Please remove your book from my knickers DS

No! Don't wipe your face with that tissue! You just used it to wipe your bum!

No dd, don't open that door, mummy hasn't finished and the ladies outside don't want to see me weeing! (why do they all do that?!)

No dd, I don't need to put 'that cup thing' up my bitty today.

No dd, I didn't hurt you, I'm no where near you, but I will remind you again that if you run around in circles flailing your arms about you will run into things!

And now she's 3 I surprise myself with how regularly I still have to say 'get that out of your mouth!'

Please don't put your rice cake down my cleavage

How do we nominate this for MN classics? I still have tears in my eyes and I am actually looking forward to more unusual things that I am going to have to say as my DCs get older.

'no sweetie I don't think you will get a mermaid tail when you're older....oh don't cry...'

'I know grandad said you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow up your nose but please stop trying to put your elbow up there'

'no, I don't think keeping that nit as pet is a good idea, yes I know it's very small and could live on your pillow but I'm still not letting you'

'yes, I'm sure it would be very interesting to see a real live skeleton but I still don't think your uncle is going to let you dig up his dog...'

To my nephews, before I even got to be a mum:
"because I'm a grown-up and I said so"
"because God made it that way"
"could Old Macdonald have something on his farm other than ladders and curtains?"

Somehow I was deemed fit enough to have own DC, since when:
"you have been fed, you have a clean nappy and the full attention of both your parents; I think the children in the Sahel belt of Africa would say you have NOTHING to complain about"
"this may come as something of a surprise to you but I don't think it's much fun changing pooey nappies at 4 in the morning either"
"it's only a little bit of poo, nobody will notice"
"whatever you do, don't tell daddy I did that"
"you can shout for social services but I don't think they will consider you a priority case"
"no you can't wean on coffee"

And poor mite is only 5mo. Much more to look forward to apparently...

OP should def do a Christmas book from these; fantastic thread.

Please stop having wee fights with your brother in the shower, you're 14.

Yes your poo does look like sandals, let's see if we can get it off your feet and down the loo.

I know 'baby dolly hat come off' but it's 4am and I've already put it back on him twice tonight.

'Please don't scratch my face with your toenails'

'Don't eat Cheerios off the floor'

'Your little brother's legs don't bend that way!'

'No, we can't have cake sandwiches for breakfast even if it IS your pretend birthday!'

This thread has made me cry with laughter!

Oh Oli, yesterday we had "Ducks don't eat Skittles!"

Haha, that reminds me of my sister when she used to dress up our poor cat in doll's clothes and make her lay in the toy pram and wheel her round the streets.

(children were allowed on the streets in my day.)

"rabbits don't eat sweets"

"rabbits can't bounce on trampolines"

"rabbits don't need hats"

"please stop trying to shove a pen up my lady bits!" ( ds came in the bathroom just as I was inserting a tampon!) luckily I had trousers on when he tried this!

"where are my keys, where are my keys?! Now where's the strangest place ds could have put them? Ahhhh yes there they are in the tumble dryer!"

Oh god the licking...has reminded me of this public transport gem:

'For the last time DS, stop licking that lady's bike wheels!'

Don't bite the dog, you wouldn't like it if he bit you.
Don't lick the dog, he isn't allowed to lick you.
Stop tickling the dog's feet - I know he is wriggling, he is trying to escape not having fun.
Get your head out of the dog's bowl, he will think your head is dinner and eat you!
All said daily, all taken no notice of. Poor hound!

You've got a present for me? How lovely! What is it? Oh. It's your verruca that you've just picked off?

Yep lovec2t

What is it with funny shaped poo, poo in general, willies, licking and embarrassing mummy in the toilet or lifting up top etc. Loads of common themes here and I have been in tears!

LOL to CrapBag..loving the talkname too...friends fan? :o

hahaha these are all brilliant!
i have said on more than one occasion ' please dont lick the washing machine' and 'cars dont belong on the sofa'- obviously being a toy car :o

"How on earth did you manage to sleep with the umbrella under your pillow?"

"Stop drawing stars on your sister's neck"

"Don't lick daddy's shoes, they have been outside"

"No you cannot drill your sister or saw off her head or limbs"

"Yes, I see the pigeons in the road. You're calling them ? Tweet and Twat? Well, er, how nice."

"Have you been drawing on your brother with marker again?"

"Did you put Igglepiggle's blanket in the video, DS?" Now defunct.

"This bass speaker has a Matchbox Beetle, the heart shape from the shape sorter, an ancient biscuit and a bit of a sponge in it. Did you post these in?"

Its not a batenburg sausage, its a battered sausage. Yes the wrapped up one BUT it's not marzipan.

"That boy is not called Lemon"

"DS please don't kiss my bum"

"No boogers are not yummy, dinner or supper DS, please stop eating them"

"I don't want to see your poo shaped like a snake or any other animal"

ha ha the gingerone, DS1 wanted to call DS2 'Plonker', too much Only Fools and Horses I think

Darling it is "Nock Tock" not "C*ck" please stop shouting that in the supermarket!

i am eating poo!! when asked for the billionth time what i am eating!