Middle Ages Mumsnet

EdgarAleNPie - would dost beseech independently using the 'reporteth' button to press our case?

Mistress AleNPie - You wouldst be served best methinks if thou beseech thy lord to raise the tithe or, if thys be notte a course of action ye mayest take, get thee to that most noble of places, the bureau of citizens who mayest be able to help thee in thy tyme of need.

Shouldst ye fail to paye into the charity then ye wouldst be MOST unreasonable.

I hope thys advyce be of helpe.

our discourse in classics ?

this heady mix of talking inappropriately with women of the village whilst licking the cooks cream off my fingers is decidedly too much >

My husbande has this nyte beseeched me to grant him leave to make ye great pylgrymage to ye shrine in ye city where he and two fellow pylgrymes from ye village tavern will worship ye lord our Godde for two dayes and two nytes.

Am I a wickede wyffe, as he accuseth, for doubting my lord and master or would ye also worrit that wenching, wickedness and drynking till they spewytt will take playce??

Tis the wenching that worrit me most. He cannot keep his byttes in his hose.

WMMC i am of good accorde in thys endeavour.

Mistress catpuss - You needst fynde a frogge that be'eth a maiden who is wyth childe herself and, most carefully, pour thy morning waters upon her backe to confirmeth thy goode news.

If it pleases thee, wouldst thou return wyth thy results that we may alle share with thee in thys goode (or badde) news?

I hast beseeched MNHQ to place thine discourse in the classic place whereth it flourish and not end in 90 days.

i am the lady of the manor, yet i fear we do feel sore pressed by the same povertie that doth afflict the tithe-maker in their hovel.

I have arrayed mine firstborn sonne to go to war with the Unholy Saracen in the goode armour from John of Lewes as any good mother shulde and my purse is alle but empty.

His syster needeth a fyne dowry as befite a daughter of mine noble house.

Needs must i also paye the money for the charity of the parish, but from whence?

I shalle not paye - be i not reasonable?

I be'est verily, confused. I have missed my monthly moon courses, and feareth thate I mayest be with child. I have been told that putting my morning waters upon the back of a certain type of frog, will confirmeth this fact.
My dilemma is that I be unsure whiche type of frog is best?. As my moone flow is only juste past, whyche type of beast will furnish me with ye surest answer?

My mydwyfe did not serve me welle, during my labours did she not give me wine, which I did beg her for most earnestly, but she did taunt me wyth the wine like unto the soldiers who did taunt our sweet Lord Jesus during his pains upon the Crosse.

I have cried and been wraught with Ire since, and my babe cleaveth not well to mine bosom.

shoulde I beg of her some recompence?

I fear also she does take my husbande to bedde, though i care not for this as he is ridden with pox and it shalle now afflicte her most sorely!

Mistress Blocksberg, I must thank thee greatly for thine advice. Just nowe myne husband didst declare thatte thys game 'Hyde the Sausage' would indeede be greatly admir'd by hym and thatte we shoulde playe itte forthwith.

He has also made mention of an apprenticeship wyth the glass makers. I do notte understande whatte he may mean by 'learnynge how to do a proper blowe jobbe'. Perhaps thys be some glassmaker's artte of whych I have notte heard of before. Wouldst thou perchance understand hys meanynge?

AIBU to hireth a wet nurse for my breastes might sagge when I feedeth my childe?

Ah, fearest not fairest sephrenia, scribest thou on a piece of parchment the ideas of Portofino's lord and master and leaveth the parchment whereupon he is sure to stumble upon and readeth said article.

"I fynde that my lord husband doth prefer me with no teethe! He maketh me play a straynge game which he hath named "Hyde the Sausage" "

:)

Help! My hovel needeth a new coat of tinted dung applyeth to it's crumbleth walls. My neighbours Nell the swineherd'd wife ( well she sayeth they have been to the church door but I am not sureth it was to be marryed or whther for quite another joinging purpose ) She haveth marsh brown with a hint of animal dung but I was wondereth if bog dung with a hint of goose would not be better? Farrow and Ball the village dung collectors will bringeth me my hearts desire but I must layeth by many groats or be totally dunned indeed.

I scrubbed the head so hard my skull is near showing - but still the lustful thoughts hound and torture me. I prey I am not devil bound - I foolishly sullied my tapestry by threading in an image of his rump - his body is never out of my thoughts. Thankfully my dear husband assumed it was a tapestry of our prize thoroughbred

I throw thyself at gods mercy

Pray apologies, fair women of Mumsnette, for that 'twas aimed at Dadsnette. I misposteth.

some evil footpad has been purloining my chykens when nytetyme falls

I hath useth a parsnip out the cook's larder.. for a most wycked thing.

AIBU to groweth mine own parsnip patch?

Tincture of ginger is indeed an efficacious remedy to your plight passion, your husband's mother sounds a woman of wise years. She will provide much council to you during your coming confinement, whether thee seek it or nay.

oðþæt him æghwylc þær ymbsittendra ofer hronrade hyran scolde

Oh prithee thou wise women of mumsnette, AIBU?
Glad tidings, I have been blessed with a fruitful wombe! But at the same tyme stuck down by a foul sickening which finds me each morning-tide. A local crone (my husband's mother) hast instructed me to inbibe a loathsome tincture of ginger - can this be good advice? It seemest much more likely that she is trying to poison me and shouldeth be burnt as a wytch forthwith.

Mistress Blocksberg - Verily did I partake of the advice of Style and Dost Thou Look Comely but I fear thatte Mistress AnyFuleKno be ryghte inne thatte mine precious teeth have just nowe fallen from myne heade and am indeede of no further use to myne beloved husband.

I wylle nowe make haste to the apothecary inne the hope thatte he may yet be able to restoreth myne good looks

Mine husband has begun taking his quill and parchment everywhere verily even unto the privy. Since Michaelmas he has taken undue care of his vanity, having taken two, yes TWO baths since then, the second using my best soap made from the pig killing. Need I be a-fretting?

Ye witchfinder would not denounce me WMMC, I know the telling of many of his dark deeds. He hath been masquerading upon Ye Book of Ye Countenance as an unwed monk and hath been wooing widows for their chattels.

Take care in thine quest, lest ye fall prey to such a rouge. I fear that thys yeoman may have thine chattels in his minde.

Any, ye garment in the first woodcutting is ye most comely and would not make ye resemble a roaming trollope.