Things you learned the hard way not to do again

As my sister found out to her detriment, you should NEVER dye your hair without first doing a skin test. Even if you have used the same product before. Unless you wish to end up in hospital on oxygen with a head like 'Hey Arnold'!

fully engage my brain before I ask dh any sort of question, such as while stood on the pier at Blackpool looking out to sea asking is that the north sea then? I realised as soon as I said it I wasn't on the east coast

Do not snort liquid (specifically neat vodka from a spoon) through your nose. It is just wrong and will give you a cold. A vodka cold.

Do not arm-wrestle a friend at 3am in the morning while you have a 10month old baby at home. You will acquire a fracture to the humerous (very bad break). You will require surgery that gives you an arm-length scar and a plate in your arm. And you will not be able to carry your baby for 3 months.

Dont drive past a wrecked car in a field. Always stop and look. I did this the other day. Thought it was an old wreck. When I drove past later, the roof had been removed. I feel really shit now!

Fry eggs for eight people in washing up liquid... Was camping in France, cooking breakfast without glasses on. Thought washing up liquid was sunflower oil on account of big sunflower on the bottle... They did fry nicely, but one by one people started clutching their throats and squeaking...

Helped myself to some cough medicine (aged 8) only to find out later that the reason I was burping up bubbles for the rest of the day was because I'd taken my baby sisters special shampoo. I can't remember what her condition was but I can still remember what it tasted like 30 yrs on!

Don't check if the pasta shells are cooked by eating one without first emptying the boiling water out of it. It will scald your mouth, you won't be able to eat the cooked pasta when it is ready. Your DH will laugh, a lot.

Don't try and peel all the skin off an apple in one go using a sharp knife without moving your little finger out of the way as you go round. You'll cut the end off your finger. And faint. Your DH will panic.

Perfume is not breath freshener. It's yukky.

To look ahead while admiring your windmill on a stick. there may be a concrete lampost ahead.

Don't try and ride your bike with your feet on the front fork. If your foot slips into the spokes your bike will stop very quickly and your elbow will be smeared onto the road.

Not to try to climb over a safety gate - it's their for a reason and you will end up scarred for life.

Not to thread potato peelings onto a sharp sharp knife for 'fun'.

To look ahead of you as you run as fast as you can. There may be a concrete lampost up ahead.

Not to try to warm up a metal spoon you are about to use as an ice cream scoop in the toaster.

Not to google anything you are told not to google [vom]

Staple finger: check.

Used to conduct fascinating science experiments down the stables with the electric fence: what conducts? Lots, as it turns out.

Excelled myself recently: got a lift home from my boss. When I got out, popped my head back in to the car to say thank you, as you do. Unfortunately my arm took on a life of it's own and decided to close the car door. On my head.

Passed out on street, had to go to hospital and explain repeatedly that I had shut my own head in a car door. The consultant kept asking, "But WHY?"

Not a good look.

Also don't put your whole hand on the hob ring to see if it is still hot. I think I was pregnant at the time.

I did the staple finger thing - hurts a lot.

If you have earache don't follow the old wives tale of pouring a couple of drops of olive oil down your ear to soothe it-perforated eardrum and 3 months of such bad balance kept falling over in Tesco, and every time I get a cold now I go deaf in that ear for at least 2 weeks.

Too many to mention-but if you have to ask "I wonder if it would hurt if I........"-it will really hurt and be embarassing and make you look like a tit !

Do not use your fingers to wipe of food off the mixer while it is switched on. I think I haven't done this again.

Don't switch the blender/food mixer on without the lid on.

Another one who has cleaned the razor blade with my finger more than once but I do it very carefully .

If you get told on MN not to google something DON"T (faints)

I learned not to open a wood fire air vent with my fingers when I was a kid...

I also learned not to stick a coffee bean up my nose....( I was 3, ok!)

and I learned not to stick my fingers in the spokes of a spinning bike wheel...(again, 3)

its amazing I have any fingers left now I think about it.

However, the horse worming tablet story is my personal fave too

and on behalf of my husband, do not shout swear, hoot and flash headlights at Porsche driver who cuts you up.....then run into the back of his Porsche :)

Check that you know where the stick to hold the car bonnet up goes in before trying to fill water / check oil level. When it falls down, it's rather painful and could end with near decapitation / cracked skull or at the very least mild concussion and feeling rather like a stupid woman who should have left car things to her dh.

...try to go to the loo in a Virgin Pendolino train with a baby in tow. The floor of train toilets is not the nicest place to leave a baby while you pee, and the baby changer is positioned right over the loo leaving you only about 2 foot of space to cram yourself in to pee, which makes it likely you'll miss the loo and pee all over the floor, which is probably one of the reasons that the toilets are so grungy in the first place.

(apologies to all the passengers who used the loo after me and DS)

probably designed by young men with no kids.

Oh, and don't perch the changing bag on the sink - the taps come on automatically!

Zuzu My dh did that at a works do - leaned over to blow a candle out and splashed himself in the face with molten wax. What makes it all the more hilarious is that he was there in his professional capacity - as a health & safety manager...

May I add to TooManyButton's post: do not assume there will be no-one parked behind you on your own driveway and just start reversing

Do not try to act sexy with the swarthy, turkish chip shop owner. Do not lean alluringly over his scalding hot cabinet of cod, pies and saveloy, or you will end up with small burn marks on your side still slightly visable in 20 years time
A 15yr old with a kylie perm in a greasy chippy was never going to seduce him anyway.

Do NOT if you are a stupid Northerner from the sticks and visiting London,get off at Russell Square tube station,frown at the queue waiting for the lift,and say "Come on ds,lets take the stairs,I'm not waiting around in this queue".175 steps of spiral staircase later you will be craving oxygen and a defibrillator.

LOL Southwest I can so imagine doing that!