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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
KvetaBarry · 26/05/2011 10:55

'mummy is not a trampoline!'

'mummy is not a climbing frame'

'my nipple is not a hand/foot hold!'

'I don't think that insect is edible'

'why is the screwdriver in the washing machine?'

'your football is NOT an apple' (he still took a huge bite out of it, then ran in screaming because it tasted disgusting)

confuseddotcodotuk · 26/05/2011 10:55

Marking my place ;D I found the sippy cup in the oven genius haha

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 10:48

Through gritted teeth:

"NONONONONONO do NOT open the cubicle door!"

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 10:46

"Oh FGS, if you don't like it, just put it on the side of your OWN plate, not mine"

"PLEASE stop wiping your hands down my jeans!"

"Wipey time!"

"COME BACK HERE right NOW"

"Yes please, darling. I think I've got a glass somewhere."

Sirzy · 26/05/2011 10:36

5 mins ago "no Ds, you don't eat that raw potato like it's an apple"

OTheHugeManatee · 26/05/2011 10:33
Grin
MumblingRagDoll · 26/05/2011 10:33

Don't push your tongue through the knot hole in the fence...no... the neighbours don't want to see it.

IWillCountToThree · 26/05/2011 10:31

"Get out of the tumble dryer DS"

"Why is there a chewed sausage in the bath?"

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 26/05/2011 10:30

stop licking the stones dd (every trip to the beach since she could pick them up, shes now 2 1/2....)
dont lick the mole hill
dont lick the frog
do you see a pattern....

dont eat that..

Your willy doesnt go in there

dont shut your sister in the rabbit run

no i wont kiss your willy better, if you left it alone it wouldnt go 'big' and hurt.

i dont care what does or sayes they are NOT my child therefore they do not have to follow my rules

get that out of your nose

stop snorting after every sentence (dd is an avid peppa fan)

i dont think the rabbit will like your crisps ds

LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON!

please dont use my boobs to warm your hands, hands out of mummys top please

yes daddys willy is bigger than yours pulling it wont help you have to be patient... 3mins later... repeat.

oh and calmly discussing nappies/toilet training at meal times.

i could go on all day, the joys of 2 under 4.

MissBeehiving · 26/05/2011 10:29

"I don't think your willy is meant to be wrapped around a pencil"

"Don't use your tongue when you kiss the dog"

craftynclothy · 26/05/2011 10:28

"No, Jasper Conran is not your Daddy"
"dd2 stop playing with dd1's bum"
("Is that a man or a lady?") "That's a lady." ("How do you know it's a lady mummy?") "Cos it's a lady. Come on, walk a bit faster" Blush
"I don't think mummy wants all these toys in her bath"

TeeBee · 26/05/2011 10:26

Wouldn't be so bad but the opening the Octohatch is always accompanied by them singing the theme tune. My sons are very weird creative.

QueenofDreams · 26/05/2011 10:24

'sweetie, get out of the washing machine please'

'I am NOT a trampoline, ouch, ouch'

'I don't think your sister wants to eat a lemon' swiftly disproved when she burst into hysterical howls as I took the thing away.

PMSL at the octohatch though!

HazedandConfused · 26/05/2011 10:21

I actually had to make a rule for DS:

"No climbing on touching mummy while I'm going to the loo, until I have finished AND PULLED UP MY KNICKERS".

MyLifeIsChaotic · 26/05/2011 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnonymousBird · 26/05/2011 10:14

No, you cannot go for a wee while your sister is on the toilet.

to DS AGED SIX!!!!!!! FGS!

Please don't put tomatoes under your pillow again. Hmm

kerpob · 26/05/2011 10:13

We have pet chickens so, we have had the following:

"Chickens don't like to trampolene."

"Stop putting pegs on the chicken."

"Who put chicken poo in my wine?"

And the weirdest:

"Take your Gormiti off the chicken."

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 10:12

"Stop calling Grandma a bum sandwich, DS"

"Please stop bouncing on my head"

"Stop licking that/running around with that in your mouth/hitting Daddy with that or it's going on top of the fridge until tomorrow"

"No, that man is NOT Daddy"

Likesshinythings · 26/05/2011 10:12

"stop drinking the bath water, your bum has been in it"

"No, Mummy is not prepared to kiss that better. It's where you wee from"

JumpJockey · 26/05/2011 10:11

"That's right darling [aged 15 months], give mummy the hammer"

In my defence, I was putting up some garden trellis and she had been playing at the other end of the garden thereto.

fuzzypicklehead · 26/05/2011 10:10

"Not right now, Mummy's scraping your sippy cup off my oven racks."

"I found your shoe--it was in the dishwasher"

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 10:09

I've had to encourage a pretend poop so that dd1 could poop out a marble that she had no idea how it had come to be there Hmm

and she HAD to do it on the potty because she didn't want to lose the marble down the loo....

Bottleofbeer · 26/05/2011 10:08

on = *and. Sheesh.

Bottleofbeer · 26/05/2011 10:07

Not so much the things I've said (though there have been thousands of them over the years)

I've had to put a wetted teatowel over my finger on practically up my son's bum when he experimented with pepper whilst naked.

I've had to remove chewing gum from same orifice of another son - it went on for ages.

And squeeze my daughter's ears so she could poo.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 10:06

oooh the octonauts, I have seen that but not lots