Dear *

Dear DS

I'm sorry I used the line I hated as a child on you today but hopefully you'll realise it was done out of love - as I did tell you that.

Dear Friend

It breaks my heart to watch you struggling with your DC's, but please will you put a stop to them hitting you and calling you names. Ignoring it is not working and you deserve more respect than that. .

Dear X

The day you wouldn't take no for an answer haunts me, but I believe in a weird way it's made me stronger,and I hope your rotting in hell somewhere.

Dear Knee

Please stop hurting - I refused the op 13 years ago and would like to keep it that way.

Dear OP

Great thread.

Love Helium.

Dear sparkle,

Thanks for the tip re olive oil .

We probably won't need to try it out tonight as dear hamster has done a houdini and escaped

Love HHY

Dear ex
when you have the children please feed them someting other than chocolate (and no an unoppened box of grapes on the pushchair is not going to fool me) so that after doing a 4 hr round trip so you can play father christmas for 5 hrs without any parental responsibility i could actually sleep instead of being awake with two hungry overwrought children. And while we're at it DD1 needing a wee in a shop with no toliet is not an emergancy to ring me about. She's your daughter deal with it yourself. Yes i was at my partners house having sex but ringing me with fake emergancies is not going to make me want you back. Its actually going to make me hate you more. Please grow up and stop using the children like this before they realise what you are doing and hate you themselves.

Dear Very Fit Beautiful lady at the gym/swimming pool,

Why do you always get undressed literally right next to the door so we have to squeeze round you to get past? THis in itself would not be a problem if you didn't get completely undressed and bend over butt naked to talc your nether regions (think touching your toes position). You are clearly funding your waxers' holidays to the Caribbean as your hairless state demonstrates!

Some things I don't need to see when I take my 5 year old to her swimming lesson!

Dear work colleague,

I don't care you have put in a transfer request when you heard I was coming back to the department, in fact I am keeping my fingers crossed it works out for you as it'll make my life a whole lot easier.

FM

Dear maternity leave

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you at the beginning but I'm learning to love you now, why must you cut me off in my prime and force me back to work?

Sparkle

Dear DD

I am sorry for the first two months of your life, I didn't know what to do, I was suffering with PND, I will never get that time back but I love you more than you will ever know now and I hope that is enough. You are my world.

Sparkle

Dear DH

Thank you. For everything. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you and I hope I have made you happy!

Sparkle

Dear HHY

have you tried olive oil on the hamster wheel? Wil stop any squeaking straight away!

sparkle

Dear Ruby

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Love Shabbs. xx

Dear Man City

I now love you more than ever.

Love Shabbs

Dear DS4 (13 years)

Although I almost peed my pants at your Facebook status which involved the word granny sha**ing donkeys and Manchester United - it is a very good job that your Gran is not on Facebook. I would like you to change your status if possible.....and very quickly.

Love your Mam xxx

Dear SIL
I know you don't believe any of us (so we've given up saying it), but you will love your baby far more than you do the dogs, even though you don't think that would be possible. You won't want to leave it with your mum for your honeymoon - it will go with you
Don't let your mum dissuade you from bfing - it's only because she wants to be able to have the baby overnight. Probably my fault, as she could never have any of mine!

Dear MIL
Don't worry! I'm sure SIL will soon get excited about becoming a mum! However, stop telling her she won't cope with bfing

Dear other SIL
Any of my children would be missed a hell of a lot more than one if your cats. How bloody dare you say what you did, even if you thought you were joking.

Love Me x

Very cathartic OP, thank you!

Thankyou pinot .

Dear Mummy Mafia,

You are too thin. Why am I okay to talk to last year but now I'm not? Although i don't really care. You strut around the playground like we are still at school. We're not! We don't think you are cool. We don't want to be your friends. Being a size 6 is not the most important thing in the world. Also for two of you your children are bullies and the teachers refer to them as madams. Also dress your ages. You are not teenagers you are in your 30s. Also bleach blonde hair looks and feels like straw!

Kind regards
The loser in the waterproof coat and sensible shoes.

Dear middle brother,

I am very sorry you are feeling suicidal.Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't spent the last 20 years smoking enough marijuana to supply a small South American country.Please get your head sorted out and concentrate on being a Good Dad to your children..I will always be there for you if need be,and will drop everything to help where I can.It has probably escaped your notice that I even exist and your input when dp was ill and dying was zero,probably because you were stoned,but I will always be there if you need me,despite wanting to scream at you in frustration,I will keep my mouth shut,but please,think of my nephews:(

love

Mavis

Oh. I replies to that TFMDV. How odd. Will have to go off in search of wherever it landed.

1 year

How old?

Dear DC5,

I bloody love you I do. I adore you.

But if you dont stop spending the WHOLE day trying to turn the set top box off and the PS3 on I will go stark staring MAD.

Mummy

Dear Neighbours,

I'm sure that you think you have great taste in music. However, you don't need to foist it upon the entire neighbourhood. I have music of my own, I don't want to share yours.

Your increasingly irritated neighbour

PS I suspect that broadcasting Westlife at that volume is against the Geneva convention.

Dear DS,

You have no idea how much you blow me away when you say how much you admire me and aspire to be like me.
You are 13 you are supposed to 'ate me .

I am sorry though, sometimes I am not actually sure what I am doing when I try to heal things between you and your Dad, He was awesome with your brothers and I wish he could be like that with you. I am torn between letting you come home, and trying to heal the rift between the two of you because my precious love, you are really hard work and I need a break from you so that I can re energise to be able to cope, especially when you and your sister don't seem to be able to exist on the same planet without bickering and you have no idea how draining it is.

Love, we have come so far, you should be proud of yourself, it's OK to mess up, that's what a lot of kids your age do, it is part of the process, but I am proud of you honey.

With immeasurable love, Mum.

Oh and can you and your mates make sure when you use the house as a drop in centre this summer you all make sure you don't treat it like the council dump? Ta dude!

Dear Beloved Manchester City,

In another few minutes you will kick off in the semi final of the FA Cup. You are however playing Man U I have supported you for 44 years - 44 long, often painful years. I have spent hundreds and hundreds of pounds following you.

Please try very, very hard to beat United. I will have to face the heckling on Facebook if you loose....its not a nice thing to be heckled on Facebook.

My DS4 is a City fan....I made him support you He asked if he could support Man Utd when he was about 5 and I said 'I would rather you come home in a dress and high heels than support that shower!!'

So please....just for me....

Commmmmme on you Bllllllllllues

Yours in hope
Shabbs

Dear Watertight

What Shabbs said. What a beautiful mother-daughter relationship.

BAH xx

Dear Watertight

You are a great Mum - but its more than OK to cry.....a million times OK.

I have a DS who is almost 30 - so I know how you are feeling right now. He was always total straightforward with me about everything and I often was afraid for him. He is now a very hard working, compassionate, loving Man - a great partner and a totally wonderfully Daddy to an amazing little boy.

You have an amazing relationship with your DD. Well done to her for being able to trust you and talk to you.....and well done to you for being incredible.

Much love
Shabbs xxx