd, please stop that, I have dribble running down my cleavage.

Oh how funny - I posted without reading anything and now I see there is a washing machine/dishwasher with innapropriate contents theme!

Who put a potato in the washing machine?

ME: 'Who put iggle piggle in the dishwasher?'

DS1 PLEASE take iggle piggle out of the dishwasher cutley basket, OK he CAN have a bath tonight with you, OK yes he a bit dirty after playing with Upsy Daisy yes now go BATHTIME!

"dd, can we stop kissing the penguins, please?"

while watching happy feet....

Have been crying with laughter and unable to speak when trying to tell some of these to DH!

Only one i can think of was overheard last week from next door toilet cubicle at mum and toddler group:
"wait, wait, wait"
"yes you have done a wee but it was a little early..."