Dear *

Dear Deemented,
If you loved your little sprout it had a good life. At least it knew love while it was here.

Big hug for you (from a complete stranger but sometimes you need a lot of hugs)

Dear Friend,

You now I love you dearly and that your friendship means the world to me, but please, cut us all some slack with the Bridezilla thing. Nobody but you will care what colour your tablecloths are. Nobody but you will give two hoots if the bridesmaid's shoes are a slightly different shade to their dresses. Nobody but you will even notice if the name cards ar handwritten or printed out. We all just want you to have some fun and enjoy these last few weeks leading up to the big day. And give DF a reminder as to why he asked you to marry him in the first place - the poor chappy is living on salads and smoothies and not playing sport in case he injurs himself for you and you alone! Just relax :) And bring my fabby friend back into my life :)

WW82

Dear Boss

No I dont want a leaving present or a leaving do of any sort because you are making me redundant. I dont care if you need to salve your conscience, that's your problem not mine.

Regards

Gnome

Dear Deemented

It is devastating, but do not feel guilty.

Dear Self,

Loving someone who doesn't love you back is shitty but you have to pull yourself together.

Breaking contact was the best option, no matter how much it hurts right now.

This too shall pass.

MIssA

Dear Dee,

Please don't blame yourself. I'm very sorry for your loss.

MissA

Dear

bowl of custard. I love you. Silky, smooth and filling. Marry me.

Dear

Escape to the Country. Stop teasing me. You make me sob a lot little bit.

Dear friend,
I know you hated having to give up your job and that when you text me to tell me how wonderful your children are you are trying to cheer yourself up, but please can you tone it down a bit? it makes my life feel absolutely rubbish, because i have to work, and don't get to see my children all day.
greygirl
ps you are still a really great friend though

Dear First Trimester,

Please go away and stop making me feel so sick and exhausted.

Dear Second Trimester,

Please hurry and don't forget to bring blooming and generally feeling good.

Dear Mortgage Company,

Please lend us the money we need to create the extra space we need for this bean that is on the way. Even though it is rather more than you would ordinarily lend - I have been a good customer for many years! And it will only add value to the house ..

Dear Baby,

You are scheduled for arrival on Saturday. Whilst I have been poking and prodding you to arrive for almost 3 weeks now, please try to stay in there until tomorrow now as I have tickets to see Peter Kay tonight.

Lots of Love
Mummy

PS. The funny jiggling sensation you feel tonight will be laughter. I've not done much of that recently, but it should feel the same as the gut wrenching sobs I've been prone to this last trimester. Please don't be alarmed :o

Dear Marketing Department

Do you not understand that we aren't actually wizards? It's bad enough that we get blamed for everything going wrong when all we have to work with is our budget and the technology available to us. We don't sit there pulling out network cables and giggling when the helpdesk goes crazy. We don't ask to clarify whether this is the right way of doing things for shits and giggles, we just don't want to have to dismantle what we've done and start all over again because something doesn't work the way you expected it to.

Thank you

IT Department

Dear Deemented

please don't hate yourself. You did not do anything wrong. You do not need to apologise.

Love BBT

Dear Deemented,

You did nothing. Please don't blame and hate yourself. My sprout didn't make it either, albeit a long time ago now. You're not alone.

xxx

Dear DH

Texting me from the bedroom to request sex will result in no sex

Dear Connor,

I think I love you more than the aforementioned pretty boyfriend.

Thanks a million,

Toby

deemented no love not your fault no hate needed

Dear Tobylerone and No waynohow

Chemist, hydrogen peroxide, dilute, gargle (repeatedly)

Yours most sympathetically
connor

Dear Sprout,

I'm sorry i failed you and you died. You were - and would have been - so loved, so wanted. You would have made our family complete, and it kills me to think that i flushed you down the toilet. I didn't know what else to do. I'm so sorry.

Dear Manshape,

I'm sorry i lost our baby. I don't know what i did or what caused it to happen. You have been fantastic, so supportive and loving.. but i feel so guilty and i'm falling apart. I know you don't blame me at all... but i blame me. I hate me.

Dear Boyfriend,

Thanks for being so fucking pretty that thinking of you in jeans with your top off just got me through that horrific phone call from an absolute shouty bastard of a customer.

Also thanks for being the best nurse ever while I've been pathetically suffering with poxy tonsillitis.

I love you.

K

Dear ear,

I know you have had a nasty infection, but you've had two courses of antibiotics now and I've even breathed in methol fumes like the doctor told me - so PLEASE start working again!

Love, Lola

Dear Money

please can you stretch a little bit further, you know, like back in the old days?

forever in your debt

Beaker

Dear Fat Stomach

one day - I . WILL . GET . YOU.

just not today............

but soon I will stop eating crap and you will shrink away forever.

BBT

Dear DS.

I love you. I loved you from the moment you were born, just over 20 years ago, and I will love you until I die.

I even loved you at 12.45am this morning when I was cleaning up your vomit from the stairs.

The only way I could ever love you more is if you never drink cider again.
And get rid of the 'Road Narrows' sign which has mysteriously appeared in the hallway.

Love, Mum xx