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Original poster

Middle Ages Mumsnet

418 replies

AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 16:48

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

OP posts:
GentleOtter · 15/01/2011 19:58

Mine husbande doth have the Huff and his lip traileth on the ground.

Our troubador and jester haveth the evening off so should I take my foote off his hynde quarters and be done?

Beath this thoughtte unreasonable?

sungirltan · 15/01/2011 19:56

from whence can i purchase a new mirkin?

Marlinspike · 15/01/2011 19:50

Hey nonny nonny carminaburana!

Thou shouldst temper thy lust! Garde thee thine maidenhead as if it bee thine lyffe! Beeware, that manly odour that makest thee swoon be naught but alchemy, devised by wizards and daemons, and placed 'pon the shelves of yee Tescoes to tempt poor maidens to walk from the path of righteousness.

Get thee behind me, oh demon-mist lynx! Thou shalt not bind me to the witches-stool with thine evil airs!

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 19:50

wmmc have ye taken leave of thy senses? Thy children should be toiling in ye fieldes and not idling in their beds.

OP posts:
Hassled · 15/01/2011 19:45

Thy talke hast caused me muche merriment and jollitye.

Prithee, thinkest thou of style and beautee? I needest a fyne cape with muche frillery, and whiche dost not let the devil's urine to distemper its fyneness. Whither should I go?

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 19:43

which be the leaste sluttye. Forsooth, tis devilish hard to use thys contraption!

OP posts:
carminaburana · 15/01/2011 19:43

My heart beats so fast it is posistively bursting from my bodice - i feel i must share my embarrassment.

Our handsome new farmhand brushed passed me on my way to evensong, the manly smell of a common laborer made me giddy with excitement - thoughts raced across my mind that are not befitting for a lady of my standing - a whoring rage came upon me, i wanted to devote a night to it, i wanted him to rip off my under garments with his fine set of teeth - may god have mercy on my soul. This is an exact state of my mind at the time. it shocks me to review it.

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 19:41

Style and be thou comely:

Which look dost thou prefer, thys or thys. Verily, I cannot decide, why be the leaste sluttye?

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:37

My ladies. I seeketh a husband. My first husband was sadly carried away two years ago and left me with three small blessings. I hast met a squire from an adjoining village who wishes me to accompany him to the purveyor of fishes and potatoe products but one short stroll from our house.

Wouldeth though condemn me roundly were I to leave my children sleeping whilst I broke bread with my lord?

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 19:33

be thee well advised, the sure mark of a wytch be that she does fynde her undergarments strangely dyscoloured or bleached wyche can only be by the devices of the devil.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:30

funtimewincies - my lady you doth denounce me most readily and yet ye is the one on a quest for dragon butter. Shock

Wink
Portofino · 15/01/2011 19:29

I fynde that my lord husband doth prefer me with no teethe! He maketh me play a straynge game which he hath named "Hyde the Sausage"

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:28

Verily MissBeehiving and like ones troubles the fitments seem to wax with each full moon till one is verily vexed to choose a size befitting ones stature.

Original poster
AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 19:22

sephrenia, your husbande doth you no disservice by tarrynge wyhte comely maidens, now that thou has surpass'd thy thirtieth year and thy teethe have long gone.

OP posts:
funtimewincies · 15/01/2011 19:21

Thou art a low and slovenly wench WMMC Shock!

MissBeehiving · 15/01/2011 19:20

Alas Mistresse Funtimewincies, PerUna is verily the work of the devil. The garments are not of natural fibres and it is necessary to carry fragrant herbs and leaves upon thy person to guard against unpleasant odours.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:19

funtimewincies Alas if only I should receive just the dung. I have wattle but no dung and my servants are keen to maketh the house bigger so his loyal servant Jane shall joineth him in the office that he may better travail in his official pursuits undisturbed. I dost not know what his business pertains, being a simple minded woman, but do sometimes hear noises and Jane doth be both red faced with her endeavours and rejoicing at all times of the afternoon.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:16

NacMacFeegle - Mr Greggs doth use fine pigs within his pies. And squirrels, badgers, cats and all of God's fine creatures. Since we are within God's season of the snow, I would suggest your pie may be maketh with polar bear or similar vittels. Feast and rejoice!

funtimewincies · 15/01/2011 19:14

WMMC, you do indeed risk a terse message of brimstone and dung daubed upon your beast for such a dishonest deed.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:14

Goodlady GentleOtter, Priveth is an excellent name for a child and will set him out on a path for greatness cleaning the waterclosets. Did you say Priveth was a girl, ah no matter, the lord of the manor is not choosy these days.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:12

one quart rather

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:12

funtimewincies - to tame a dragon, one must use on quart of dragon butter - google it if not sure where to locate such liquor. Grin

whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:11

EdgarAleNPie - he doth scourge himself regularly, with both his hands and his donkey. Further, I see him on his knees praying before the smaller of our sheep almost daily.

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/01/2011 19:10
Grin
whomovedmychocolate · 15/01/2011 19:10

AIBU to lash my horse to yonder hitching post ordinarily reserved for babes and their wetnurses if I will only be but five of God's minutes within the apothecaries?