Dear *

Dear DD17

I?m really glad that you chose to tell me that you have had sex for the first time with your lovely boyfriend yesterday.

I?m really glad I was kind and understanding and not did make it wrong or make you feel embarrassed.

I?m really glad we were able to talk openly and at length about everything and that I could reassure you that everything you have told me really is completely normal and that there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with you.

I?m really glad you told me you appreciate having an amazing Mum like me that you can really talk to and trust.

Now that we?ve talked it through at length, though, and I?ve hugged you and been really sweet and you?ve gone to your room to revise, can you please just stay there for a bit because I don?t want you to see that I suddenly can?t breathe and have silent rivers of uncontrollable tears streaming down my face.

Mum

Dear Lostmyidentity
I'm sorry things are so bad for you. I hope you and your DH can work through this. Maybe get some outside help to try and help you understand each other.
BAH

DH
I do love you but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore. Which leaves me living with you and three children in a fabulous house in the country which I don't want to leave - I know it's selfish of me but I just want to live in it with somebody whom I love. I don't think it's your fault, I shouldn't have married you but I just didn't realise it at the time.

And I can't believe how much I hate your transvestite habit, it upsets me but you being depressed when you can't do it upsets me even more, so I have to suck it up.
But starting to wear skirts last week really has actually fucked me off beyond belief. You know how I feel about that, underwear, tops, lipstick I can just about handle, but don't fucking blame me that I don't fancy you anymore. I told you how I felt and the consequences that might follow, and here they are.
And I'm angry that I can't do anything about any of this. And I'm going to be 40 this year and I feel like my life is over and I never really fell in love or had that mind-blowing sex that people sometimes do and I don't think I'm ever going to.
I resent you and I love you and I don't understand how it can be like this. And now I'm crying so I think I'm going to stop as I can't be bothered to re-run all this shit, pointlessly, in my head again.

Dear Jehovah's Witnesses,

I have always been unfailingly polite to you. Now you have sent a prematurely aged young woman with special needs to my door accompanied by a frail old lady I really question your motives. Is brain washing easier when people have additional needs? Try coming near anyone I know again and I will not be responsible for my actions.

AlouiseG

dear DD,
i bloody love you, but please stop waking up at night just for a cuddle, and just long enough to make sure i'm properly awake. it's been a year now, i need just one night!

dear DP,
i love you so much, and you say you love me, but i'm sick of always making the first move. after all that shit with her you're supposed to be showing me that you love me, and that i can trust you, and that this is worth something. i know you work long, hard, boring hours, but you coming to me for a kiss once in a while, or even telling me you love me without me having to say it first, like you used to, would go a long way.

dear X,
you are a disgrace. a selfish, undeserving disgrace at that. try putting down the weed and the alcohol, especially around your DCs, and try doing something, something actually productive about your situation. you've had more help and support than anyone could ever ask for, so what's the excuse now? yes, it was a horrible, horrible thing to happen, but what you did about 6 weeks later, and ever since, pretty much negated any whinging/whining/excuses. i've actually cried for DCs on more than one occasion.
p.s. the fact you couldn't understand why we wouldn't bring DD into your house when the smell of weed was so bad it made my eyes water pretty much defines the whole situation for me.
p.p.s. if you're going to broadcast things, don't cherry pick. please remember, there are people that know the full details.

dear little ones,
i am so, so, so sorry. i felt like a complete waste of space for having to leave you there. you deserve so much better. i'm so sorry

Dear world
Please stop, I want to get off, just for a little bit

Dear brain,please can you stop thinking for just a little bit and relax

Dear DS,I love you with all my heart, but please can you sleep til 7am, just one day.

Dear H, I don't love you anymore, and I don't want to be married to you. when will you get the message

Dear family, I love you all so much, and I am sorry I have drifted away because of the lying bastard that I married. I will be back, sooner rather than later.

Dear 17yo sales assistant at B&Q,

you are very sweet and nice but I am old enough to be your Mum. I'm sorry. Please find a nice girl to fancy instead!

Best wishes

Ingrid

Dear DS1

Love you more than words can say. You will get through this. We will get through this. Grow towards the light and may the darkness go away.

Dear DS2

You are the kindest ray of sunshine. Never forget it. Always remember that you are deeply loved.

Dear DM

You will always be loved and missed. I hope you are looking down on me and seeing the joyful parts of my world.

Dear DF

Love you. I hope you are happy and peaceful.

Dear SF

You are so special, the kindest, gentlest, most wise person. Pray that you find a way to take the healthy route quickly.

Dear STBXH and family

I know that you believe you are doing the right thing. But where is the love? He needs love, please please show him love. MIL, how can you believe it was right to do that to me?
I have been so keen to keep in contact with you and felt that you were the mum I didn't have. I just cannot understand how you thought that was ok.

Dear Friends

You are fab...xxxx

Dear A and H

Thank you. You are immensely kind. We will overcome.

Dear Hangover,

I know I have avoided having you present in my life for 20 years but can you please fuck off!!!

Tles

Dear Whoever's Listening,

After an enthusiastic start on the babymaking DH now seems to have reverted to type and stopped having sex with me at all. I know it's just because he's tired and doesn't have a very high sex drive, but it feels like a rejection. I associate physical touch with expressions of love and him not wanting to be intimate with me feels almost like him saying 'I don't love you'. :-( But I can't make him want sex, can I?

I love him so much it hurts, but at times like this I start getting a wandering eye as I wonder if another man would be able to keep up with me and then I feel sick and guilty that I would consider doing something so hurtful, so I imagine he's dead because I don't want to think about him being in the world and not being with me, so for me to be with other men he'd have to be dead and considering that he flies aeroplanes that's not exactly an unlikely scenario, so then I get this horriblesinking depression guilt and that's what I masturbate to. TMI? Probably - but who the fuck else can I tell that to?

x
Cakes

Dear dh,

I'm sorry I swore at your for you for your getting 'Just For Men' splashed on my newly painted window and for it staining my brand new bathroom sink.

Either stop using the disgusting stuff of APPLY IT IN THE SHOWER or I WILL start divorce proceedings.

HHY xx

Dear dd1,

I am NOT your personal taxi service. And stop having a go at dd2 when she dares to mention her 'friend' who once liked you and who you now hate. Oh and please also refrain from texting me with demands when you are up in your bedroom and I am down in the living room.

I'm so sorry I didn't bond with you when you were a baby and we have a difficult relationship. But things have been quite good between us recently and I can only hope that that continues. I do really love you and always will.

Mum xx

Dear dd2,

I know that you probably don't feel like you have a 'real' job since you only work for your parents, but it IS a real job as we are paying you. So leave the mobile at home and stop facebooking in the office or you will find out what getting the 'real' sack is like. Oh and please be careful with your new 'friend'. It was only a few months ago that he was madly in love with dd1.... I worry that you are going to be hurt.

Mum xx

Dear dd3,

You are one of the world's beautiful people. You are gifted, amazing, gorgeous and everything and everyone just falls at your feet. But PLEASE clean your ears out - they are vile.

Mum xx

Dear dd4,

How did you get to be so cute? You will always be my gorgeous baby. But I would be grateful could you arrange it so that I could actually see the floor in your room once in a while. Thanks.

Mum xx

Dear guinea pigs,

Stop eating the grass. The garden looks crap. TIA.

She who buys your food. xx

Dear hamster,

Sorry I had to remove your wheel. But it makes far too much noise. And dd1 has just texted me from her bedroom to say that she can't sleep because of it.

She who removes your toys. xx

Dear dd1,

STOP TEXTING ME WITH DEMANDS FROM YOUR BEDROOM!!!!

Mum xx

Dear DD - I know it's difficult to be a teenager with autism, but PLEASE stop trying to hurt your brothers because they 'annoy you'. By being in the same room on the same planet as you. Please stop telling your brothers what the 'rules' are and having a meltdown if they don't comply or if I explain to you that it is MY job to do that. Please try to understand that a 7 year old boy is NEVER going to act like a 13 year old girl with a heightened sense of right and wrong. I will always love you with all my heart, but your behaviour is more than I can handle right now.

DS1 - Please understand that I will not bad-mouth your dad in front of you, even if he and your step-mother are being total twats. I may, and often do, secretly agree with you, but it is not my place to say that they are out of order. I will fight your corner with them, I just won't do it in front of you.

DS2 - Jealousy when a sibling is born is understandable, but you are SEVEN AND A HALF, not 2 1/2. Please stop whining about absolutely everything, and stop refusing to eat for attention - you just won't get any nice snacks until you start eating what's put in front of you at mealtimes. You have eaten cheese sandwiches for 7 years - screaming that you wont eat cheese and throwing your sandwich on the floor results in you sitting on the naughty step and being hungry. I am playing board games with you, and giving you hugs, and listening to what you want to tell me.

DS3 - cutting your 4th tooth at 11 weeks and 5 days is not the generally accepted age for it. Neither is 11 weeks the accepted age to be sitting yourself up. 5 weeks old was not the accepted age to roll over. Please slow down and let me enjoy you being a baby - you are my last one.

DP - GROW THE FUCK UP OR FUCK OFF. I am sick to death with having to be your mother too. I could go on, but I'm so tired of trying to fix 'us' that you either need to grow up, NOW, and stop expecting me to do everything, or you can go back and live with your martyr mother, who will do it all for you. I am not her.

MN - sorry for enourmously long post.

Dear boobs

Please stop hurting I have a very hungry baby to feed.

Dear MIL

Please stop being so pushy

dear ds

I am proud of you

I am not the enemy

I can take it though

x

Dear DD

You're the best little girl in the whole wide world. I feel like I really let you down by not loving you enough when you were tiny, but I was so tired and in pain and afraid you would die. It was nothing to do with you, and now I couldn't love you more - you are quite literally the light of my life

Dear DS

Thank you for sleeping and for showing me what it is like to fall in love instantly with your own tiny baby. I can't believe that you are so new and already so precious to me. I was so afraid after I felt so bad last time that I would struggle to bond with you, but you are so perfect and beautiful that I fell in love with you immediately (even if you do look a bit like a potato!)

Dear DH

Still love you more than chickens!

Dear Emma/Alice/Lola/Chloe/Grace

I know you're only practising flexing your tiny muscles, but I'm getting really tired of you keep kicking my bladder. Please stop as it's making me slightly incontinent. I had a coughing fit earlier and a tiny bit of wee came out.

See you in three months

Mummy x

Dear DH
-I'm sorry I am a rubbish wife. I know as I'm a SAHM I should be able to do more round the house, but some days I just can't face it. It is so mind-numbingly tedious.
-Also I thought we both agreed we wanted another baby. But I can count on one hand the number of times we've had sex since my MC almost a year ago.... I wish my libido was as low as yours, that way I'd know that another baby was off the cards completely but I feel like I'm in limbo with all your mixed signals and I'm not wasting another precious month of fertility drugs unless I know you're going to make some effort too. Feeling rejected physically hurts and I can't take it.

-I'm not excited about your Lovefilm subscription - all that means is that I spend more evenings sitting on the computer alone whilst you watch films I have no interest in.
I really wish we could move closer to my hometown. I have friends there, true friends I can rely on, and family who could help out perhaps. That's why I spend an unhealthy amount of time on Rightmove trying to figure out if we could afford to downsize and relocate there.
-On the whole, you are amazing, so kind and patient and forgiving, and I'm so proud of our little family we created and of you for working so hard and doing more than your fair share. The last 10 years with you have mostly been wonderful. All my love, TLM

Dear Confidence
Where did you go? I used to be the life and soul of the party, had loads of friends and was excited about my life and prospects, now I feel like a shell of my former self, have a couple of friends and nobody nearby I can truly rely on. My IQ seems to be dropping, my degree has been useless and I'm forgetting everything I studied and my ambitions have gone out the window. If I could just harness the confidence I had 10 years ago and apply it in my present life I could accomplish amazing things now.
Come back - all is forgiven! TLM

Dear Sister
Why do you continue to press the self-destruct button? It's as if you identify the options, find the best one, then immediately discard it because heaven forbid you should actually make any positive progress. You have had so many opportunities, so many chances, a great education and you throw it all away!
Guess what, all the mind-altering drugs you claim make you more open-minded are making you paranoid and worsening your MH problems. Get clean, start listening to the medical professionals and following their advice, otherwise the knot in my stomach tells me that you'll be a statistic soon.
It's not funny or clever to keep necking more glasses of wine at a party, whilst proclaiming that you aren't allowed alcohol due to your stomach ulcer. You are an idiot.
Stop blaming mum for your problems. She did her best, made so many sacrifices for you and you threw it back in her face. You have refused to see her for 10 years for no fathomable reason - all the problems you have now are of your own doing - you know full well she'd take you back tomorrow if you would just swallow your pride and talk to her.

Dear everyone else, sorry this is so long, there's a lot I can't say in real life!

Dear Ex-Line Manager

You were the worst manager I have ever had. Ever. That includes the sex-pest boss I had ten years ago that used to try and feel me up at company do's. I used to dread having to speak to you because you are such a nasty piece of work and my life is so much better now that I never have to speak to you again. By the way, I wanted to ask you if you were aware that your surname, Dick, is a euphemism for 'penis'? The giggles your surname gave me was the only thing that made the last two years bearable.

I'd say 'See you', but I really hope I don't.

Claire

Dear sh77,

((((hug)))

from
me.

Dear Vodka and Coke

I love you

Hic

dear miracle worker please please let me recover full use of my. Legs also my bowel and bladdrer to

Dear painkilling drugs please kick in now .I am in urgent need to be of away with the fairys .

Dear nurse I think I love you you brought the morphine

Dear fairys and flying pigs watch out I'm on my way

Dear Boss,

I am very sorry, I know the business is not doing well, but I would like to get paid soon. I am still waiting to be paid for February and March, and getting nervous that the money won't materialise.

Leonard

Dear SElf,

Please stop shouting at precious 3.5 DS. Yes he can be annoying, contrary, doesn't listen to you, but he is only a little person and when you shout at him, not only does it not work, but you feel remorseful and guilty and like the worst mum in the world. Now he is shouting and stomping off also, no doubt copying you.
He will be little only once. Treasure this time with him, interact instead of being rushed and busy and always doing other things. Spend some time in his world instead of being bored. These are the special moments that you will carry with you for the rest of your lives.
Remember that you love him and he was a miracle that turned your life around.

Love Leonard

p.s Stop being so hard on yourself, you're not a bad mum

Dear 13 yr old self

It will be alright in the end honestly.

From me, 37 years