Please remove your book from my knickers DS

'No the cat doesn't want a bath'
'No the cat doesn't want to be covered in glitter'
'Who sprayed the cat with my perfume?'
'Who sprayed hair glitter on the cat?'

The cat in question is a huge butch tomcat

Repeat the above changing cat for ferrets.

Oh this brings back some memories . I think my own most startling sentence was 'But toothbrush needs to go to sleep too' said in a despairing wail.

'No I don't want to sniff your bottom'
DD (age 3) 'Yes you do, sniff it sniff it'

This goes on for a good 5 minutes, where she got the idea that I would like to smell her bottom I have no idea.

These are hilarious.

Ooh just had is one........
No the iPad cannot smell your farts

The severed head is between your legs. (to DS last halloween)
No this isn't mummy's nappy (To DD at time of the month)
That isn't DSs tail (to DD in the bathroom last week)
Don't be upset. Dogs can't do ballet (to DD. She adores the dog)

knickers must be worn at the dinner table.

Me - Please don't play with yourself.
DD age3 - But it's nice, I like it.
Me - It may be, but we don't do it in front of people.
DD - Ok, I'll just do it on my own then!

Please don't put your finger up the cats bottom. no, you can't wash with tomato soup you have to have a bath like everybody else (said slightly too late).

oh so funny

please don't put your willy down the back of the radiator

no, that lady isn't dead. (oh god that was SOOOO embarrassing...)

i have also said 'you need to finish your hot dog if you want ice cream'

Oops didn't mean to post twice

I don't think daddy did scratch your foot with a big knife
Please can mummy have a poop in peace?
No mummy can wipe her own fluff thank you
where are you pants?
What do you mean you forgot to put your pants on?(after picking DD up from school!)
No daddy's willy is not like a sausage
Please put mummies tampons down, yes I know the puff up when put in the toilet but put them down please.

I don't think daddy did scratch your foot with a big knife
Please can mummy have a poop in peace?
No mummy can wipe her own fluff thank you
where are you pants?
What do you mean you forgot to put your pants on?(after picking DD up from school!)
No daddy's willy is not like a sausage
Please put mummies tampons down, yes I know the puff up when put in the toilet but put them down please.

"Please don't draw on the walls with cheese"

"Please don't put beans on the dog"

"Please don't pour milk over your shoes"

"Daddy doesn't like it when you poke his winkle with your toothbrush"

"If you're going to wee on the floor, could you at least avoid the carpet?"

stop trying to stand on the cat
the cat doesn't want hair bobbles/clips in her fur
get out of the fridge
stop climbing
stop touching
don't run off and hold my hand
leave your mini moo alone (dd2 aged2:2 constantly pulls, hits and fiddles with herself)

"Mama doesn't have a diddle (DS's word for willy). Stop pointing".

"No, I'm not going for a wee-wee or a poo. I'm going to the counter to order our lunch. Stop shouting poo."

"Stop trying to hug drunks!" as we were walking through one of the nicer areas of town.

"I'm sure I'd look lovely wearing two pairs of pyjama pants, Daddy's boxers, one of your vests, and three pairs of knickers but I'd much rather go for jeans and t-shirt, okay? ... Tantrums will get you nowhere".

"Where is all of Mama's underwear!?", took me bloody ages to find it as well, one minute the drawer was full and the next it was empty (turns out he'd thrown it all over the side of the banister, eventually found it all scattered down the stairs).

He's not even two yet, I'm dreading when he can actually talk!

Oh, and "put your pants back on" at least twice a day. He also does the Mama's knickers on his head thing.

"Of course your willy is going to hurt if you keep pulling it!"
"Mum he's chasing me with his willy again!" DD1,2&3 about either DS's.

She is not a teletubby she is a large lady in a red kaftan and yes i know she is carrying a handbag.
No we can not call our new dingy titanic - people would laugh at us
No you cannot marry the guinea pig and i don't care if your friends have bought you wedding presents and you have got your suit on.
I know i said grandpa is old and won't have many more birthdays so you have to go to his party whether you want to or not but you did not have to tell him

"But... why are you naked?"

"Don't drink that... you just weed in it"

"Supper's ready. Could everyone wash hands and put on underpants as a minimum."

"No you can't use the iPad. Because it's 3 in the morning."

"Please do not lightsaber the cats." Quality. I remember buying one of Dds friends a cheap lightsaber for their birthday, though a little worried the parents would think it too wearpon like. Mum was cool with it, boy was over the moon and all the dads were smiling with a whistful look in their eye.

Brilliant thread

"Please take your brother out of the dolls pram"

"who put the babybell in the oven" (melted everywhere)

"No jelly beans to be put in bottoms or nostrils please"

"Where are your knickers???" Not that strange.....but a little alarming when its just as DD was about to go into her clasroom.

"Who pooed in the wendy house?"

Don't drink the bath water dd, you have had your bottom washed in it, so its dirty.

No, I don't want a half chewed sweet.

Daddy never said that. (dd has a thing about saying daddy said eg I allowed a lolly)

Daddy never hit you.

"Please do not lightsaber the cats."

When changing DS's nappy last week - "dummies are not for hanging on willies."

We know what the octohatch is, and to be honest its the funniest thing i have heard in a long time, currently wiping tears of laughter from my eye so I can type! I especially love the singing the theme tune!

I have just nearly gone into labour from this thread - I don't think I have laughed so hard for a long time!! My DS is 2 and here are some of ours:

"No, darling, we don't lick windows"
"No, darling, we don't lick tables"
"Please don't poke Mummy's eyes, it hurts"
"Yes that's your willy, please don't pull it so hard, it will come off"

:)