Please remove your book from my knickers DS

Yes, Mummy's having a wee with her fanny. In the toilet. When you are a big boy you will have a wee with your willy in the toilet.

Is the sight of Mummy naked really so side-splittingly hilarious? Oh dear.

Brilliant thread, but you'll all be in trouble if my hysterical snorts wake DS...

''If you must wear my knickers on your head, could you choose clean ones?''

Ha hah ha ha hah hah ha ha

So so glad I don't have sons.

But: "Don't stick that toothbrush up your sister's bum!"

"Don't try to cuddle that cat - not all cats are as friendly as ours. You see, I TOLD you not to cuddle that cat. No DON'T hit the cat - it was your own fault."

"Please - please - please - can I have a poo in peace??"

"No, dear my bra is not a hat". DW to me on occasion.

Crying with laughter here.

Please don't hit the cat with a bicycle pump.

If you must wear my knickers on your head, could you choose clean ones?

"Take your willy out of the magic wand"

"Please stop whisking the cat"

"I'm sure even Darth Vader wee's nicely in the toilet"

Said this morning in response to 4.6yo DS who was pee-ing a little too enthusiastically, he was the one who started talking about Vader - no idea why . He hasn't even seen the films yet.

"Yes, I expect that man does have a willy."

Please don't pick your nose and wipe it on Grandad! My breast is not removable!

"DD, sweetheart, please take the fried rice out of your nose. It's not nice"

"No, we are not having poo for dinner. Or for snack"

"Why is your brother crying?" (x million every day )

"Absolutely no icecream until you've eaten all your hotdog!"

"please come in from the balcony and put some pants on"

"get your head out of the oven now!"

"Your brother is not a train!"

I could go on forever here and ds isn't even talking yet!

"It's alright sweetheart, I can manage wiping my own bottom, but thank you for offering to help, that's very kind"

"That's not food!", usually said whilst frantically trying to scoop sand/Miracle-Gro/Pritt Stik out of DS's mouth.

"Baby doesn't want to say hello right now, sweetheart" - DS keeps lifting my top right up (and I mean right up) to say hello to my bump. I can safely say that most of the staff at Asda, Mothercare, Primark, and Boots have now seen my bra.

"That's your belly button ... Don't put the straw in it".

"Get the dog out of your mouth!"

(overheard when DS went to watch DH pee) "No. No .... NO!! Daddy is trying to wee, I don't want an empty toilet roll tube on my willy! .... AAARG!!! Let go! LET GO!!" (DS had apparently tired of the tube and grabbed himself a handful of ball instead).

"Why is there juice in the washing machine?"

"Get your bum out of my face."

"It's okay to sniff your own shoes if you desperately must but please stop sniffing the display ... And give that girl her shoes back! No, don't sniff them!"

"Get down!" x100000 times a day

"Put Santa's ornaments back! And that log! And those carrots are for the reindeer ... Sorry about this, Santa ... Are you going to say hello to Santa Claus? Oh ... Bye then, Santa"

Take your head out of your dinner.

Leave your brother's willy alone.

"Those green blobs stuck to the side of the toilet are 'fresh disc cleaners' - they are not for target practice!" Said to my 2 sons (8 & 11) repeatedly. No wonder they don't last the advertised amount of flushes!

"Snot is not a snack"

"Stop vaccuming the water out of the dog's bowl NOW"

Great thread. OP should compile them into one of those little books for Xmas.

"Stop humping the sofa please."

For similar reasons, I could never sit him in a shopping trolley.

Did you draw on the baby's head?

Get out of the rabbit hutch.

Please take your willy out of the shampoo bottle.

"Yes your poo does look like a sausage...No it is not NOT delicious"

"No Snails are not bouncing on your bed", "Snails live in a country far away", "Snails live outdoors and not in mummy's house"

"Stop throwing caterpillars at the boys it makes them sad."

2.4DD

'Don't wee on your brother'

"No, they are not maltesers, you can't eat them. That's your poo."
Said to DD1 when she did her first poo in the potty.

"Stop licking the TV" (DD2)

"Stop licking the train window" (DD1)

"Get that out of your mouth" - said ad infinitum to DD2

Only have 2 girls so luckily no willies on the table in this house! (DH has been trained - although he does sometimes do his willy-dance)

"Why is there boiled egg on the wall"?

Reply from child, "I sneezed"!

No love, I'm sure you won't have to practise with the girls..... (DS1 worrying about KS2 sex ed)

why is there a little shred of paper in your nappy that says '£5 off'? - had caught DD eating newspaper the day before. apparently a small piece had passed through, still complete with print.

that's the dog's treat, not yours.

you can't drink out of the dog bowl.

some of these are friggin' hilarious