Dear *

Dear DH

You have no idea how much I love and appreciate you for looking after me and DS through these last horrible weeks of hyperemisis. Stop being so gruff and hard and male and northern and let yourself be loved.

You were right, it did happen again, but you still let us go ahead and plant another baby. Roll on the end of October!

Dear me,
you are fat, you hate it, so why did you eat crisps this afternoon?
and why dont you get off your arse and sort your hair, face, clothes
ugh

love from the person I used to be x

Dear Oeufabrain,

Yes you should.

Rgds,
Toby

Dear Self
Please, please remember to put your blue badge up next time so your lovely, rare trip out isn't ruined by a parking ticket. I will kick you if you do it again.

oh boob.

Dear DD,

Yes, well done for working out how to get down the stairs. I was a bit worried and gentle persuasion, as ever doesn't work with you. So I'm glad you found your own way. But FGS stop using this new skill to escape from naps or I will put the stairgate back!

Mummy

Dear Best Friend's Boyfriend,

Please can you get a job here so you can all move, and DD and I can stop missing you all so much.

LaWeasel

Dear Car,

Please, please for the love of all that is good and holy will you pass your MOT next week. We only just have the £48 for the test if you need new tyres and brakes I don't know what we'll do.

LaWeasel

Dear ex-H,

Please, please, please give your children a bath this weekend. Don't just be the 'fun' parent all the time.

Dear World,

Please, please, please give me a job. I have been out of work for nearly four years and I'm beginning to think I truly am useless.

Dear me,

Get up and do some work,

Thanks,

Me

Dear Stomach,

I don't want to be a fat woman again, just so you don't look like a deflated balloon. Can you do something about it please?

Butterbur

Dear friend,
Stop using me as free counselling. It would be nice if you ever rang me to suggest something nice, not just when you are having a bad day. Or even, y'know, asked how I am for a change...
We could go and have a coffee and cake, and I will pay (as usual) because you are forever pleading poverty, even though you seem to manage 3 coffees out per day.
Oh, and while we're at it, stop posting all your negative shit on my cheerful and funny FB updates, you are bringing EVERYONE down.
Does anyone think I should say this to her face :( I have had two years of this.

Dear house,

Please tidy and clean yourself.

LTPBTP x

Dear lottery,

I'd like to win about £7m on saturday please.

LTPBTP x

Dear Deemented, hope everyone on here telling you it wasn't your fault has made you feel better. They are right, you know. And it's fine to cry.

Dear DH, please notice me. I'm your wife, not your housekeeper or PA. Being physically with me and the DDs is meaningless if you are on your phone or watching TV all the time.

Dear OP, thanks for starting this thread. It has made me laugh and cry.

Dear DD
Please stop ignoring me and stop shouting in your brothers face it is starting to annoy me.

Dear DS
Could you please keep your pants on and stop messing with your winky, and also stop sticking your tongue out and well being a cheeky pants.

Dear DH
Can you please get me a take away tonight as my back really hurts, my house is a mess and the kids are making my day a challenge!

Dear OP
Thank you for letting me vent here.

Dear Rain,
please piss off, you are doing my business no good!
Regards
Walter

Dear Friend (who is a mobile hairdresser),
Stop letting me down at the last minute, I know you think you can because it's me, but my hair is a frikkin state, my time is limited and I may be forced to go elsewhere
Regards
Walter

Dear Dee
Not your fault.
Walter

Dear Children,

If you are going to whinge that you are tired all day, how about going to sleep within say an hour of being put to bed. You have no one to blame but yourselves.

Toddlerama

Dear Lady

Please stop looking at me like I am some kind of F**kwit, my son has SN and yes I do apologise for it not being stamped on his forehead (or indeed not taking the time to notify you of this in advance). However telling your son in my earshot not to play with the nasty little boy, really does you no justice. In addition if you happen to follow up around the grocery store with my son clearly doing a good impression of the Tasmanian Devil, please don't stare at me and then put on that pitying smile as next time I may just knock your block off.

regards
Wally

Dear bunny

Please stop munching the rug and go snuggle with deemented for a bit

Purple

Dear Me

Please stop drinking so much wine in the evenings.

Exit

Dear Deemented

Please be gentle with yourself.

Dear DD,

Please stop waking me up at stupid o'clock. There really is no need for it and you should of had a bloody nap in the day instead of tantrums all bloody day.

Love mum

Dear Port Isaac,
I wish that I had appreciated living in you, and the wonderful countryside around you, rather than wanting to "escape" to the big city. Many years on I now realized how blessed I was to spend time in such a beautiful place, how envious I am of friends who are still living there, and how difficult it would be to engineer my life so that I could return. I dream about you, and the quality of the sun light in summer.
With the best memories of carefree days, Ash

Dear Deemented,

I'm so sorry you lost your sprout :( Please don't be too hard on yourself, it wasn't your fault.

Dear Dee

I'm so sorry, please don't blame yourself or feel guilty.

Baroness

Dear IT Department

Yes, I do understand that you are not wizards but you clearly think I am a witch. I've given you the budget to get the technology to do this project, don't tell me 3 weeks prior to launch that it's not going to do what you said it could do, showed me it could do, and then let me show the Board what it could do. I don't care how it works or the science that sits behind it, I do care that not one of the conference calls, meetings, drinks in the pub or crafty fags round the back of the office resulted in you telling me about this.

Frankly, I now look like an arse. The next round is on you

Regards

The Marketing Department

Dear Everyone

Thank you for being gentle with me. But please stop as i'm crying again.

Dear DH

Please hurry back to work. The week "off" you have had has only made me pissed off with you because every time I would like you to help out with one of the dc's, you seem to have an important call/email you need to attend to immediately. I was very much looking forward to having an extra pair of hands this week and, dare I suggest, even a little bit of child free time but instead I have just ended up feeling resentful.

Dear PMT

Please do not make yourself present when little things piss me off (see above), thus turning them into monumental things and making me feel thoroughly miserable

Dear Deemented

Please do not blame yourself I've had 3 sprouts that didn't make it and it is devastating but you are really in no way to blame. Take care of yourself x

dear ex h

dd is now an adult - you don't need to 'buy' her anymore. You did it very well when she was small, she particularly liked the hideously expensive trips abroad that you were unable to accompany her on.. but it is not, and never was, a competition to see who could spend the most, and you know what? Ithink she's worked it out now.

Thanks
LC