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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
beanandspud · 26/05/2011 11:57

"Please stop painting your willy with the toothbrush"

"No, you are not putting out the fire with your wee wee"

"No, I am not the same age as Grandma"

"Please get up from the floor so that the dog will stop trying to hump you give you a cuddle"

aquos · 26/05/2011 11:55

"Get those tadpoles out of my living room"
Screeched at my 10yo dd last weekend.

"Whose shoved pooh down the bath overflow?"
The culprit was my 9yo ds.

Changebagsandgladrags · 26/05/2011 11:54

Do not wee on the slide.

No I do not want to see your poo poo pattern

MrsHerculePoirot · 26/05/2011 11:52

Said by my friend at breakfast " I think that's enough jam in the teapot now thank you"!

chocolateyclur · 26/05/2011 11:51

"Don't wash the cat with your tongue"

"Stop wielding knives"

"It's not a mouse, its called a tampon. And yes, it's meant to be up there"

Kendodd · 26/05/2011 11:50

"No I don't want to see you punch yourself in the face, but thank you for asking"

LeoTheLateBloomer · 26/05/2011 11:47

These are brilliant!!

"No darling that's not a nappy, it's for mummy when she's had the baby"

"If the dog's licked it please don't then eat the rest"

"Please don't eat out of the dog's bowl"

KvetaBarry · 26/05/2011 11:47

oh, I forgot - 'stop sucking my mole!'

I have a large mole on the back of my leg, which the GP has said is not worth removing yet, but he's monitoring it. DS seems to think it's a spare 'back of the leg' nipple, and keeps trying to latch on to it. Which is utterly repulsive. I can't walk around the house in shorts, or change my trousers near him now, or he grabs onto the back of my leg and starts on the mole.

wheresmytractor · 26/05/2011 11:42

Great thread!

No its not funny to let your brother play splash splash with your wee in the potty. Please tell mummy when you do it so I can put it down the toilet.

Stop roaring at the cat please

Stop roaring at mummy please

Stop roaring at strange children in the park - one of them will turn around and wallop you one day

NO YOU ARE NOT A BLOODY LION - STOP ROARING!

Leave the cubical door ALONE - MUMMY IS STILL WEEING!

and breathe.....Grin

TechLovingDad · 26/05/2011 11:42

"Do you have to come in and eat your breakfast, while I'm on the pot?"

"Please stop telling everyone I wear Mummy's clothes, they'll think I'm weird.
What do you mean, good?"

"No you can't sing the word 'bumhole' in a Christmas Carol."

"What is THAT doing THERE?"

"No thanks, I don't need to see inside your mini. Yes, I know it's pink."

All at varying ages.

greygirl · 26/05/2011 11:41

'Please stop impersonating deities in public'
'where have your knickers gone?' (endlessly)

rumpleteaser · 26/05/2011 11:37

Please don't be sick on my toothbrush.
Stop brushing your hair with my toothbrush.

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 11:28

Oh and 'no I don't think horses like to eat strawberries' (to DH at the weekend)

Pancakeflipper · 26/05/2011 11:28

" Mummy , look look, I am wearing a poo hat..."

My stomach lurches at the memory

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 26/05/2011 11:27

Make sure your willy is tucked RIGHT into the bottle (whilst talking him through an emergency car wee)

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 11:27

My friend had to say 'twins, stop peeing all over each other whilst bouncing on the trampoline'

'I don't care that Mr Nobody has got out of bed, I'm only interested in you'

'It was not Mr Nobody but you who drew on the walls. Come on admit it'

'Yes I suppose your fanny does have a nose'

OTheHugeManatee · 26/05/2011 11:22

CoffeeDodger I have had that conversation with my 39-year-old DP. Grin

CakeandRoses · 26/05/2011 11:21

v funny thread, nice one OP.

Stop riding the baby!! (regularly screeched at said to toddler ds when astride the back of his crawling 9mo sister Hmm)

No, it's not a button. Will you STOP pressing it!? (said to ds when pressing dd's birthmark and asking it's a button for the millionth time)

No, it's not another finger (said - between sniggers - to ds as he's squeezing his willy bloodless in order to 'strengthen' it for better use as an extra digit to press his calculator keys)

openerofjars yy, to the cubicle doors, i was pleading with ds on that very mater yday

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 26/05/2011 11:14

Don't lick the rain off the car, go and get a drink of water.

Psammead · 26/05/2011 11:13

'How is there popcorn in your nappy?'
'no, he's not a bear, he's a cat'

'Will you STOP playing with the cat's food?! He doesn't play with yours, does he?'

Original poster
TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 11:10

Looks like I've got years of this then. I was hoping when he started talking things could get more rational.

Silly me.

OP posts:
CherryMonster · 26/05/2011 11:09
Grin
montmartre · 26/05/2011 11:03

Tee- you may not believe this, but I have to say " please take the frog off your penis" on a regular basis too! Grin

CoffeeDodger · 26/05/2011 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cosysocks · 26/05/2011 10:56

Please don't pick your nose and eat it whilst wiping your bum!

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