Things you learned the hard way not to do again

I didn't even MEAN to stand on the cockroach, but this was Australia and they were everywhere

I love this thread. How on earth do we continue to function as a species. It's like near misses from the Darwin Awards

Do NOT try and 'freshen up' a stale doughnut in the microwave and then bite into it. Hot jam is VERY hot.

Soluble/swallowable lemsip tablets are one or the other. You cannot make them soluble in your mouth. You put them in a glass of water OR you swallow them.

It is however, hilariously funny when your OH does it and his mouth gets all frothy. Ha ha.

Dont trust a politition who says they will not allow disabled children's services to be affected by swingeing cuts (I didnt believe him but a lot of others are going to learn the hard way)

Do not attempt to clean the sticky grass cuttings that haven't quite made it into the collecting basket, while leaving the motor running. That funny whooshy feeling near your fingers - that's the blade. Luckily I twigged that one just in time.

When taking a bath with scented candles, avoid putting them too close to the head end of the bath or you may set fire to your hair. When if this happens, do not be tempted, in your panic, to flap wildly at the candle as the ensuing wax will escape and get onto the carpet, the bathmat, the bath and your skin, diminishing your enjoyment of the relaxing bathtime experience.

During a power cut, walk down the stairs holding a candle to guide the fightened cat to its supper.

(The frightened cat will trip you up. You will drop the candle. Before it goes out it will singe the cat and the carpet. Then you will step on the candle holder - one of those with a spike - and have to pull it out of your foot. In the dark.)

christ, I've just thrown up a bit kenobi...

at kenobi

manatee "It's even worse if you have a wank."

yep, done that too...

"First time I shaved my legs I tried to wipe the hairs out of the razor using my thumb. I didn't do that again."

I did (do it again).

Oh yes and to never again step on a cockroach in bare feet, feel it squish between your toes,and in horror hop to the 'water feature' to wash it off and feel the goldfish eat the cockroach off your toes. boak.

I. am. not. kidding.

Don't sew over your finger with the sewing machine; the needle will break in your finger. Do remember that you bought some long nosed pliers and that you know where they are to take out said bit of needle protruding from finger. Reader - it hurt... and bled!

Put a berocca in your coke can because you are hung over, while standing on a crowded tube next to a small Jewish boy wearing his best suit and yarmulke and clearly about to go to a bar mitzvah or something important [stupid asshole emoticon]

Put a razor in my spongbag without its guard on. I have done this three times now and have tiny scars on both of my index fingers, I think I MUST have finally learned.

Not to check ex-boyfriend's hotmail just because you set it up for him and know his password. I only did that once and broke my heart all over again.

I know. It is without a doubt the most pathetic thing I've ever done.

Nagoo, I feel your pain. Trouble is, I am addicted to chocolate - it is almost automatic to put something that I think is chocolate into my mouth, without actually thinking about it .

I did the razor thing too. It doesn't actually hurt at the moment you do it, does it? Stings like buggery afterwards though!

BumsOnSeats for that reason, in this house we do not eat lost raisins.

first time I shaved my legs I tried to wipe the hairs out of the razor using my thumb. I didn't do that again.

LOVE the tooth advice

BumsOnSeats hahahahahahahahahahaha

When you have an old dog in the house who can be, ahem, unreliable, do not pick small brown crumb off the sofa and pop it in your mouth, assuming it is chocolate = vomm

Do not use a hanger to pull yourself up into a high cupboard. The hanger will slip and you will fall backwards, ending up with a plug embedded in your ass cheek. Yes, this did actually happen, and no, it didn't really hurt that much. It was more painful having to listen my mum and sister take the piss out of me for about ten years afterwards. Disappointingly I do not have a plug-shaped scar on my ass.

"Rub eyes after chopping chillies - ow. And yet I do it almost every time {idiot}"

It's even worse if you have a wank.

Oh yes, re: trains. Do not assume the train that has always gone from Platform 1 and stops at your town will always do so. Sometimes the trains at Platform 1 have a little aay day and go somewhere completely different. For hours and hours on end. Oh yes.

Don't stand in stupid positions when digging an allotment. Feet close together, bend back properly, do not twist.

Bending stupidly results in 2 prolapsed discs and a year off work

And it fecking hurts.

Thanks Foxy, I thought I deserved a bit of sympathy for that one, particularly as I didn't get any at home

Acanthus - am crying with laughter at your passing out after pulling tooth out :o

Do not put an alka-seltzer straight into your mouth when you have a hangover.

And if your boyfriend does it - do not laugh at him.

Oh God so many.

Do not go to the bin on a windy day. The door may shut, locking you out in your PJs. With no phone. No money. And possibly worse, no make up.

Do not assume your train is a stopping service.

Do not let the petrol gauge in your car get down to 3miles only to discover the nearest garage is closed.

Do not drink six mojitos at your publishers drinks parties.

Do not slip off uncomfortable shoes under the table at a lunch meeting. You may not be able to get them back on and that will be very embarrassing when you leave.