Dear *

Dear house

You're just doing it to annoy now, aren't you?

Those cheerful blooms of mould on the timbers I treated? Now I've laid the insulation and can't easily get to them? You know how hard it was for me to haul my carcass into the loft at all, never mind stand or stretch or work.

You little minx.

And this after we've repaired your leaking roof, chimneys (twice), ventilated and insulated. Replastered and damp-proofed you, taken up your floors, treated your timbers. Put expensive sound-dampening on your single-brick party wall, so there's one room where the neighbours' incessant screaming is slightly dulled. Fought epic battles with your many, many plumbing leaks.

I only clambered up there to list jobs for the electrician. Again.

Yours
ThisIsANiceButRatherDodgyCage

--

Dear surveyor

Thanks for saying the house had no problems. I hate you very much.

TIANBRDC

--

Dear vendor

Your one little lie about the walls has had such a huge impact on my life and health. You knew I was asking because I had M.E. and was badly affected by noise, as well as needing to sleep lots. But you still lied. Thanks for that.
TIANBRDC

--

Dear neighbours

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Just for one day. Please.

Dear DS1

I am so sorry I shouted at you and your brother. The week of tantrums, lack of gratiitude, answering back and just ignoring me has taken it's toll. You say you hate me, I understand that. When you are ready to unbarricade your room from the table you have moved behind the door there's a chocolate bun and a joke book for us to giggle at whilst we cuddle and your brother has a snooze.

Lots of love from your mummy who is far crosser with herself than she is with you brilliant kids.

P.S stop parping on that blasted harmonica.

Dear Baby,

Thank you for listening to me yesterday and not making an appreance during Peter Kay. Just to let you now that we are all systems go again and you are more than welcome anytime now.

There is a lovely room all ready for you and more clothes that you could ever wear.

Daddy and I love you very very much already even though we've only seen you on the squidgy scan pictures.

Mummy

Dear me,

Enough already, you have said what you needed to, had a cry, felt sorry for yourself now move on, ya miserable bag. Smile

From me

Dear Rainy

Thank you

Jules

Dear Mum

I know we don't talk about it much but I want you to know, you're my hero. Not only did you put up with our sperm donor until you knew we could be safe, once you managed to divorced him, you still let us see him and work out what a tit he was without once disparaging him.

I know we weren't easy to deal with, three kids under 10 would try anyone's patience and to do it while working every hour god sent is simply amazing to me. I never realised how much you sacrificed for us until I had my own and I wish there was some way that I could make up for all the stupid stuff I did as a teenager. I just hope my apology was enough.

Now it's finally hit me that you're nearly 60 and that all you've ever done is try to help us and I wonder why it took me so damned long to realise. now that I have realised, I'm going to enjoy every single second I have with you because I know that all too soon, I'll have to use all those lessons you taught me by myself because you won't be around to talk to. I love you mum.

Yours in Awe,
DD
x

Dear Dad,

I know I'm not biologically yours, heck, we're not even actually related but thankyou for letting me adopt you at a time in my life where I was losing the plot. Thankyou for saving my life when I was 13 even though it made you break your promise, I will never be able to make it up to you but I'll try so very hard anyway because I don't want to let you down.

Thankyou for all the holidays you took me and mum on to give us both a break, thankyou for giving my DCs presents every holiday and signing them as Grandad and thankyou for caring when someone else wouldn't. Most of all, thankyou for setting me on a path that didn't involve trying to kill myself and wanting to become a better person instead. You rock Dad and I just wanted you to know that even though I still act like a silly teenager around you sometimes. I love you.

Yours affectionately,
Your strangely adopted daughter
x

Dear Sperm Donor

You don't deserve the title of 'Father'. You never did. Don't think we didn't notice the beatings, the cruel words or the way that mum would wilt when you came home. We thank God every day that you left her and that she divorced you. We will never forgive you though, especially for trying to run her over.

I promised you then, at the court hearing, that you would die cold and alone with nobody to care about you and guess what? I'm right. Denying the behaviour was one step too far. I bet it would kill you to know that all your children are in contact and we all hate you with a passion that would make civil war seem like a tea party.

Oh and, before I sign off on this, I want you to know that we're all waiting for the final confirmation of your death because we have a promise, you see. As soon as we know, we're all getting together at your graveside so we can all finally laugh at you and let go of the shadow you created across our lives.

Yours Spitefully,
Me.

Dear Everyone,
Sorry for the length
Sephrenia
x

Dear Doggy

Please stop eating grass. It makes you fart and it smells feckin noxious.

Thanks ever so

The-one-who-feeds-you-yet-you-prefer-DH

Dear people who've replied to this post,
You very funny, make me laugh lots.

Dear weird NCT "friend",
Stop copying my facebook posts. Creepy.

Dear dd,
You are the best thing in my life, I'm so lucky to have you. Please don't become like the yelly teenage girl downstairs, I will die inside.

Dear Amazon,
Thankyou for your prompt delivery of my cupboard locks. Not only does it mean DS can't trap his fingers anymore, it also means I won't be tied to the house tomorrow waiting for deliveries, so can have a much-needed day with my mum. And I'll get to watch the wonderful relationship DS has with my dad keep on blooming.
You will be getting mucho good feedback. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.
SG

Dear mum,
I'm sorry you're suffering and there's nothing I can do about it. You're my best friend and all I can do is give you a happy, gurgly baby-toddler to cuddle.
HTH
Your daughter.

Dear everyone on this thread,
Thanks for the great read
There's a whole website devoted to these letters, and some of them are really moving.
ourunsentletters.com/
More procrastination reading material for you!

SG

Dear DS
I am sorry you get angry when you are nervous, I don't cope well with being nervous either.
It is your party tomorrow your friends are coming, you will love it, I know you will, and I understand that means that today you are going to have a hard day. I will deal with it as best as I can, I just hope we manage to end the day as friends. x

Dear people that post on the forum I own,
The reason that I don't attend the website socials you organise as 'admin' is because I am a woman. I have no idea why you have always assumed I am a man. I didn't correct you at first because your blantant sexism amused me. Now I feel slightly embarrassed by the amount of flirtatious IM's I get from other women and I think if I 'came out' as a woman then you'd all think I was a bit creepy. I never told you I was a man. You assumed.
ps I troll the forum and regularly ban myself.

Jelly

Dear Ingrid & Chulita,

I wish we could gang up on it. We could have placards: 'Pick on someone your own size'.

Thanks
Rainy

Dear Jules,

Of course you were right. You were his Mummy, and Mummys just know.

Rainy

Dear Friend
Please stop complaining about having no money - you've got loads.

Dear DS2
Please stop crapping in your pants and do it in the potty. I love you nonetheless

Dear DS1
Please stop winding up your brother. I love you too.

Dear DH
Please show me you love me. I love you.

2s1h

Dear Homebase online,

You really are a giant ball of suck.

You should not be allowed to brand yourself under the same name as the stores you having nothing to do with that actually have pretty good customer service. Yours on the other hand is shite.

This week you have cost me a lot of money that we don't have an you don't seem to care at all.

Your entire customer service department should be sacked, except Harry, who seems quite nice but actually doesn't have the power to do anything. The rest of them are a bunch of rude, lying, useless idiots

Your customer

Gracie

Dear fate,
Thank you. This life has turned out better than I ever imagined it would. I know it's a lot to ask but please let the scan results keep coming back clear.

Dear broad bean seeds,
I do apologise for failing to notice it hadn't rained and neglecting to water you. On the up side I've now got more room for the borlotti beans. rip little seeds.

Dear Senior Management

We all think its an undeserved jolly for you to go on an offsite for 2 days. But please do it more often, particularly on a Friday. We are all really enjoying having long lunches and spending the afternoon discussing our tax codes and whether our April payslips are better or worse than last tax year, then blaming the government for making us poor. If you come back we might have to actually do some work (horror!)

love MichaelaS

Dear DP

I love you so much, you've been great looking after ds whilst Ive been lying on the sofa with a god awful sickness bug. I cant wait to marry you in June and be your wife for the rest of my life.
But you know this already because I tell you all the time :)

Love always
DH20

Dear DS

You're so little and chubby and look so cute crawling around. You get up to mischief and rarely sleep well at night but I love you so much and you really make me laugh

lots of love
mummy

Dear Bullies

Do you realise that your name-calling and bullying for the 5 years we were at senior school together has utterly destroyed my self esteem and has led to me having depression for the rest of my life? Do you know that your treatment of me led to me being suicidal at 14 years old? Do you even care?

SDTG

Dear Mum

When I told you I was being bullied, I needed some support from you, not to be dismissed in such a way that I never felt I could tell you again, so the bullying went on for 5 years and has blighted my life.

SDTG

Dear Depression

Fuck the fuck off and then fuck off again. Let me enjoy my life and my kids and my dh - and give said kids and dh a break from depressive me. I don't expect to be happy all the time - I would just like a sense of peace and wellbeing - and to like myself a bit - just a bit.

SDTG

Dear DH

You have been a saint, putting up with me all these years - I know I am a useless wife and housewife, and you end up doing so much stuff that I should do - and I know I am a waste of space. I wish I had a sex drive, so I could make you happier. And I wish I budgetted better so you didn't have to worry about money.

But if you decide to wake me up at 6.24am by crashing the dishes around the kitchen whilst you empty the dishwasher, I will not be answerable for my actions.

SDTG

Dear Sleep,

Where are you? Why won't you come to me when I put the light off at night? Why do I have to toss and turn half the night, before you plunge me into a deep sleep that is well-nigh impossible to drag myself out of when the alarm goes off.

SDTG

Dear dses

You are messy, cheeky, loud, and annoying, and I love you so much. Sorry for being such a shit mother.

Mum

Dear Nosy and Deemented

I am sending you the most loving hugs I can - Dee, it was not your fault, and your sprout was soo loved. Nosy - I hope all goes well for you and your dd - you are an amazing and brave woman!

SDTG

P.S

Dear OP,
I love this thread xx

Dear Husband,
Stop acting like a teenage stoner and take some responsibility.

Dear Ovaries,
Stop making me feel so shit every month.

Dear Dad,
Thanks for the financial bail out!

Dear Daughter
I am so happy we have 2 weeks off together!

Dear Me,
Relax during the next 2 weeks!

Dear DH
I have three children at home all day. The weather is horrid and DS2 is poorly. The house isnt going to be pristine when you get home, there will be lots of toys around. Think yourself lucky you dont have to be here all day.
Your stressed wife.

Dear DS.
You new ASD obsession with 'tiddles' (which is any type of running water) is not doing my bladder any good, and its starting to turn into water torture. Please move onto something else. I would even have the door slamming back.
Mummy

Dear DH

I am so proud of you today especially - your hard work has paid off, it looks amazing, and I hope you get all the credit due to you for making it what it is. Watching you on TV now!

Love your missus

Dear Mum

Antibiotics DON'T WORK on viral infections. Please stop hassling me to take them, I've already had 5 courses this year.

Your loving DD

Dear sister

I wish you knew how much you were missing of your DN's life - he changes every day, and I hope fulfilling the wanderlust is worth it.

Your big sis.

Dear fellow mners
Sorry for such a mammoth post of nothingness

Dear Genetic Disorder
Listen to Rainey and clear off

Dear Argos

I want my picnic bench. Your courier is lying when they say they tried twice and I wasn't in, I've been in every afternoon this week and no one's been. Sort your act out and get my bench here in time for the holidays.

Me

Dear Shabba

I hope you get a really sunny holiday.

Love Chulita

Dear MummyLouise

I hope you have many, many years of enjoying your children.

Love Chulita

Dear MN

Please stop distracting me so I can clean this tip of a house before my parents get here.

Dear Mum and Dad

You are both fantastic, I know you get embarrassed when I tell you I love you but I do, with all my heart.

Dear parents of teenagers

They will love you again (see above)

Dear DD

You are adorable and I love you so much. Please stop sitting on your brother, he's only little. Sorry I trapped your skin in the seat belt clip today, and sorry for shouting at you yesterday - I was too tired for your toddlerness. I will try my best to be patient with you.

Dear DS

Thank you for sleeping 7 hours in a row last night, you beautiful little boy.

Dear neighbours

Why the frick were you out in your garden shouting at 4.30 this morning? Just cos you don't want to sleep then doesn't mean the rest of us have to hear about it. And the late night parties on Monday nights? Not.cool.

Dear darling gorgeous friend

you're too bloody far away and I miss you more than I want to admit.
Please come home, well, you are next week anyway but honestly, I could use a text or something.

arghhhhhhh
Ingrid

Rainey your post has made me fill up.

Dear Jamaica

Thanks for the best year of my life, I live on the memories and miss you every day

Sera