Middle Ages Mumsnet

Thinkest though that upon ye sesoune of theyre riden to our humble mesuage thar for to festen, I should don as my Lord Husbaunde saith and them offer the Beares of Pomme?

IFaith, verily the Knight and his Dame were doing as ye Normans do.
And thus I invoke Godwynne's Lawe.

Godwiven of Mumesnette

A sennight hence a Lorde and his fair Lady some miles hence did graciouselie bid us dine with themme. We did hie us hence with fair Wines of Fraunce, with Jewelles and Giftes as fitting such a Knighte and his Dame.

Yet when we arrived were, we founde that no frytour blounce there was, nor Buknade, nor Conys in Hogepoche, but Cheese of Macaraunie like unto that eaten in Nurserie by Childer.

Then upon our sitting to this Feaste, the Mistresse of that fair Castle did fall into such Merriemente as she had been sette uponne by Impes.

Uponne our leavetakning, that Knighte that had so kindlie bade us to dine did Goose me upon the Hinder Partes, that I did squeal like unto the hogges.

Stray my Wittes, for to think that this Knight and his Dame are chaungelinges, with the woodnesse of May seasone and the impes of the forest?

Mistress Elephantine, Dost thou fret to receeve nyne-tenths of smalle beere as thye goode lorde ?

Myne krystle balle doth speake unto me that in many centuryes hence womyn wilt rejoyce heartily to receeve a halve such rewarde for their faire travaille !

Odds bodkins Mistresse Harpie, thou art surely a norty ladye to be punyshed in thisse wyse. Hast thou considerede shackynge uppe with ye locale Smithe, who hath ye meanes to rid ye of yon troublesomme artycle, and ywis hath greete shoulderes most befittinge a manne?

Covens & ye Unnatural Regimentes of Womene

Mine liege Lorde hath yeven we serfes an portione of smalle beere, forre to celebrayte thisse yeere of oure Holy Lorde 1411. Yette Y finde thatte Y hath receyved onlie nyne-tenths of hwat my idle husbounde hath gotte, though I laboure all ye houres Godde sendes. Ye wise menne telle me he receyveth more beere as ye "allouance of ye cocke", is this fayre?

I heerde that thatte Sir Gawain iss no bettere than he shoulde bee. Doe nat beleeve his tales of resistyng ye temptatiounes of ye carpettes of sondry memberes of womankinde. His name is echoed fromme place to place as a notorious Manne-Whore. It's naething but Swive, Swive, Swive, with himme.

I heere.

Speking of Noble Knytes, hast ye heerde of the novelle diversiouns provided by Sir Allain de Sucre? He calleth for hardye youngefolke to come to his Motte and trye their lucke at divers taskes befitting ye gentyle Knytes. If Godde causes ye Younge Squires to falleth down in theyre taskes, Sir Allain has them set Aflame and thrown from ye battlements. The villeins looke onne in much amusemente hwile Sir Allain lettes forth his quotidienne warcrie.

Am I to be branded a thrydkyller?

Oh shyte, tis ages synce I postyed a lynk
bestiary.ca/beastimage/img365.jpg

bestiary.ca/beastimage/img365.jpg

Myne stomacher splitteth assunder wyth such merryment and gadzooking!!

Ye be Fraeyks

Methinks the two fearsome four-kneed grey creatures wondering amongst our small and humble village ist a strange and most happy coincidence?

Wonce agen, we humble wymen do heartily larf our asses off.

Mistresse plu, this 'Kyng James' of whicche ye speke, ys almoost ane hundred yeeres later than the ende of ye 'medieval' tyme ... as Y see yn mine propechy glasse

And Lo! Dame Oliphant hath been releas'd from the Stockes and doth mingle among us. Let us link arms and wassail, for a Learned Dame is a Goode Neighboure!

P.S. With regard to the "ton": is cod King James Bible close enough for vague acceptability?

Y wille moste happilye 'joynt disdaine' any husbande who beeth errant!

Goody RedDragon, methinks thou hast the ryte of itte when thou dost make mention of the Python of Monty.

I must nowe step awaye from thys excellent scroll fore ane momente inne order to peruse the adventures of Brave Sir Robin whom I am tolde doth rate equally with Sir Gawain [grinneth]

Mistress Elephantjelly, I thank thee for returning wyth thy most excellent apology. Wouldst thou care to join in our idle banter further? Perhaps thou dost have an errant husbande who needs our joynt disdaine? {sniggereth]

elephantjelly - hi!

It sounds like parody-puritans to me - same for you? I think we're in the Dark Ages as described by Blackadder, Monty Python and co (and so much the better!).

Now:

Haue 3e nou3t a mannys-schape, of the whyche thou canst compleyn? Hit ys moste divertynge, Y vow!

(Bad mix of Chaucer and Gawain ... sorry ...!)

Dame Sugar ... Y muste moste sadly seye ... I knowe of thys brave 'carpette of wonmmyn-kynde. Yete Y listened vnto the wycches who thronge oure merry meetying-place. They dide conjure me to hewe it aweye with myne owne most sharp scythe and moste vncomfortable poultice of the dunge callyd 'veet' ...

... and so hyt ys I am thus deformyd, being without that nobyl 'carpette' of whych the mystresse speketh.

Hats off to your efforts and sorry for being a sourpuss. I had to learn medieval to elizabethan english and bounded in all ready to join in but I have no idea what you are going on about.

Do remember the northerners have the edge - york was a thriving city and Sir gawain and the green knight is a far superior piece of work to canterbury tales.

Yea verily, Mystresse wyth the strange name akin to that of a wryter vnknowne, I fynde this demon moste fearful.

(Y muste poste ye screed 'AIBU to wail and lamente myne studentes, who be moche moore the folysche than thee, good dames, and paye ye grete summe of 4 groats vnto the lord for ye privilege!')