to wonder if you do weird things when you think you're not observed?

I do also talk to all self-service amchines, esp the one in sainsbury's that keeps telling me to do things i've already done.

and automatic doors and lifts.

Chaos you're a freak.

but:
say thank you to cashpoint machines? that's perfectly normal

say excuse me if you rumble? i never rumble (whatever that might be...)

open your mouth when applying massacre? yes, that's automatic

steal sample some of the meal when you're plating up? it's not stealing , it's checkign for taste

read the end of the book before the rest? no, never, and for that alone you should be shot

shout at the television? yes, of course

talk to the animals? yep

pretend you're a firebreathing dragon on a frosty morning? oh, yeah! definitely!

wear pants in your hair when you can't find a bobble? no, that's just weird

shove a few dirty things in the dishwasher and rewash clean stuff, to save emptying it? don't have a dishwasher, but probably would do this cos i'm lazy

drink the milk from a bowl of cereal? yep

I have to sleep covered with the duvet, or monsters will get me.

I taunt my fish in the style of Otto in A Fish Called Wanda - "hello K-K-K-Ken's p-p-p-pets" or when the big fat one is sitting still, as it often does I shout "Wake up you Limey fishhhh!"
My dog and I have very highbrow conversations about Russian Literature and the state of the Palestinian/Israeli conflict...
I sing randomly about things - just before posting this was a rather tuneless "my feet are sooo cold... my feet are bloody cold...".
I also run back to my bedroom last thing at night after checking my DS - he has two single beds with space under for mad axe men - or even worse, the mad evil child in Pet Cemetery who cuts through his father's heel with a scalpel (I watched that 17 years ago and still get petrified by it!). oooh - and my mum used to grab my ankles on the way up the stairs to bed when i was little (explains so much) and i still have a fear of being grabbed on the way up the stairs...

I talk to myself regularly.
I say excuse me when I sneeze and/or burp even if I'm the only one there.
I used to shout at the TV when I watched baseball and American football and when I'm watching a scary movie (don't go in there you idiot the killer's waiting for you)
And other things that I won't admit to.

Yep, another thong in hair wearer.
I also pretend to be on a cooking show whenever I cook.

I sometimes pretend DD's teddy is my baby.
I practice award acceptance speeches.
I pretend to look in shop windows but really I;m looking at myself.

As well as some of OP's

when walking across a zebra crossing both my right and left foot have to touch the white lines the same number of times. Not easy to do when you are also trying to appear to just be walking normally!

@ psammead and foundwanting

Bloody Brilliant!!!

Have been know to have a conversation with one of my cats (as i do with all of them) but the only thing is this ones deaf and cant hear a friggin word!!

I don't need pants in my hair, my hair is magic and can tie itself up all by itself.

Would love to have a cat to torment :o

musical

I smile at dogs.

I dance like I'm in a usical when I clean the house.

I pretend I'm on a cooking show and making the best dishes known to man.

I have totally one sided arguments with dh when he's out at the shops I tell him exactly what I think of him and have a good rant, then I feel better when he returns.

I also sit and spend ages looking at the ant colony we have in the back garden. I give them bits of food and jam and put obstructions in their way to see what they do. Every year some of them grow wings and then form a group and fly off to pastures new which makes me feel happy and sad all at once.

I apologise to inanimate objects if i bump into them and sometimes have conversations with them.

Usually i'm telling off something for being in the way....

I also feel really sad for items of food if i leave them on their own and have done since i was a kid. Like if i eat all the peas and only leave one on my plate i feel so sorry for it being away from all the pea friends i have to eat it.

I told my OH about this the other day... he thinks its hilarious, luckily..

• caught by

I have full scale conversations with the dogs while we are out walking. They also each have their own theme tunes which I sing tunelessly at them.

I practice my Zumba moves when I think noone can see me. I was aughtby a cyclist the other evening as I was zumbaing my way along a dark path while out with the dogs.

Obviously I don't chat to the dogs while zumbaing...that would just bugger my rhythm be mad

I also sing at the top of my voice to '80s power ballads while cleaning the kitchen. But that's normal, isn't it?

I clean my plate with my finger when nobody's looking.

I also sing nonsense songs to myself while cycling home.

OTheHuge

i do like to step from side to side, blocking the cat's progress, while saying "You first. No, please, you go first. Really, I insist."

DD caught me once and sadi, "Mummy! You are tormenting the cat. I will report you."

Beware the pants in your hair! I have gone to work with a marks and spencers label fluttering in the breeze above my jaunty ponytail!

this is the upside to be slightly paranoid - I always act as if someone is watching me

doesn't mean I don't do half these things though

Psammead - that is sooooo funny.

I got caught talking to a ladybird at work once, by someone I really don't like...... He gave me a withering look and continued down the corridor.

I race the dog down the stairs, although I don't think he realises it's a race. If I win I make fun of him

I talk to the fridge, thank the bank machine and lots of other things we won't mention

My family know I'm totally mad, so it's okay.

I lick my plate, if it was something particularly nice.

Thong in hair wearer here!! They really do work as a hair bobble (clean of course - and wouldn't leave the house like it!)