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Original poster

Middle Ages Mumsnet

418 replies

AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 16:48

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 15/01/2011 17:48

Missbeehiving, do checke your resident ratte poulation for signes of fleas. I believe the plague is spredde by foul humours from these wicked animalcules of Beelzebub.

plupervert · 15/01/2011 17:46

Alack! Mine child hath bitten the Eare of her Friende, and the Child's Mother doth now shun me at sundry Gatherings and Church.

In my place, What Wouldst Thou Do?

(To those who have bemoaned being blacked with the Name of Wytch: my Sisters! I Feare I may be with you soon, for verily this Mother hath also persuaded Others to cut their Eyes at me)

BibiBlocksberg · 15/01/2011 17:46

Grin Witch Bibi of Blocksberg hereby stateth her merry amusement with this fine topic Grin

MissBeehiving · 15/01/2011 17:46

My MIL is an olde crone. Shall I denounce her?

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 17:43

I be mightily worried for the chylde of a deare frende who may be tryinge to leade her chylde ynto the ways of the horned one.

Thys maye bee in parte due to beinge accused of wytchcrafte and foul sorcery herself (as well as thatte of namynge the chylde courtneye with a spellinge that doth notte existe in common usage) but I do wonder whether it woulde be of benefite to said chylde to make mention of courtneye to that agency of our Majestye that be concerned wyth alle matters social?

What saye ye Mumsnette?

MissBeehiving · 15/01/2011 17:43

General pustules and afflictions

I have a red rash and lumps, could it be plague?

GentleOtter · 15/01/2011 17:37

Style and Doth Thou Looketh Comely

Doth my arse looketh bigge in this?

tabulahrasa · 15/01/2011 17:33

what art these benefyt cheats you speak of?

Tythes go to our feudal lord for him to spend in any way he sees fit - as is the proper order of things

children should not be given fine ale, but small beer - thou ist being confused by fine ale companies advice, small beer provides all the goodness children need

Chil1234 · 15/01/2011 17:33

I' faith, eschew the leeches for a poultice of horse dung, applied o'er the buttocks, so to release the malevolent humours that afflict thy husband so cruelly. And reduce the height of thy midden... 'tis monstrous tall.

catinthehat2 · 15/01/2011 17:32

I freely admitte to ownynge severalle outte of controlle cattes.

I admitte to nothing else as Mistresse TAbulahrasa seemes alarmyngely well up on the legal & relygious backgrounde of certaine capitalle crimes. I wyll notte incryminate myselfe therefore.

I suspect she may be a troll from the Witchfynder General's office

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 17:32

what's for dinner?????

I shall scrape the mould 'pon this two day old bread, twill be most acceptable, om nom nom

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 17:28

tithe to benifits cheat - when why? I thought our tithe went to ye maiden who had theey bastard child until thus she did proclaim the father and now is payed by bastardy bond is thought not correct

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 17:27

whence we going to ya Inn for thus beer?

tabulahrasa · 15/01/2011 17:25

catinthehat - that dependath upon whether thou hast indeed been a practioner of the black arts

if thou art a wytch, opt for burning as veryily it will maketh no difference whether thou art guilty or inocent

if thou art merely pondering the vindictive nature of thou neigboures and expect at some time hence to be falsely accused of fraternizing with the devil then choose to be drowned as at least thou will be vindicated by sinking and can expect a Christian burial

MissBeehiving · 15/01/2011 17:25

Site stuffe;

Mistress Helen of Mumnete, I beseech ye to allow us plebians the use of a "burn her at the stake" emoticon in AIBU.

GoodChristianaRejoice · 15/01/2011 17:06

Why doth my tithe go to the benefyts cheats when I cannot afford fine ale for my children?

catinthehat2 · 15/01/2011 17:04

When my neighboures denounce me for wytchecrafte do you thynke I should opt for burning at ye stake or drowning in ye village ponde?

tabulahrasa · 15/01/2011 17:01

thou should not ask for advice on yon interweb, get thee to an apothecary

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