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Original poster

Middle Ages Mumsnet

418 replies

AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 16:48

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

OP posts:
YeButerfleogeEffete · 16/01/2011 10:23

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Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 16/01/2011 10:03

tink thou speaketh in tongues. Thou should knowest better than to be dunking they head in the ale barrel before nones Wink

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RunawayFishWife · 16/01/2011 09:48

What witchcraft be this

tinksbabyisnearly2 · 16/01/2011 09:37

worketh has mum is blesist

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 16/01/2011 09:23

mistress boffinmum, ye may be merry for the travellyng necromancer Paul of the McKenna clan doth claime the abilitie to makest thou thyn. I have heard talke of his wondrous doings round th' water pumpe and the fishwyfes, particularly goodwyfe whomovedmychocolate to say that hys voice doth maketh them feel tingly withyn their byttes

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BoffinMum · 16/01/2011 08:58

What think ye fyne wymmen of this state of affairs, as verily I haf been of perplexed state of mind? Thanks be to the Lorde that I haf been as fruitful of wombe as my Syre has been fruitful of loine, and I haf borne him IV fyne childer. Yet my maidenne figure haf I no more, for my behynde groweth like as a pustule on the fayce of a gyant. Whence cometh this evil swelling? How beste to decrease the girthe of said problemme?

BalloonSlayer · 16/01/2011 08:09

Reading this discourse has caused me to bepiss my undergarments.

Washing day is not till Midsummers Eve - how shall I fare if my Lord and Master wanteth not the use of my body from this day till that?

Doth any of the good wives here know of a tincture by which I can cause my good Husbande to befoul his own breeches, so we are evenly matched?

Cadpat · 16/01/2011 03:19

Ye Gawds, this topik hath gone way beyond belief! Can I verily admyt to Laughing my behynd away!

StuffingGoldBrass · 16/01/2011 01:41

Mistress Elephants, thine liege lord doth consort with Satan should he play with ye wooden poppets and not fiddle with hys prycke all night as do noble yeomans who dwelleth in this sceptic isle. As elder wise woman and crone of ye village i abjure thee to anoint a thingy-shaped turnip with ye fiery spices from ye far east and introduce same to thy goodman's fundament.

YeButerfleogeEffete · 16/01/2011 01:01

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ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/01/2011 00:58

Be I Departedde From Mine Wittes?

Mine deere husbande sitteth on ye sacks of soft woolle everie night, and helpeth me not to keep sweete and cleane ye rushes of ye floore, nor to hushe ye hootinge cryes of our childer.

I toile night and daye, yet he stayeth onlie withinne and playeth with ye Knights of Woode, yay even painting themme divers hues, and feigning warre, as if he werre a boye of V sommeres.

Have I departedde from mine wittes to wish to ridde my thresholde of this most foule lodger of ye Cocke?

BibiBlocksberg · 16/01/2011 00:34

Most oblig-ed to yee YeButerfleogeEffete!

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 16/01/2011 00:30

Yebutter, call ye guard. Thy husband has no business whippyng thee in ye street, he has returned with this vile affliction, and is much to blayme for thy upheavals. Next, take all hys vestements and throw them into ye midden. Thou dost not have to lyve with thys man, cast hym out and go seek a thingy shaped turnip for thy amusement and satysfaction.

YeButerfleogeEffete · 16/01/2011 00:24

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BibiBlocksberg · 16/01/2011 00:22

"He didst proclaim me to be a shrew"

To the ducking stool with thou, shrew. Thou is way past taming.

Partaking of the meade hath affected my powers of making 'olde words' :)

YeButerfleogeEffete · 16/01/2011 00:14

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SugarMousePink · 16/01/2011 00:06

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BibiBlocksberg · 16/01/2011 00:03

Of such fame and importance is this topic it has been raised to the Discussion of the Daye!!

Yeah verily!

SugarMousePink · 16/01/2011 00:03

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LeQueen · 15/01/2011 23:56

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Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 23:56

be ye kindly thanked for the moste amusing sporte on this threade, and be assured that I now fynde it most troublesome to stoppe talkyng lyke thisse.

May ye rest well and notte suffer too badly from ye fleas and rattes in ye night.

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SugarMousePink · 15/01/2011 23:49

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SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:49

I thank ye for your advyse Mistress SugarMouse, but I wish a nyghte of sound repose, and I think mine Teddye Beare may grant me this, so I shall leave mine husbande to his programme....

Nyghte nyghte to alle....

SugarMousePink · 15/01/2011 23:47

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LeQueen · 15/01/2011 23:46

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