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Original poster

Things you learned the hard way not to do again

464 replies

ItsJustAName · 02/03/2011 22:39

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Shock Blush Shock

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol. Grin

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 03/03/2011 16:57

or blue waffle for that matter [ throws up ]

OnlyWantsOne · 03/03/2011 16:57

do not google dragon butter

grim

OnlyWantsOne · 03/03/2011 16:56

some of these have made my toes and fingers curl up eurghhh

yy re hair removal cream and lady garden

TigerseyeMum · 03/03/2011 16:50

I really want to google it. How bad can it be? Hmm

EdwardorEricCantdecide · 03/03/2011 16:50

dont get the magnet TV thing?! Confused

OTheHugeManatee · 03/03/2011 16:46

Don't google dragon butter.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 03/03/2011 16:26

MakesCakes yes done that one too Blush. Trouble is I usually drive a small car and then when I drive the family car I forget the dimensions are so much bigger and keep getting hurt.

Nosy thanks for sympathy Grin

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 03/03/2011 16:26

Talc and Turnips - yeah - and when you're a naive and attractive 18 year old new to serving in a pub don't fall for all the requests for things from the shleves that require you to bend over in front of them.

Huh. How come all my 'things you learned the hard way' are to do with bending over - maybe I should stop bending over

TigerseyeMum · 03/03/2011 16:21

Catseverywhere I did that a few weeks ago in heavy rush hour traffic when I was late and in a hurry to pick up a senior manager from somwehere remote in the pitch black cold and rain.

Satnav told me to drive in the opposite direction. I thought it knew a short cut. No. It knew how to take me to the opposite side of town, turn me round then make me drive back through the centre of town where the traffic was heaviest, past the place I orginally left from and THEN out towards the place I should have been going in the first place Hmm

Cue one waiting manager with a VERY catsbumface.

TalcAndTurnips · 03/03/2011 16:20

Do not, when new to pub job and feisty locals, under any circumstances attempt to serve someone asking for a Guinness shandy.

Or Baileys and lemonade.

Sigh. I was young and naive. Now I'm just old and naive.

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 03/03/2011 16:12

Oh yes - and don't pull down the car boot door whilst still standing underneath it

whysolate · 03/03/2011 16:08

Do not put a magnet on the tv screen. It will cost you a lot of money!

Do not drive into the back of a police car, not only will it cost you money but it will also cost you your dignity.

Do not staple your finger for a bet. It hurts.

Ivegotmrbitey · 03/03/2011 16:08

If you put a tube of tooth paste and a tube of E45 cream in your toilet bag, jet lag will ensure you brush your teeth with the E45.

I don't think I have ever tasted anything so bad, or long lasting!

AbsDuCroissant · 03/03/2011 16:07

If you are going to smoke, and light cigarettes from a gas hob, light the gas ring first, don't

  • put cigarette in mouth
  • lean over
  • start gas
  • light fire
you may lose your eyebrows

Also, don't decide to take a nice hot bath when drunk as it will only make it worse and your hangover will be DIRE

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 03/03/2011 16:07

Do not run a laser pen (which the cat finds really aggravating) up your beloved wife's behind whilst she's bent over doing the laundry - not unless you want 2 years' worth of shit!

Oh, and I'm the wife, in case anyone wondered, and I still have striations on my arse from two sets of claws...

NosyRosie · 03/03/2011 16:01

If a bowl has been in the microwave for 5 minutes, chances are it's fecking hot. Might be wise to use oven gloves.

pmsl btw WorkingItOutAsIGo!

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 03/03/2011 15:58

Stand too close to the car door and slam it hard so it hits you in the head and sends you reeling.

Done it twice.

Blu · 03/03/2011 15:57

Go through the car wash with the windows open
Drink a sambucca while drunk and forget to blow out the flames

TitsalinaBumSquash · 03/03/2011 15:55

Sniff boiling tea up the spout of the kettle.

I was about 10 and decided to see what tea smelt like, I shuck the end of the spout up my nostril and sniffed deeply... the result was very bad burns up my nose and on my face and a nice set of skin graphs....

I told everyone I got smacked in the face with a netball!

Second one is not to lick the ice cube tray after your dad tells you not to, my toung got stuck I panicked and ripped it off taking a nice chunk of toung with it. OUCH!

catseverywhere · 03/03/2011 15:54

Do not automatically believe and act upon instructions from the woman in the satnav, especially when you have 20 minutes to get to a meeting 20 minutes' drive away and she tells you to go in the complete opposite direction to the one you know you need.

Debs75 · 03/03/2011 15:50

Don't play 'shots' with absinthe.
You will spend the next hour looking very doped up and wandering around like a lost soul.

jaggythistle · 03/03/2011 15:48

Do not do fecking pregnancy tests early!!!

CaurnieBred · 03/03/2011 15:45

Don't confuse your contact lense solutions and put cleaner on the lense prior to insertion rather than the wetting solution.

Don't, when you are 9 and have watched your mother using cold wax strips, think "that looks like fun - I will try that tomorrow before I go to school"

rasta · 03/03/2011 15:44

Listen to that little dull voice in your head. If it says "this guy is a loon, run for the hills" then for the love of god DO IT!

Debs75 · 03/03/2011 15:44

Light a cigarette off a gas hob when hair is spayed into place with half a can of hairspray. I lost my whole fringe as a result and singed an eyebrow.

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