Things you learned the hard way not to do again

Do not use the smokers toothpaste 'Euthymol' on your face as a teenage acne treatment. It is very menthol and it burns.

When cycling, do not stretch out your feet in front of you when going fast down a hill and catch them in the wheel spokes. You will not only nearly break all the bones in your feet but will have an interesting flying lesson too.

I so wish there was a 'like' button on this thread

give birth

think you'll pop the washing machine on whilst you nip of to have a shower. OWW...BRRR...OWW...BRRR

to move a rack in the oven with a bare hand. forgot that i'd put it on to pre-heat.

drinking absynth (? spelling) never going there again

Ladygoldie, Yep done that, the resulting panic, had DH killing himself laughing at me!

Do not age 13 show off and jump off the garage behind your Army Quarter, and put both knees into both eyes, resulting in two weeks of black eyes, especially when you are a very well endowed and self conscious 13 year old, your first crush will tease you unmercifully

Do not 30 years later tell off a group of children, jumping off same garage roof, on returning to same Army Camp, because one bright spark will be the son of first crush and will tell all the children why you shouldn't and wonder why you are blushing!

learned from watching my step-dad:

dont pet, talk to in a funny voice or or in any way make friends with the police dogs at the airport. Unless you like starting your holiday with a rubber gloved finger up your arse.

Don't have sex with DH when he's been chopping chillis.

Whilst looking for birds nests never encourage your younger sister to jump over the open cess pit after you without considering her legs may well be shorter than yours.

Thanks girls.

Veeting as in the hair removal? Get a bit 'splash happy' when doing bikini line and it can sting quite a lot!!

at feralgirl

Never go to a cheese and wine party on an empty stomach when you can't stand cheese.....

Don't come back to your auntie's house really really drunk on Christmas Eve and eat loads of sweeties in bed. You will pass out, lying on chocolate, and you will wake up and think you have shat the bed

Sorry to hear your "live and learn" experience Muriel.

I'm sure it could happen to any of us.

Sometimes writing about it here helps a bit.

Again, I'm sure any of us would say that's one reason we're here.

P.S What's "Veeting" ?!

at some of these (but not muriel's )

Don't show off in front of a group of new friends when drunk by jumping off a high wall. It will take lots of money and pain to replace your front teeth.

DON'T give your fella a hand job after chopping chillies unless your hands have been VERY thoroughly scrubbed. He won't thank you.

Pants!

Have just browsed some of the thread and it's light hearted, sorry I didn't realise!!

Erm - don't Veet when drunk?! Ouch.

Haven't read the thread but.....

don't sweep out of house after huge row with parent feeling pleased you got in there with the last word.

When they die before you have made it up, you feel bloody horrible (understatement)

why why they said dont google boak

Do not test your 6month old's new found mobility by seating her in her Bumbo on top of the kitchen counter while you fill up the dishwasher.

Try not to have a heart attack when said previously immobile child has somehow managed to fling herself out of the Bumbo onto tiled kitchen floor (from what is a great height to a six month old) as she screams blue murder.

Especially try not to kill the A and E receptionist who upon greeting your now quiet wimpering child announces 'She looks ok to me!!!!!'

Still fills me with shame and guilt to remember it :(

Do not vacuum around the fireplace when it is lit.

You will suck up a hot coal and set fire to the hoover.

Do not, aged nine, on a jolly family walk on a blustery autumn day, allow your Dad to pop discretely behind a cairn for a wee without checking the direction of the wind.

His wee will blow over the cairn, and form a fine spray, which will land on you and your entire family. While you are eating your sandwiches.

Am howling at this thread. The hedgehog-mistaken-for-rubbish actually made me cry!

Yesterday I learned not to, in the excitement of getting new OU course materials, shut a new ring binder without checking your little finger is not still in it.

Do not say, in a drunken moment 'I don't care what you find in my handbag, it won't be embarrassing'

Only to find one of the group rummaging through said handbag, and discovering a month's supply of the pill ('are these aspirin, Quattro?') and a popgun.

When you see a woman on the bus wearing the same unusual headscarf as you, do not smile inanely and point at hers in some misguided gesture of kinship.

You'll be horrified when you later see your reflection in the bus window and realise that you changed yours for the plain black one before you left the house

Don't (unless you never want it forgotten) walk into a room where your heavily pregnant wife is, with a spear gun, channel Moby Dick and say...

"have you seen the great white whale?"

Thanks DH

Also, from a friend... park your brand new car in front of a wall, leave it in gear as recommended, then turn the key to show off the engine noise. There was a very painful and rather expensive crunch.