Thickos on TripAdvisor

The next morning we went down for breakfast and was shown to our allocated table and waitress 'the dreaded jackie' the breakfast wasnt that good small with what i would call a slice of fat oh sorry bacon the waitress jackie does not appear to have any waitressing skills or any manners but surely the management must know this as there are other bad reviews on here about jackie, the saturday night we went down for dinner and on our table was a saucer full of mint sauce these dishes were randomly scattered around the restaurant,we ordered the starter and were asked by another guest can he use the minnt sauce on our table as the waiter he asked for some pointed to our table to get it, we obliged but told the guest thet he could keep it as all his table were using it. when we ordered our main meal we too wanted some mint sauce , we asked jackie BIG MiSTAKE she then proceeded to go to the same table as we get the mint sauce and tried to put it on our table spoon in the dish we asked her could we have fresh as we didnt know if any of them guests could have had the spoon in thier mouths,jackie told us she had just put a clean spoon in we told her that she didnt as we watched her pick it of the table the mint sauce had bits of food in it from the others guests using it ,we asked for fresh and she said she would get some from the kitchen 10 minutes later another waitress came out with another mint sauce again with bits in we did not use it by this time jackie ignored us and refused to take our plates we had to ask another waitress to clear the table and get our desserts jackie would not serve us and kept giving us the evil eye come on management sort your staff out how many other people does she do this to ? we were able to tell her but your other guests the older people may feel a little intimidated will not go again for this reason!!!!!!

"no complaints at all,10 out of 10 for everything,only complaint we had was the fancy dress shop and its big violent smelly owner who robbed my friend of 25 euros and when we confronted him he threatened to slap my friend(julie),also beware of young girls entering this shop because he is known for his touchung up skills,he ruined our stay,made us feel like we wanted to go home away forever. "

"water park is a must do :D but dont go hungover and fall asleep in the sun:D:D"

"We were told it was all ytou can eat but by the time u had finished ur first plate they had stopped serving - even tho to be fair i couldnt eat anymore!"

"the bbq nite,15euro's p/p abit steep for wot you get and the pole dancer was crap."

" A garden wall had been demolished to make space for our room - the remains of this were left in the cupboard under the sink"

"I got my drink Spiked! spent the nyt in hospital on a drip and had 5 police cars escort me to the hospital, was spiked with LSD! But, it didnt spoil my holiday, and we met sum wicked ppl out there!" You don't say!

"wolfie the rep bit weird at first buit he grows on ya.... WORD OF ADVISE WATCH THE LITTLE PIKEYS" ?????

"if your not up for a laugh then dnt bother, if youve got a sense of humor and dnt mind getting spayed wiv shaving foam then it is def the trip for you, was the best day of the week!!!"

I'll end with a challenge:

"Back to the Plaza though the girls that were staying there were among the highest quality you can find on this planet and 'V' the barman reckons that there is no woman he can't charm the pants off of, so ladies please prove him wrong and don't forget i will be there next year around the end of June so go then and i will be able to laff as he get shot down in flames."

FGS please don't make me browse the review section again...

[weeps]

oh the game what you have to line up the squars, everybody's favourite!

I am liking this one about Mamaris:-

?Hotel carn't be beaten!! ( and believe me im picky)?
5 of 5 stars
Date of review: 4 Jan 2011

heya, been to this hotel and was lovely the only thing i can say is there aint no lifts . but other than tha hotel was very clean. Staff was brill, entertainment was brill day and night, there is a kids club, kids parkand kids games room which we won a a new psp game which costs about £200 in english money and we put 1 liera in and won it, so i would recomend avin a go at the game what u have to line up the squars lol the food in the resturant is bang on! would really recoment ppl to go, im a very fussy person with cleaness and i expect alot for wat i pay for.

I almost wet meself too there, Hully

I have learnt the following this from this thread:

• never, ever go all inclusive
• Spanish resorts will insist on serving Spanish food, letting in Spanish guests and speaking Spanish - the selfish bastards
• if you or your frend get drunk and hit your head on the table, don't expect much sympathy
• the are a lot more whores hanging around in hotels than you'd ever expect. But the ones in Greece are really lazy and sit on chairs, unlike good British whores who stand. Apparently

It has been an education

to be fair, I've experienced the slightly seedy gladiators in Rome as well. They are basically smelly grubby peasants in fancy dress, begging with slight menaces, but when you've taken your 11 year old there as a birthday treat because he loves all things Roman you can hardly say 'No' to the posed photograph can you?

They were smelly though, those Gladiators.

I love the gladiator.

'i went ot this restaurant with my frends and the service was discreaseful my frends was drunk and hit her head of your tables and your staff didnt ask if she was allright they then brought use the wrong cake and my frenid was very upset and wet her self'

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The colosseum...

'We visited the colosseum and were asked by a man dressed as a gladiator if we would like our picture taken with him. We said, "No thank-you". The man then called by husband some vulgar names. We left the colosseum without going inside and visited the other sites nearby. Later as we walked back to get the metro, a gladitor passed us on the sidewalk. He said, "Kill your wife". We assume it was the same gladiator, or perhaps they are all just rude creeps.'

For some reason the more I read this the funnier and stranger it seems (probably just me) - 'Kill your wife' - why FFS? No idea what this person thought of the colosseum, why tell people to not go to the colosseum because the 'gladiators' will tell you to kill your wife

On the contrary to some reports, I was told this hotel was for for young'uns wanting a lively holiday. However, when we got there we experienced a zero tolerance policy on fun, noise, and bringing ladies back to our room. However, the security guard did say he would accept a bribe if we wanted to break any of these rules - corrupt or what! One morning we were all asleep when the security guard dragged us out of bed and demanded 100 euros for.... sleeping?

'There was phlegm on the interior lift walls and urine on the floor.'

Well, if you will book a holiday in the Croydon NCP multi-storey you've only yourself to blame.

This is a restaurant review. I came quite close to wetting myself too:

'i went ot this restaurant with my frends and the service was discreaseful my frends was drunk and hit her head of your tables and your staff didnt ask if she was allright they then brought use the wrong cake and my frenid was very upset and wet her self'

'The town was like a ghost town. there was not a single English person to be seen.'

It's Tenerife. I didn't know they were obliged to supply English people in their towns for the tourists.

Georgimama I think I know what waitress. I think we had her in Rome.

We almost had a full blown stand up row with her. It was a help yourslef buffet breakfast with a copious selection of sticky lurid coloured cakes and pastries and pots of yoghurt etc. Our children were between 11 and 4 so obviously they were thrilled at the idea of all you can eat cake fro breakfast. We warned them not to be greedy but the trouble was, every single thing they tried was such dry, stale, horrible rubbish that they kept taking one bite out of something and spitting it out. First of all we told them off for being fickle and wasteful, but then we tried the food and realised why! I mean how bad can a pile of cakes and doughnuts be that three small boys won't eat them?

It was a bit awkward, but we just said 'Never mind, choose something else, and tried to hide the crumby debris under napkins. But even the yoghurts were vile - all full of gloopy thickeners but no actual flavour. Eventually our table did (I must admit) look embarrassingly like Augustus Gloop had had a very wasteful food fight there, but the kids had hardly managed to eat a thing.

The waitress came over, looked at the table and immediately starting shouting and gesturing really aggressively in Italian, which I didn't understand, but got the general gist, which was that the English were all a bunch of arrogant greedy wankers. We tried to calmly explain that everything was so piss poor we'd had to work our way through the entire buffet trying to find something half edible, but she wasn't having any of it. And the place had bedbugs. Ahh. Happy memories.

Oh God, my chest. I've just looked up a hotel in Paris we've stayed in three times because we love it. It's not posh, it's just a Sofitel, but it's clean, it's about five minutes walk from the Champs Elysees, the rooms are nice and the food on room service is fab.

There are many many reviews pondering the heat in the rooms - one person tried in vain to turn down the heating so had to open the window instead. Can you imagine the horror? On the plus side they found Denis the concierge very helpful. I'm sure if they'd asked Denis nicely he could have sorted the heating out.

And why, why, why, why do people check into standard doubles in city hotels in old buildings and then express surprise to find they aren't in a palatial suite?

Let me see if I can find it. It was in Blackpool...

'We would return to this hotel not EVER EVER, not even if you gave us £100000000. We'd rather go to Southend on Sea.'

Yes, that's eight noughts. One hundred million.

They may knock on the door but do they have Dillie's staying power?