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Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 19:54

I had to try to explain to work why I couldn't speak for laughing earlier. Unfortunately I then had to explain why DS's book was in my knickers. Non-parents just don't seem to get that bit.

OP posts:
JeremyKylesPetProject · 26/05/2011 19:53

"Please don't draw on your baby sister's bum with that bingo dabber."
"Stop licking the toilet seat"
"Don't call each other Count Turdula"
"Can you stop putting your willy through the hole in the DVDs please?"

Spidie · 26/05/2011 19:50

Oh my word, these are fantastic. I was feeling a bit down, but have just cried real tears of laughter. Thank-you Ladies!

dutchyoriginal · 26/05/2011 19:46

Say hi to auntie on the phone. No, don't lick the phone. Hi Auntie! (DS 14 months)

ShuffleBallChange · 26/05/2011 19:30

"Please don't feed bogeys to your brother, I know he's smiling, he is 5 months old he doesnt know what they are"

"Nanny does not want to see you doing THAT to your winky"

"Get down from there" said at least 5 times a day"

"We don't take our clothes off on the park"

"Get that out of your mouth"

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 19:25

stop poking the dogs willy

its ok,dont cry, you dont have to have a lolly Hmm

no thanks, I really dont want to look in your bum

deemented · 26/05/2011 19:22

'No DS2, your sister does not want to see where your poo comes out'

'DD, please stand up and walk. No, you are not a puppy. No, don't lie on the floor, in the puddle. No, you are not a wet puppy.'

SeymoreButts · 26/05/2011 19:21

"STOP PUNCHING THE TORTOISE"

Shouted to DS from the kitchen window.

Numberfour · 26/05/2011 19:11

Yes, "fucker" is a bad word and No, you cannot even think it. (DS is 6 and looks like your archetypal altar boy).

1stMrsF · 26/05/2011 18:43

To DH: 'Just show DT1 your pubic hair will you?'...Because she wants to see it'

'No, don't run away or the poo will fall out and... ...onto my foot like that...'

Loudly, in public, often: 'Mummy is just going to have a wee-wee, I'll be back in a minute'

FoofffyShmoofffer · 26/05/2011 18:34

"No, the dog cannot become a cat if he wants to. Yes, he can be everything he wants to be. No, I am not denying him his right to choose. Yes, I do believe in him and want him to feel good about himself. But he still cannot be a cat. That's not how transgender works."

I.am.crying.Grin

Maxinemills · 26/05/2011 18:26

Don't put lego in your moomoo.

grumblinalong · 26/05/2011 18:20

DS1(7): 'Mum, how did you learn how to blow peas out from DS2's nostril?'
Me (very relieved to have got very stuck pea out): 'I read it on the internet.'
DS1: 'Awesome'

and

DS2(3): 'Mum you didn't drop the medicine, this fat lady did'
Me (to the pharmacist): 'I'm really sorry he just called you fat .' Blush

whomovedmychocolate · 26/05/2011 18:16

'Yes I'm sure you can get your willy in the playmobil man's head but I don't think you should in case it gets....stuck. Oh really? Well umm wiggle it and see if it comes out. No I can't help, sorry, you got it in'.

Mamadel600 · 26/05/2011 18:13

PMSL - absolutely hilarious. Has cheered me up on a particularly hard day. My DS is 11 weeks so I've got all this to come - don't know if I'm looking forward to it or dreading it! Smile

Antidote · 26/05/2011 18:12

Where are you ds?

How did you get under the bed?

When the hell did you learn to crawl? I left you in the middle of the room and had a quick wee.

Oh god, please tell me you aren't really trying to eat my trainers.

mami22 · 26/05/2011 18:03

"Please do not lick your brother"

"Why did you poo in the sink??"

whomovedmychocolate · 26/05/2011 18:01

'Please do not dress the cat in pants, he doesn't like it'

'Stop climbing out of the upstairs windows, it's a long way down'

'Quit eating the catfood, it's horrible'

'Please stop wiping your bottom on the curtains. That is what the toilet paper is for'

'Yes it DOES make a mess if you take the top off your cup and tip the juice over your head....AGAIN.'

'DO NOT OPEN THE SODDING CUBICLE DOOR WHILE MUMMY IS HAVING A POO' Hmm

acebaby · 26/05/2011 17:59

'No I do not have a pretend willy'

TheFlyingOnion · 26/05/2011 17:46

I had to say in school today:

"Put NewBoy down. He is not your performing monkey"

Also "Do you really think Biff and Chip would be better off ditching the teddy and taking a gun in "Survival Adventure"? Do you think they are old enough to use a gun safely?"

KristineKochanski · 26/05/2011 17:45

'Can you take the Monkey out of the toilet then please, he doesn't go down there.'
Said to toddler ds who had decided to put his toy monkey in there.
I'm sure there's millions more I could think of, probably be back later with more Grin

Kateaw · 26/05/2011 17:40

Overheard by my husband a supermarket loos.

"Yes you can be a crocodile if you want to, but be a crocodile who is doing a poo".

pregnantpause · 26/05/2011 17:40

What's that? What have you got? Give it to Mammy. Give it to me now! If you dont pass Mammy the poo you're going to bed without a story! Thank you, good girl for giving mammy the poo, now pplease don't pick up poo off the street again dd.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 26/05/2011 17:32

There is a song called 'Beans in your Ears' which suggests just that, Wabbit!

Wabbit · 26/05/2011 17:28

I was always told 'don't put beans up your noses' when leaving the house with brothers and sister or with friends...

Surely this kind of thing begs for the child to do that very thing

though I never did

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