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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 17:20

I can't quote them

everyone is making me snort, so so funny
kids are sooo fab

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 17:19

these are making me feel sooo much better

you lot are all battling crazy children and trying to keep them flying right Grin

'those are called ANKLES remember...' hilarious

Trinaluce · 26/05/2011 17:16

'DD, why is the dog green?'

'Don't try and push the dog around like a wheelbarrow, he doesn't like it'

'Well of course your mouth hurts, Vicks isn't a lip balm'

BumpPlus2 · 26/05/2011 16:41

'I can see your NIPPLES Mummy' (DS1 3+9 to me whilst out walking in a May Day parade)
'No darling you can't see Mummy's nipples those are called ANKLES remember?!' Blush

snotsville · 26/05/2011 16:30

I LOVE this thread. I just cried so hard at "underpants as a minimum" my contact lens went walkabout!!

We've had:

"Please do not drill the cat".

"Please stop showing everyone Mummy's bra".

"Erm, no you're not playing the Willy Game" (I have no idea what this game is, but overheard DS1's friend say it to DS in our tent on holiday!Confused)

"No, you're not playing the bum game either".

"Can you come out from under Mummy's skirt please, I need to pay the butcher".

Loads more I can't think of now!

MrsSchue · 26/05/2011 16:16

"No, the dog cannot become a cat if he wants to. Yes, he can be everything he wants to be. No, I am not denying him his right to choose. Yes, I do believe in him and want him to feel good about himself. But he still cannot be a cat. That's not how transgender works."

To DD, aged 8.

After she read a Daily Mail article about a trangender person.

izzybiz · 26/05/2011 16:12

''Leave yourself alone please'' - To Dd

''No I don't want to look in your foo''- To Dd

''Go on, do a poo poo in the bath!'' - To a witholding Ds

''No, I am not a dancing tiger, Daddy is''- To Ds

''Yes, they are mamas boobies, lets not show everyone'' - To Ds

Pigleychez · 26/05/2011 16:11

"say goodbye to Poo. Hes going to poo land"

"please dont sit on my face"

"No, I dont want you to watch me poo!"

"Please take your fingers out you bum"

"Dont lick Boogies"

scentednappyhag · 26/05/2011 16:10

OTHM- no need to be Sad, she's fine, comment about a home was Tongue in cheek :) (great name by the way!)

YankNCock · 26/05/2011 16:06

PerAr6ua, many inanimate objects in my house 'need a sleep' or 'have to have a nap now'. Grin

oh another one:

"Yogurt is NOT shampoo!"

OTheHugeManatee · 26/05/2011 16:05

scented Those are Grin but also so Sad

scentednappyhag · 26/05/2011 16:04

Please don't eat my baby.
I'd rather you used your own lipstick to paint the cat's bum to be honest.
Could you flap your haddock quietly please?
No, I don't know where to buy pink pubic hair dye. Yes, I will tell you if I see any.

All to my mother... No, she's not in a home. Yet.

ScramblyEgg · 26/05/2011 16:01

No, you can't eat that boy / girl

(said on a daily basis at the moment)

Greige · 26/05/2011 15:58

WHAT spider collection?? Show me NOW!

Please put my skirt down, the supermarket lady does NOT want to see my knickers

Stop nail varnishing the cats ears!

gremlindolphin · 26/05/2011 15:54

These are lovely!

MrsSnaplegs · 26/05/2011 15:48

Well if you will hide under X's desk to surprise her don't be surprised if you've stabbed yourself in the eye with an envelope.
Said to my 45 year old boss 2 days ago Grin

Sirzy · 26/05/2011 15:48

No the man on tv doesn't want to share your drink

BrainSurgeon · 26/05/2011 15:39

Thanks DS I can wipe my own bum, don't need you to return the favour, there's a good boy

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:30
Grin
FoofffyShmoofffer · 26/05/2011 15:25

saffy that last one reminded me of last time we were in Pizza Hut. DH spluttered laughing as I said " do you want some dessert?" "yes" "right well no salad then". (There was a whole convo leading to this)

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:21

"No for the last time I do not want to see the poo you just did even if it is shaped like a rocket!"

"Stop heckling the builders next door please DD. If you moon them you will come in from the garden right now!"

"If you don't eat your macdonalds you wont get any strawberries when we get home!" Said by DP. He got a Hmm from me and a Confused from the guy at the next table.

WomanOfMassDestruction · 26/05/2011 15:15

"No, no, Darling, go around the zebra..."

"No, Darling, don't throttle mummy, it's very rude..."

"Please leave your nose alone. No, I said leave it alone, not just face the other way so you think I can't see you."

"DD, please stop biting your toenails. They can't be tasty." "They can, Mummy"

Kingsroadie · 26/05/2011 15:13

"Darling yes those are mummy's knickers. Oh are you wearing them on your head? How lovely. Oh splendid, you have raided the laundry basket to find said knickers." Cue little fists full of knickers from the dirty laundry to be thrust lovingly into my hands (and taken downstairs if I don't watch her carefully enough!). She is 18 months and had a knicker obsession.

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 15:11

"Get your hand OFF my nipple! We are in M and S!"

"Take daddy's cigarettes out of you knickers!"

"Stop feeding baby wipes to the dog!"

"The baby in my tummy can not eat cake yet. Stop trying to shove some in my belly button. No, no don't try shoving it up my skirt either. Baby can not have cake yet."

nevergoogle · 26/05/2011 14:55

"why can't your brother have a forcefield too!!!!!" i shouted, i snapped yesterday.